In what I am now referring to as an astonishing turn of events, I have found myself in yet another hospital. This marks the fifth one in six months. If I count it out, actually I have been to five hospitals for 8 different people in under 6 months. Holy shit. Getting old sucks.
This time is a doosey. I am here in New Jersey visiting my dear, closest cousin TJ. Last December, totally out of the blue, he got a backache, And two days later was sent to the hospital. The next morning they told us he would not make it thru the night. They didn’t’ know why, but his system was shutting down and he was dying.
As it would turn out TJ had contracted a staph infection, and, as luck would have it- it was MRSA, which stands for Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus. Methicillin is a family of antibiotics. So MRSA means that this particular strand of Staph is non responsive to antibiotics. Charming. His MRSA led to Pneumonia, which led to blood poisoning, which led to Bacterial Spinal Meningitis.
Which, basically means he was totally fucked.
He was put on life support and had machines breathing for him for 6 weeks. He was in a medically induced coma for 5 weeks. Slowly but surely he started to come back- both of his collapsed lungs regained their former glory, his once racing heart found it’s beat once more, and his blood found it’s balance. However, because of the meningitis his spine was damaged so badly, that he cannot walk or use the lower half of his body.
But, by some miracle he has full use of his upper body, he has no paralysis, his arms function normally and his there is no brain damage… it isn’t all “shitted up” (a particularly articulate way to explain brain damage that I heard last night from a fellow spinal cord patient- fantastic).
And so here I am. Flew in for a week to give my Aunt Lois a break. Imagine- she lost her sister and 2 months later, was told her son might die. Jesus.
But TJ is a fucking champ- no Joke. He now can stand, and walk on the parallel bars, and he is in good spirits and is super positive, and we’re making cripple jokes and we all know THAT HE IS GOING TO BE OK. The doctors expect him to recover fully. They are thinking that he will check out in a few weeks- he will have to use a walker for a little while but they do expect a full recovery.
Today he got approved to go in a car so tomorrow we are steeling him out of here to go home for the first time since before Christmas…
And even though this is awful. It’s amazing too. What is most surprising about this place is the sheer undeterred amount of hope that is simply palpable here. And we are dealing with some pretty hardcore shit here. Perched on a hill in West Haverstraw New York, overlooking the Hudson: people who were simply going along when in one split second everything is different. Mike had finally dumped his (and I quote) bitch of a girlfriend- finally bought that motorcycle he wanted. A 90 year old man pulled out in front of him 4 years ago and now he lives life from a wheelchair. Ron was an undercover cop who got rammed in a high speed pursuit, boom. Now in a wheel chair. Cathy was taking a walk with her two kids, she bent over to pick up a pinecone. Her 18 year old neighbor came screaming down the street and here she is, away from her family, all alone in the hospital with only the very littlest use of her limbs. Yesterday she cut a piece of melon with a knife and fork. It was a triumph for us all.
The brutal truth about life is staggering. The world is a harsh brutal place. Things happen that fucking suck. I MEAN SUCK. People get sick, people die, people survive… people shit their pants and have to learn to walk, or eat , or cut their food.
I could look for some reason for why I have had to bear witness to all of this lately- why I have had to push not one, but now two family members in a wheel chair in the last few months- but I don’t think that there’s a reason. And even if I knew that reason it wouldn’t change the fact that I keep having to wipe family members asses….
But hope is a hell of a thing.
And resilience is a motherfucker.
And I’m proud of TJ for surviving and not dying on us. And I’m grateful. And I’m proud to be here and help him and it’s good therapy for me to be in a rehab situation where TJ is going to learn to walk again, and NOT walk to his grave, like mom. He is gonna stand up and do a lot of things, and win more Grammies, and walk down an aisle, and walk on beaches, and foreign soils… and it’s a fucking miracle.
And so when I feel like life is all shitted up, I don’t really dwell, cuz it all feels pretty precious, and inspired, and powerful.
And then I slap myself and tell myself to snap the fuck out of it and not to be such a fucking sap.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Monday, November 19, 2007
HOLY SHIT
Holy shit- that last entry kills me. “Someday I will look back on these days as a blissful steady stream of one good day after another.” Ya think???
I wrote that Mach 31st of this year. Amazing.
On March 12th my mom looked down at a magazine and heard a click click click in her neck.
On April 16th my mom was taken into the ER in Santa Monica because the pain in her neck had gotten so bad.
Later that week she was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced lung cancer. She had a tumor in her lung, on her neck, in her lymph nodes and one on her rib.
On may 29th we got the news that chemo was working- we were gonna be ok..
On July 5th our cat died.
On July 6th we moved.
On August first mom had a severe double stroke that rendered her near incapacitated.
And after two brutal months, on Oct 2nd mom died from complications of advanced lung cancer.
And so Chase, yes, you were right. You do look back on those days before the storm that has been 2007 as “a blissful steady stream of one good day after another.” And I miss that.
I ache for it.
Perhaps one day it will return, but for now it is gone and I am left struggling, muddling, just trying not to drown in sadness.
I was never particularly close emotionally with my mom, but we spent an awful lot of time together, and we have always been a super close family.
The last 6 months of her life however, I never left her side. I quit my job, moved in with her and my father twice- once for a month, another time for a few weeks. The rest of the time I was at her house by 7 am and didn’t leave till 10 or 11 pm. I drove her to the doctor, changed her IV, cooked and cleaned. Packed and organized. Paid the bills. And in the end I bathed her, brushed her teeth and shaved her head. I wiped her butt and got her dressed. Rubbed lotion on her depleted body and flossed her teeth.
It was at once beautiful and deeply deeply painful.
And her death brought me relief: that she was out of pain, and out of that miserable state of affairs her life had become. But now- with some time behind me- I miss that time. I miss it. Because even though she was a mere shadow of herself, at least she was still here.
And man oh man, I miss my mom.
It’s thanksgiving this week. And I can’t remember how to make the yams. I think I know- but I’m just not sure. I mean I made them with her so many times, but I never bothered to write it down. I just wasn’t ready.
It’s also my birthday this week. SO I’m getting a double dose of missing my mom this week.
And it’s brutal.
But you know? You just wake up, and breath in. And out. And you show up, and try to be present. And you do what you can. Try to pay attention and not be too flighty or spacey, I find baking helps.
But man I cry a lot. More than I ever had before- it’s just ridiculous. Without the slightest provocation. And that is exhausting… because I’m not a crier by nature.
But all these tears, they fall so hard and so often and so sincere.
But everyone says that time helps. And I guess it does. I am just doing what I can, and being honest about how I feel, trying to feel it now so it doesn’t come back to haunt me later (anymore than I’m sure it will always haunt me)
And just putting one foot in front of me and thinking that someday, that blissful steady stream of good days will return.
It’s just not today.
Finally some links:
The Team Carter Blog (where you can read about my mom’s illness if your so inclined)
Photos:
My mom’s Colorado memorial
My mom’s LA memorial
Zoe’s Wedding
Vicki’s wedding
My trip to Indiana
My trip to New Jersey
And this: is me and my mom
>
I wrote that Mach 31st of this year. Amazing.
On March 12th my mom looked down at a magazine and heard a click click click in her neck.
On April 16th my mom was taken into the ER in Santa Monica because the pain in her neck had gotten so bad.
Later that week she was diagnosed with stage 4 advanced lung cancer. She had a tumor in her lung, on her neck, in her lymph nodes and one on her rib.
On may 29th we got the news that chemo was working- we were gonna be ok..
On July 5th our cat died.
On July 6th we moved.
On August first mom had a severe double stroke that rendered her near incapacitated.
And after two brutal months, on Oct 2nd mom died from complications of advanced lung cancer.
And so Chase, yes, you were right. You do look back on those days before the storm that has been 2007 as “a blissful steady stream of one good day after another.” And I miss that.
I ache for it.
Perhaps one day it will return, but for now it is gone and I am left struggling, muddling, just trying not to drown in sadness.
I was never particularly close emotionally with my mom, but we spent an awful lot of time together, and we have always been a super close family.
The last 6 months of her life however, I never left her side. I quit my job, moved in with her and my father twice- once for a month, another time for a few weeks. The rest of the time I was at her house by 7 am and didn’t leave till 10 or 11 pm. I drove her to the doctor, changed her IV, cooked and cleaned. Packed and organized. Paid the bills. And in the end I bathed her, brushed her teeth and shaved her head. I wiped her butt and got her dressed. Rubbed lotion on her depleted body and flossed her teeth.
It was at once beautiful and deeply deeply painful.
And her death brought me relief: that she was out of pain, and out of that miserable state of affairs her life had become. But now- with some time behind me- I miss that time. I miss it. Because even though she was a mere shadow of herself, at least she was still here.
And man oh man, I miss my mom.
It’s thanksgiving this week. And I can’t remember how to make the yams. I think I know- but I’m just not sure. I mean I made them with her so many times, but I never bothered to write it down. I just wasn’t ready.
It’s also my birthday this week. SO I’m getting a double dose of missing my mom this week.
And it’s brutal.
But you know? You just wake up, and breath in. And out. And you show up, and try to be present. And you do what you can. Try to pay attention and not be too flighty or spacey, I find baking helps.
But man I cry a lot. More than I ever had before- it’s just ridiculous. Without the slightest provocation. And that is exhausting… because I’m not a crier by nature.
But all these tears, they fall so hard and so often and so sincere.
But everyone says that time helps. And I guess it does. I am just doing what I can, and being honest about how I feel, trying to feel it now so it doesn’t come back to haunt me later (anymore than I’m sure it will always haunt me)
And just putting one foot in front of me and thinking that someday, that blissful steady stream of good days will return.
It’s just not today.
Finally some links:
The Team Carter Blog (where you can read about my mom’s illness if your so inclined)
Photos:
My mom’s Colorado memorial
My mom’s LA memorial
Zoe’s Wedding
Vicki’s wedding
My trip to Indiana
My trip to New Jersey
And this: is me and my mom
>
Saturday, March 31, 2007
HELLO BRENDA
Well it’s been ages since I’ve written. Been better at posting pictures than writing. But Brenda says I have to blog, so here I am. Hello brenda. How are you?
Everything is actually excellent in my little world. Work, time off, great weather, love my man, love my cats, love my apartment. Someday I will look back on these days as a blissful steady stream of one good day after another. And that is a pretty nice thing. Over the years I have often written about how lucky I am, and about luck in general, and now, after all this time I find myself going back to the same subject. Finding myself endlessly blessed, and unable to articulate my gratefulness.
I woke up last night in the middle of the night missing Rome so much I could hardly breath. It doesn’t happen all that often, but I feel like if I don’t go visit soon, even if it’s just for 5 days, it will slip out of my fingers, and I can’t let that happen. I can’t bear the thought of going there without Tate, but given our current situation I think I might just have to… one person alone seems somehow easier than two people going… we’ll just have to see I guess.
I have tons of pictures up
Carter turned 35
Tate and I went to NYC
My cousin Shannon got married
Megan had a birthday
We had a yard Sale
Sasha had a party
Pretty fun days recently.
And fucking babies everywhere. It is official, Mimi and Santi are having a boy. Brent and Ari are due in 3 weeks, Josh and his baby mama are right around the corner… lots of babies… thank god for birth control is all I have to say… no whammies for me!!
One last thing and then I’m off to shower- Tate bought me an 80 gig ipod for no good reason. “I deserved something nice” is what he said. Can you believe that???
I have the 15 gig (which is so old they don't even make anymore) so basically I put ALL my music on. ALL my pictures on. ALL my contacts, my calendar, everything. And I still have more room remaining that my entire previous ipod. It’s AWESOME.
Love my duty!
Everything is actually excellent in my little world. Work, time off, great weather, love my man, love my cats, love my apartment. Someday I will look back on these days as a blissful steady stream of one good day after another. And that is a pretty nice thing. Over the years I have often written about how lucky I am, and about luck in general, and now, after all this time I find myself going back to the same subject. Finding myself endlessly blessed, and unable to articulate my gratefulness.
I woke up last night in the middle of the night missing Rome so much I could hardly breath. It doesn’t happen all that often, but I feel like if I don’t go visit soon, even if it’s just for 5 days, it will slip out of my fingers, and I can’t let that happen. I can’t bear the thought of going there without Tate, but given our current situation I think I might just have to… one person alone seems somehow easier than two people going… we’ll just have to see I guess.
I have tons of pictures up
Carter turned 35
Tate and I went to NYC
My cousin Shannon got married
Megan had a birthday
We had a yard Sale
Sasha had a party
Pretty fun days recently.
And fucking babies everywhere. It is official, Mimi and Santi are having a boy. Brent and Ari are due in 3 weeks, Josh and his baby mama are right around the corner… lots of babies… thank god for birth control is all I have to say… no whammies for me!!
One last thing and then I’m off to shower- Tate bought me an 80 gig ipod for no good reason. “I deserved something nice” is what he said. Can you believe that???
I have the 15 gig (which is so old they don't even make anymore) so basically I put ALL my music on. ALL my pictures on. ALL my contacts, my calendar, everything. And I still have more room remaining that my entire previous ipod. It’s AWESOME.
Love my duty!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
DOUBLE OHH SEVEN
So I have started about 15 entries in the last few months- none of which I can seem to finish and post. So fuck it. Pictures- that’s what I got right now. Pictures.
Emily and Sabine.
Getting Drunk with Mimi and Santi before Christmas.
My godsons that are so cute I could die.
Damaris’s Birthday Jamboree.
Thanksgiving.
And my birthday – what up 31…nice.
Haven’t been working this week _thus the time to upload pics and such. It’s been awesome…. Tate and I so live together- the place really feels like its OURS. We spent the week tinkering around making meals and fixing little things up here and there- sold a bunch of shit on ebay and clearing out the garage (which is crammed with shit) and going to the dentist and that kinda stuff.
I could be the best professional unemployed person…. Damn it to hell that I can’t be. But it sure is nice this week!!!
Emily and Sabine.
Getting Drunk with Mimi and Santi before Christmas.
My godsons that are so cute I could die.
Damaris’s Birthday Jamboree.
Thanksgiving.
And my birthday – what up 31…nice.
Haven’t been working this week _thus the time to upload pics and such. It’s been awesome…. Tate and I so live together- the place really feels like its OURS. We spent the week tinkering around making meals and fixing little things up here and there- sold a bunch of shit on ebay and clearing out the garage (which is crammed with shit) and going to the dentist and that kinda stuff.
I could be the best professional unemployed person…. Damn it to hell that I can’t be. But it sure is nice this week!!!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE
Literally.
I have been in Seattle for the past week, and am finally leaving to go home today. (phew- thank god). So excited to go home- for several reasons, excited to see my cats, excited to be in 60 degree weather, excited to see Vicki and Damaris, but more than anything- excited to get a goodnight sleep.
I have not slept well since I got to Seattle. And I’m not even joking. We stayed at the westin- which for all outward appearances should have been a nice experience- kinda fancy, right down town, good room service, pool, spa, whatever- I mean bill Clinton stayed there… but holy shit what a façade. First of all there are two tall towers that all the rooms are in, and they were built on ”rollers” (whatever that means) as a earthquake precaution. But what that means is that the towers sway, and they creak. And I’m not talking about a little sway or a little noise. I’m talking water swishing in the toilet bowl and loud creaks and moans and holy fucking shit.
The first night as Tate and I laid awake at midnight, a little scared, a lot concerned and totally pissed because we had to be on set in 4 hours.
We changed rooms.
That one talked too. I’m telling you the whole hotel had something to say- it was wild. After a week I got used to it. It isn’t so bad when it’s not windy, but , as you might have heard Seattle gets a lot of rain, and um wind… it’s unbearable.
But I couldn’t believe in a town who is famous for insomnia, one of the nicer hotels in town would, it seems go out of it’s way to make the stereotype true.
Good riddance.
I have been in Seattle for the past week, and am finally leaving to go home today. (phew- thank god). So excited to go home- for several reasons, excited to see my cats, excited to be in 60 degree weather, excited to see Vicki and Damaris, but more than anything- excited to get a goodnight sleep.
I have not slept well since I got to Seattle. And I’m not even joking. We stayed at the westin- which for all outward appearances should have been a nice experience- kinda fancy, right down town, good room service, pool, spa, whatever- I mean bill Clinton stayed there… but holy shit what a façade. First of all there are two tall towers that all the rooms are in, and they were built on ”rollers” (whatever that means) as a earthquake precaution. But what that means is that the towers sway, and they creak. And I’m not talking about a little sway or a little noise. I’m talking water swishing in the toilet bowl and loud creaks and moans and holy fucking shit.
The first night as Tate and I laid awake at midnight, a little scared, a lot concerned and totally pissed because we had to be on set in 4 hours.
We changed rooms.
That one talked too. I’m telling you the whole hotel had something to say- it was wild. After a week I got used to it. It isn’t so bad when it’s not windy, but , as you might have heard Seattle gets a lot of rain, and um wind… it’s unbearable.
But I couldn’t believe in a town who is famous for insomnia, one of the nicer hotels in town would, it seems go out of it’s way to make the stereotype true.
Good riddance.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
GREETINGS FROM TACOMA
So here I am in Tacoma Washington, sitting in my rented Tahoe in the middle of the night on an Army commercial. For those of you that are avid readers, you will remember that I ended my year last year by blowing up a set, and this year ends no differently. We’ve built a set in the middle of a field- a “bad guys base camp” and we’ve been blowing it up bit by bit…
Well sort of. Lots of army dudes, gas explosions, helicopters, machine guns shooting blanks… pretty cool shit actually.
The whole job is about a month long and myself, my father, my boyfriend and a host of other dummies are up here as well…
Tacoma leaves a lot to be desired, but Seattle is awesome- we move hotels up to Seattle next week which I am looking forward to- I’ve been in shit hole Tacoma for far too long.
Excited to go to Colorado for the holidaze- Tate is coming with, which is nice… we are about to have our one year anniversary- gulp. Speaking of anniversaries , I have officially been in the US for a year… in fact it was one year ago tonight my brother threw me my welcome home/ 30th birthday party…
I was in such a different place then- just back- deeply culture shocked- unsure of where I was going to live, or if would go strait back to work, or if I was even going to stay… a lot has happened- most notable of course is Tate, without whom I can no longer imagine my life. (sigh)
And so I don’t know. I don’t feel like blogging lately, and its not that life isn’t exciting or interesting… it’s just, happening, and I am enjoying it, and I don’t feel the need to share it as much as I did before. I feel very grateful, and blessed, and so in love… it’s just all so nice. I’m a happy girl, and it’s a welcome feeling.
And so, in conclusion I leave you with this: Dirka Dirka, Jihad Dirka.
Well sort of. Lots of army dudes, gas explosions, helicopters, machine guns shooting blanks… pretty cool shit actually.
The whole job is about a month long and myself, my father, my boyfriend and a host of other dummies are up here as well…
Tacoma leaves a lot to be desired, but Seattle is awesome- we move hotels up to Seattle next week which I am looking forward to- I’ve been in shit hole Tacoma for far too long.
Excited to go to Colorado for the holidaze- Tate is coming with, which is nice… we are about to have our one year anniversary- gulp. Speaking of anniversaries , I have officially been in the US for a year… in fact it was one year ago tonight my brother threw me my welcome home/ 30th birthday party…
I was in such a different place then- just back- deeply culture shocked- unsure of where I was going to live, or if would go strait back to work, or if I was even going to stay… a lot has happened- most notable of course is Tate, without whom I can no longer imagine my life. (sigh)
And so I don’t know. I don’t feel like blogging lately, and its not that life isn’t exciting or interesting… it’s just, happening, and I am enjoying it, and I don’t feel the need to share it as much as I did before. I feel very grateful, and blessed, and so in love… it’s just all so nice. I’m a happy girl, and it’s a welcome feeling.
And so, in conclusion I leave you with this: Dirka Dirka, Jihad Dirka.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
AND JUST LIKE THAT, EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT
So Tate and I have been talking about moving in together for a while…. But there were a lot of uncertainties… Do we get a new place together- does he move into my place? Will it ever feel like our place? Or will it always have the stench of “my” place? How do we make it “ours”… I mean my place for the money- you really can’t do much better- but my parents own the place, and that has it’s pluses and minuses… and so we deliberate.
Then we shifted the conversation to, well, if he did move in, how would we do the place, how would we do it differently to make it feel different… we came up with switching the office and the bedroom- make it feel new, different… and the bedroom is bigger and it kinda makes more sense for two people and two desks and all that…
So the other day we did a little online browsing, desks, dressers…. What would we need to buy to make the space work for two. We found a few things we liked, a couple of things we loved etc. SO. Yesterday when we went to the store to pay and order the above mentioned pieces of furniture. Figuring it would arrive in a few weeks and by then we would have Tate's apt packed up and we could move him in and build our new shit and all that…
So then perhaps you can understand how it caught me off guard when they had everything in stock. And before I knew it , there we were moving the bed, building the desks, moving bookshelves, doing the whole thing last night.
I mean, I knew he was moving in, and I knew things were gonna change, but I hadn’t really expected it all to happen in one day…
And to make things crazier, when we found out we could take all the shit home, we figured we would move it all around today, and spend the rest of the week, bringing Tate’s shit over and settling in, but yesterday afternoon I got a call to start a job today- so suddenly we had a shit load to do all before I came to work this morning….
But before I knew it, it was 11 pm, and there we were, with 2 new desks in the old bedroom, and our heads laying where the fax machine and printer had been just a few hours prior.
It was wild, but I guess that’s what you get when you have two art dept people move in together. Instant house… like it’s a set.
The truth is that the rooms look great, and I think I am going to like it a lot. It will undoubtedly take some getting used to…. Middle of the night trips to the bathroom, closet still in the office that kinda thing? Where do I put my dirty clothes now… etc. But it feels like a new apt. And that was the whole goal. Make it new, make it feel like Tate and I made it together…
As a side note- my cats were totally confused. It was bed time, mom was in her pajamas, but why did she keep going in the office? And why wasn’t the bed in the bedroom? What the fuck? It’s gonna take some getting used to for sure…
Then we shifted the conversation to, well, if he did move in, how would we do the place, how would we do it differently to make it feel different… we came up with switching the office and the bedroom- make it feel new, different… and the bedroom is bigger and it kinda makes more sense for two people and two desks and all that…
So the other day we did a little online browsing, desks, dressers…. What would we need to buy to make the space work for two. We found a few things we liked, a couple of things we loved etc. SO. Yesterday when we went to the store to pay and order the above mentioned pieces of furniture. Figuring it would arrive in a few weeks and by then we would have Tate's apt packed up and we could move him in and build our new shit and all that…
So then perhaps you can understand how it caught me off guard when they had everything in stock. And before I knew it , there we were moving the bed, building the desks, moving bookshelves, doing the whole thing last night.
I mean, I knew he was moving in, and I knew things were gonna change, but I hadn’t really expected it all to happen in one day…
And to make things crazier, when we found out we could take all the shit home, we figured we would move it all around today, and spend the rest of the week, bringing Tate’s shit over and settling in, but yesterday afternoon I got a call to start a job today- so suddenly we had a shit load to do all before I came to work this morning….
But before I knew it, it was 11 pm, and there we were, with 2 new desks in the old bedroom, and our heads laying where the fax machine and printer had been just a few hours prior.
It was wild, but I guess that’s what you get when you have two art dept people move in together. Instant house… like it’s a set.
The truth is that the rooms look great, and I think I am going to like it a lot. It will undoubtedly take some getting used to…. Middle of the night trips to the bathroom, closet still in the office that kinda thing? Where do I put my dirty clothes now… etc. But it feels like a new apt. And that was the whole goal. Make it new, make it feel like Tate and I made it together…
As a side note- my cats were totally confused. It was bed time, mom was in her pajamas, but why did she keep going in the office? And why wasn’t the bed in the bedroom? What the fuck? It’s gonna take some getting used to for sure…
Sunday, October 22, 2006
THREE CANKER SORES AND A FRACTURE THANK YOU VERY MUCH
Greetings from the Santa Monica infirmary. Where I am hopped up on Vicodin and my cat Pete is loaded on Morphine. Fun times at 1450 Franklin.
I have had a ball buster of a sore throat for a week now- so bad that I went to the doctor twice. The first time I went they took a throat culture, as it turns out I don’t have strep. But a upon a second visit it was determined that I nave not one, not two but three enormous canker sores on my left tonsil.
Terrific. Those fuckers are huge and they fucking HURT. I mean big time. Haven’t had pain like this, since, well, ever. Shit is maddening. But the doc gave me Vicodin for the pain- so in between gargling with salt water, and NOT eating very much I am getting seriously high on the vics…..
It would seem perfect timing that the week I spend in bed all doped up my cat would go and fall out a window and fracture his leg. (His left leg I might add) I think the whole thing was an attempt to get special treatment and an excuse to get wasted and lay in bed with mom- but in all fairness the screen finally gave way and he fell out of the window about 6 feet onto the concrete and fractured his bone and has been limping severely ever since.
But that’s why they made cat morphine. And human vicodin.
Another dose Pete? Yes lets.
I have had a ball buster of a sore throat for a week now- so bad that I went to the doctor twice. The first time I went they took a throat culture, as it turns out I don’t have strep. But a upon a second visit it was determined that I nave not one, not two but three enormous canker sores on my left tonsil.
Terrific. Those fuckers are huge and they fucking HURT. I mean big time. Haven’t had pain like this, since, well, ever. Shit is maddening. But the doc gave me Vicodin for the pain- so in between gargling with salt water, and NOT eating very much I am getting seriously high on the vics…..
It would seem perfect timing that the week I spend in bed all doped up my cat would go and fall out a window and fracture his leg. (His left leg I might add) I think the whole thing was an attempt to get special treatment and an excuse to get wasted and lay in bed with mom- but in all fairness the screen finally gave way and he fell out of the window about 6 feet onto the concrete and fractured his bone and has been limping severely ever since.
But that’s why they made cat morphine. And human vicodin.
Another dose Pete? Yes lets.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
I could tell you all about brents wedding.
I could tell you about when Rachel got married.
I could tell you all about indiana.
Or I could just show you the pictures
I could tell you about when Rachel got married.
I could tell you all about indiana.
Or I could just show you the pictures
Friday, September 15, 2006
WELCOME TO FORT WAYNE INDIANA, HAVE A COOKIE
That’s what the man with the cookie basket says as he greets you as you deboard the plane. “Welcome to the Midwest, forget your diet- it’s time to fatten up.”
And it’s no joke. I single handedly undid 5 months of dieting in 11 days in Indiana. And I have only one thing to say:
YUM. No joke- Fort Wayne was delicious, everything soaked in butter and salt, served with macaroni salad and French fries, oh my god- BLISS. Cakes and pies and donuts and you just can’t believe the things they made. Tate’s mom is a FANTASTIC cook, far and away the best macaroni and cheese I have EVER had. I mean, it was serious, holy lasagna and burgers and chocolate cake… and I mean what was I gonna do? Say no to Tate’s Mom? Aheemmm no. I asked for seconds.
It was great.
We left Fort Wayne this morning- and as is the case with certain places in the world, I can tell it is going to take a few weeks to digest the experience. But there are a few things I found particular to Fort Wayne that I have never seen anywhere else in the world.
For one thing- everyone still smokes- with the exception of Tate's immediate family- every other person I met smoked, and as you can still smoke in restaurants and bars- they all smoke A LOT. Secondly, everyone, when saying good bye says “be careful” I’m not sure what there is going on in Indiana that everyone is so cautious about… but the result of this is two fold- on the one hand you feel a heightened sense of fear- as there is something evil out there that needs warning against, but on the other hand there is a tremendous sense of kindness that is extended to you because everyone is looking after you… it’s kind. And the third and particularly strange thing I discovered in Indiana is that when you go to a restaurant they ask you, before the meal, how you would like the bill. Chase and Tate together, And Dave and Lori together, and Cory came alone so separate him… and this happens everywhere. At EVERY MEAL. It’s not that it’s annoying or bothersome, at least not to the costumer- would seem it would bother the waiter if anyone… but this is just HOW IT IS. Totally normal. And to me, it’s one of the strangest customs I ‘ve ever seen.
In truth it makes it easier, and it is fairer and cleaner and no complex math to do, but it TOTALLY takes the romance out of trying to buy someone dinner. All that “no I insist” at the beginning of the meal just isn’t the same….
I don’t know what that says about those Hoosiers- are they cheap, are they stingy and don’t want to pay a part of a friends beer? Or is it simply an easier way to enjoy a meal? All I know is I get the serious stink eye anytime I ask for a check to be separated anywhere else I have ever been… strange little place Fort Wayne.
I actually liked it a lot, I loved meeting Tate’s family and seeing the world he grew up in. I learned so much about him in a short amount of time- it was like cramming for a test- except um, without the test. And everyone was so kind and sweet and very REAL. No pretentious Los Angeles crap that is so prevalent out west- just good old real kind people. But admittedly there is a lot if ignorance going on there, just silly bigotry or comments about “fags” or some shit- and these people don’t mean it, they just don’t know any better. And that makes it frustrating- because to offer another opinion to some people is seen as an offence, or an attack on their way of life, and that can be sort of saddening and terrible frustrating. I spent a lot of time with my mouth shut, and smiling politely. Tate is not so good at that- he lets people know what he thinks, and I’m sure if it was my home town I would too, but it always stirs up the shit, and when your probably never going t o agree, sometimes its better just to stay quiet and just enjoy dinner. (ahha chase- for those of you that are longtime blog readers perhaps you will remember a religious argument that happened on these pages about a year ago where I was singing a slightly different song- my, how your tune has changed Chase…. Tisk tisk tisk)
Either way I had a wonderful time and was so grateful to be taken into Dave and Lori’s home and to be included in all of Tate’s family meals and outings… it’s was pretty great.
And my favorite part was Tate. Because he was pretty cute.
And it’s no joke. I single handedly undid 5 months of dieting in 11 days in Indiana. And I have only one thing to say:
YUM. No joke- Fort Wayne was delicious, everything soaked in butter and salt, served with macaroni salad and French fries, oh my god- BLISS. Cakes and pies and donuts and you just can’t believe the things they made. Tate’s mom is a FANTASTIC cook, far and away the best macaroni and cheese I have EVER had. I mean, it was serious, holy lasagna and burgers and chocolate cake… and I mean what was I gonna do? Say no to Tate’s Mom? Aheemmm no. I asked for seconds.
It was great.
We left Fort Wayne this morning- and as is the case with certain places in the world, I can tell it is going to take a few weeks to digest the experience. But there are a few things I found particular to Fort Wayne that I have never seen anywhere else in the world.
For one thing- everyone still smokes- with the exception of Tate's immediate family- every other person I met smoked, and as you can still smoke in restaurants and bars- they all smoke A LOT. Secondly, everyone, when saying good bye says “be careful” I’m not sure what there is going on in Indiana that everyone is so cautious about… but the result of this is two fold- on the one hand you feel a heightened sense of fear- as there is something evil out there that needs warning against, but on the other hand there is a tremendous sense of kindness that is extended to you because everyone is looking after you… it’s kind. And the third and particularly strange thing I discovered in Indiana is that when you go to a restaurant they ask you, before the meal, how you would like the bill. Chase and Tate together, And Dave and Lori together, and Cory came alone so separate him… and this happens everywhere. At EVERY MEAL. It’s not that it’s annoying or bothersome, at least not to the costumer- would seem it would bother the waiter if anyone… but this is just HOW IT IS. Totally normal. And to me, it’s one of the strangest customs I ‘ve ever seen.
In truth it makes it easier, and it is fairer and cleaner and no complex math to do, but it TOTALLY takes the romance out of trying to buy someone dinner. All that “no I insist” at the beginning of the meal just isn’t the same….
I don’t know what that says about those Hoosiers- are they cheap, are they stingy and don’t want to pay a part of a friends beer? Or is it simply an easier way to enjoy a meal? All I know is I get the serious stink eye anytime I ask for a check to be separated anywhere else I have ever been… strange little place Fort Wayne.
I actually liked it a lot, I loved meeting Tate’s family and seeing the world he grew up in. I learned so much about him in a short amount of time- it was like cramming for a test- except um, without the test. And everyone was so kind and sweet and very REAL. No pretentious Los Angeles crap that is so prevalent out west- just good old real kind people. But admittedly there is a lot if ignorance going on there, just silly bigotry or comments about “fags” or some shit- and these people don’t mean it, they just don’t know any better. And that makes it frustrating- because to offer another opinion to some people is seen as an offence, or an attack on their way of life, and that can be sort of saddening and terrible frustrating. I spent a lot of time with my mouth shut, and smiling politely. Tate is not so good at that- he lets people know what he thinks, and I’m sure if it was my home town I would too, but it always stirs up the shit, and when your probably never going t o agree, sometimes its better just to stay quiet and just enjoy dinner. (ahha chase- for those of you that are longtime blog readers perhaps you will remember a religious argument that happened on these pages about a year ago where I was singing a slightly different song- my, how your tune has changed Chase…. Tisk tisk tisk)
Either way I had a wonderful time and was so grateful to be taken into Dave and Lori’s home and to be included in all of Tate’s family meals and outings… it’s was pretty great.
And my favorite part was Tate. Because he was pretty cute.
Friday, August 25, 2006
SHOPPING
I love shopping. Damaris, my newly appointed “stylist” took me shopping a few weeks ago and we bought me some much needed new clothes, and it was AWESOME. Then this week we took my cutie pants boyfriend and bought him (and I’m not kidding here) and entire new wardrobe. A suit, shirts, ties, jeans, button ups, fucking- a, even pajamas.
And I gotta say, my man looks good.
I love shopping with Damaris. In fact I love doing just about anything with that girl. Shopping ,movies, working, driving a car, watching TV. She’s just a good girl. The best part about shopping with D is she has good taste, and she knows what is allowed.
That’s the thing about shopping and clothes that I always hated- it’s that it seems like there are all these rules to clothing.
“Oh god you can’t wear that with that…”
“good lord look at her!”
…and I just, don’t know them. Lord knows my mother tried…but she will be the first to tell you I never got it. Dead of winter in Colorado and I am heading out the door in shorts. (now that sounds like common sense) but seriously. I just never got it. Combine that with the fact that I am not your average boutique size, and I just kinda give up.
T-shirts and jeans- that’s where I’ve lived. For years. I look like my father. (god my poor mother). I mean, m mom went to fashion school for god sakes!
Anyway. It wall started with the jeans. Girls jeans don’t fit- well, not if your like me and have a bit of the “junk in the trunk” as it were- so I go to men’s stores. Levi’s, wranglers… whatever. For years damaris has been saying “those jeans don’t fit- you look like you have a terd in your pants”. And I would say- “I can’t wear girls jeans,” and she would sigh and quietly roll her eyes.
And then the other day I called her and said. “ok D. Lets go buys some jeans” The next thing I know I’m at the register with my credit card in hand, at barneys, saying “shit I’m unemployed, but spending this much money in an afternoon is FUN! And it was.
But I will say this, my junk in the trunk is looking a lot more like budunk-budunk.
And I gotta say, my man looks good.
I love shopping with Damaris. In fact I love doing just about anything with that girl. Shopping ,movies, working, driving a car, watching TV. She’s just a good girl. The best part about shopping with D is she has good taste, and she knows what is allowed.
That’s the thing about shopping and clothes that I always hated- it’s that it seems like there are all these rules to clothing.
“Oh god you can’t wear that with that…”
“good lord look at her!”
…and I just, don’t know them. Lord knows my mother tried…but she will be the first to tell you I never got it. Dead of winter in Colorado and I am heading out the door in shorts. (now that sounds like common sense) but seriously. I just never got it. Combine that with the fact that I am not your average boutique size, and I just kinda give up.
T-shirts and jeans- that’s where I’ve lived. For years. I look like my father. (god my poor mother). I mean, m mom went to fashion school for god sakes!
Anyway. It wall started with the jeans. Girls jeans don’t fit- well, not if your like me and have a bit of the “junk in the trunk” as it were- so I go to men’s stores. Levi’s, wranglers… whatever. For years damaris has been saying “those jeans don’t fit- you look like you have a terd in your pants”. And I would say- “I can’t wear girls jeans,” and she would sigh and quietly roll her eyes.
And then the other day I called her and said. “ok D. Lets go buys some jeans” The next thing I know I’m at the register with my credit card in hand, at barneys, saying “shit I’m unemployed, but spending this much money in an afternoon is FUN! And it was.
But I will say this, my junk in the trunk is looking a lot more like budunk-budunk.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
THE BOWL AND THE BUS
In what has become a three years in the making tradition- last weekend Nikky and friends celebrated her birthday by renting a double decker bus and driving a bunch of friends- several cases of champagne and a ton of food thru Hollywood to the Hollywood bowl.
It’s always so much fun and so ridiculous- and indeed it was again this year. Had some new kids which is always fun for someone to drive up la brea, or down Hollywood with a full bottle of champagne in your hand howling at pedestrians for the first time. (and it never seems to get old for some of us – ah carter???)
The show was the reggae nation or something- and it was really fun. I’ve never seen so many wasted people at the bowl, and it has certainly never been so lax about smoking cigarettes and pot in your seat. Love those hippies man.
Anyway, an excellent night. And, not a ton, but a smattering of pictures here.
It’s always so much fun and so ridiculous- and indeed it was again this year. Had some new kids which is always fun for someone to drive up la brea, or down Hollywood with a full bottle of champagne in your hand howling at pedestrians for the first time. (and it never seems to get old for some of us – ah carter???)
The show was the reggae nation or something- and it was really fun. I’ve never seen so many wasted people at the bowl, and it has certainly never been so lax about smoking cigarettes and pot in your seat. Love those hippies man.
Anyway, an excellent night. And, not a ton, but a smattering of pictures here.
Monday, August 07, 2006
BIRDS POSSUMS AND CATS OH MY
Flap flap.
Thud thud.
That was the sound I awoke to at 5am on sunday morning as Pete the cat had a bird half dead and flapping around on the floor IN MY BEDROOM.
I am not good with birds, especially half dying stunned little grey ones on my floor. There was Pete, just happy as could be- “look mom I brought you a present!” Little fucker. The bird was so not dead yet, but quickly on his way…
‘Tate…. Uhhhh, mmmm, aaahhhh, eeee honey wake up, get the bird, get the bird out… help honey”
Now imagine this spoken by barry white: (becasue for some unknow reason that's how Tate sounds when he is still half asleep)
“Go back to sleep baby, don’t worry about it, Good boy petey, get him...”
That was his answer. Fucker. Meanwhile the bird is like, seizing about a foot away from my head. Finally Sally and I had had enough. So we shut the bed room door with Pete Tate and the bird inside, and she and I slept our morning out on the couch. And when I returned to the scene of the crime a few hours later there were feathers everywhere, a small bloody carcass at the foot of the bed and two soundly sleeping jackasses.
***
That same evening I watched Joey, my parents Jack Russell attack and kill a possum in their backyard. Didn’t really take long, that little dog kicked some serious possum ass. He didn’t stand a chance. Couldn’t tell if he killed him or if was he just playing possum, either way he wound up shoveled into a neighbors yard thru the alley.
It was a gruesome day for the “domestic” animals over here in Santa Monica.
Yuck.
It was the kind of day that makes your ankles feel vulnerable. I hate that.
Thud thud.
That was the sound I awoke to at 5am on sunday morning as Pete the cat had a bird half dead and flapping around on the floor IN MY BEDROOM.
I am not good with birds, especially half dying stunned little grey ones on my floor. There was Pete, just happy as could be- “look mom I brought you a present!” Little fucker. The bird was so not dead yet, but quickly on his way…
‘Tate…. Uhhhh, mmmm, aaahhhh, eeee honey wake up, get the bird, get the bird out… help honey”
Now imagine this spoken by barry white: (becasue for some unknow reason that's how Tate sounds when he is still half asleep)
“Go back to sleep baby, don’t worry about it, Good boy petey, get him...”
That was his answer. Fucker. Meanwhile the bird is like, seizing about a foot away from my head. Finally Sally and I had had enough. So we shut the bed room door with Pete Tate and the bird inside, and she and I slept our morning out on the couch. And when I returned to the scene of the crime a few hours later there were feathers everywhere, a small bloody carcass at the foot of the bed and two soundly sleeping jackasses.
***
That same evening I watched Joey, my parents Jack Russell attack and kill a possum in their backyard. Didn’t really take long, that little dog kicked some serious possum ass. He didn’t stand a chance. Couldn’t tell if he killed him or if was he just playing possum, either way he wound up shoveled into a neighbors yard thru the alley.
It was a gruesome day for the “domestic” animals over here in Santa Monica.
Yuck.
It was the kind of day that makes your ankles feel vulnerable. I hate that.
Friday, August 04, 2006
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START
Seems like I write less and less these days and I am forced to summarize more and more, and as a result my blogs are well, less than their former glory.
What can I say- some people blog every day… I don’t.
They win.
The last month and 1/2 have been good- sometimes very intense, and at times hectic, but mostly good.
Did a commercial and a music video back to back which was a bit much… two big jobs really take it’s toll on the sleep factor. Another bad side effect of too much work is that I unfortunately had a falling out with a long time employee where by he told me to go fuck himself and I basically haven’t hired him since. It was pretty heartbreaking, because he was a loyal employee, and a good friend, and I feel his absence on my jobs since…
BUT.
I had a FUCKING AWESOME fourth of July. I have uploaded some pictures here. It was just really really fun. It started watching Italy win the semi finals of the world cup, then we had a bbq at Emily Fosters house (god damn is her baby cute… seriously) and then we went to the Dodger game where not only did we sit in the FRONT ROW ON THE FIELD, but my friend brad got HIT WITH A FLY BALL in the chest (hilarious) and THEN after the game they let us rush the field and we sat on the grass and watched an EPIC fireworks show. God damn SO MUCH FUN. I’m a big fan of music during fireworks… and they played all the Americana great ones- Neil Diamonds comin to America, fucking john cougar…. It was pretty awesome. Very America, very 4th.
After finishing a horrific music video (I’ll never do another one ever again, but then, I say that after EVERY video I do)… I actually had a few days off. And that was marvelous. I actually got some time to work on my backyard, planted some roses, built a cat door for my cats (totally changed their life and mine by the way) I can’t really take credit for the cat door though- Tate really did that big boy)…then we refinished my teak table and chairs, and after a few days my backyard was actually wonderful again…
Then I went to Block Island for Justin Dragonas’s wedding. It was a lot of fun and there are a shit load of pictures.
Came home to work (which is always nice). Doing a Remington shaver commercial with Cindy Crawford. And I have to say, often models are not nearly as hot as they should be,. I suppose that why she is a “super” model. She really is stunning, and it really is pretty amazing to see a woman who is THAT beautiful in the flesh…
Coming up, I have 3 weeks of traveling in September… Tate is taking me home to Indiana the first week of sept, (gulp) then we go to Wash DC for my dad’s art opening, then we go to Martha’s vineyard for a wedding, and finally we get to relax for a week or two in cape cod… so as of now I am just working working working to afford my little September travels….
In terms of personal stuff I am kinda terrific. I am so head over heals for Tate- it’s totally absurd. We are very much in the thick of it, and that’s totally fun and new and wild and just fucking great.
I do miss Rome all the time, and can’t believe sometimes I don’t live there, and now that its been like, Jesus, 9 months (!) since I was there, my time there is coming into focus in terms of what it meant in the scope of my life… pretty wild.
SO that’s kind of it. Been thinking of all sorts of odds and ends to blog, and I never do… kind of a jackass that way.
Anyway- hope everyone is well.
Xo-me
What can I say- some people blog every day… I don’t.
They win.
The last month and 1/2 have been good- sometimes very intense, and at times hectic, but mostly good.
Did a commercial and a music video back to back which was a bit much… two big jobs really take it’s toll on the sleep factor. Another bad side effect of too much work is that I unfortunately had a falling out with a long time employee where by he told me to go fuck himself and I basically haven’t hired him since. It was pretty heartbreaking, because he was a loyal employee, and a good friend, and I feel his absence on my jobs since…
BUT.
I had a FUCKING AWESOME fourth of July. I have uploaded some pictures here. It was just really really fun. It started watching Italy win the semi finals of the world cup, then we had a bbq at Emily Fosters house (god damn is her baby cute… seriously) and then we went to the Dodger game where not only did we sit in the FRONT ROW ON THE FIELD, but my friend brad got HIT WITH A FLY BALL in the chest (hilarious) and THEN after the game they let us rush the field and we sat on the grass and watched an EPIC fireworks show. God damn SO MUCH FUN. I’m a big fan of music during fireworks… and they played all the Americana great ones- Neil Diamonds comin to America, fucking john cougar…. It was pretty awesome. Very America, very 4th.
After finishing a horrific music video (I’ll never do another one ever again, but then, I say that after EVERY video I do)… I actually had a few days off. And that was marvelous. I actually got some time to work on my backyard, planted some roses, built a cat door for my cats (totally changed their life and mine by the way) I can’t really take credit for the cat door though- Tate really did that big boy)…then we refinished my teak table and chairs, and after a few days my backyard was actually wonderful again…
Then I went to Block Island for Justin Dragonas’s wedding. It was a lot of fun and there are a shit load of pictures.
Came home to work (which is always nice). Doing a Remington shaver commercial with Cindy Crawford. And I have to say, often models are not nearly as hot as they should be,. I suppose that why she is a “super” model. She really is stunning, and it really is pretty amazing to see a woman who is THAT beautiful in the flesh…
Coming up, I have 3 weeks of traveling in September… Tate is taking me home to Indiana the first week of sept, (gulp) then we go to Wash DC for my dad’s art opening, then we go to Martha’s vineyard for a wedding, and finally we get to relax for a week or two in cape cod… so as of now I am just working working working to afford my little September travels….
In terms of personal stuff I am kinda terrific. I am so head over heals for Tate- it’s totally absurd. We are very much in the thick of it, and that’s totally fun and new and wild and just fucking great.
I do miss Rome all the time, and can’t believe sometimes I don’t live there, and now that its been like, Jesus, 9 months (!) since I was there, my time there is coming into focus in terms of what it meant in the scope of my life… pretty wild.
SO that’s kind of it. Been thinking of all sorts of odds and ends to blog, and I never do… kind of a jackass that way.
Anyway- hope everyone is well.
Xo-me
Friday, June 23, 2006
BACK IN THE SADDLE BITCH
Well wouldn’t you know it the second Tate and I got all settled in in Oregon ready for more fishing and fun- the phone rang and within 16 hours Tate and I were back in the car headed down to LA to go back to work. Damnit. I wasn’t gonna take the job- but Phil and Tate talked me into it and since they will get days on it too- I listened and this morning started another job.
Good lord.
It was a super fucking bummer to have to leave- but the drive was quick enough (yea right 12 fucking hours) but we made it and here we are.
And that’s kinda it- working my little sunshine ass off, and looking just fine while I do it.
What!
Good lord.
It was a super fucking bummer to have to leave- but the drive was quick enough (yea right 12 fucking hours) but we made it and here we are.
And that’s kinda it- working my little sunshine ass off, and looking just fine while I do it.
What!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME
Greetings from central Oregon. Tate and I are having yet anther little adventure together. This time we decided last minute to jump in the car and drive up north to go see Phil. I’ve been working with Phil for going on 7 years now- and for the last 5 since he moved here it’s been “you gotta come up, this place is the best ever…” ect ect.
But I have to hand it to Tate for making it happen. We decided on Friday afternoon and we were gone Saturday morning.
We spent the night in San Fransico on saturday- which is always so awesome- Tate had never been there so we drove down Lombard st and sat in golden gate park, had a beer on the haight and then stumbled onto the Italian North beach festival- during the Italy US world cup game- which was awesome. We ate Italian food and watched the game, smoked a joint and laughed at the world going by. We hooked up with my old friend Max and his friends and went out in the Castro… and at 7am the next morning we departed the city via the golden gate bridge…
It was awesome.
We got to Bend Oregon on Sunday afternoon and since then have been given the total royal treatment… we went hiking yesterday and rafting today and tomorrow we are taking Phil’s boat out in the morning and then another hike, and on Thursday we’re going g fishing….
Man Oregon is fucking awesome. So beautiful and clean and amazing. Bend is a cross between small town Colorado and small town new England. It’s totally wild- it’s kind of red neck and mountains like Colorado- but then there is a very manicured elegance like in Martha’s Vineyard or upstate Connecticut,… it’s really fucking cool.
Right now I am at Kinko’s downloading shit for work (What the !!!) as Phil doesn’t have internet at his house. But that’s just about the only thing he doesn’t have. I mean it- 5 acres!!! He has a pond and a fire pit and a hammock and a HUGE backyard, a Jacuzzi, a paddle tennis court, a barn and a boat- he has a horse 2 goats, 3 cats and 2 dogs… its so so amazing.
So anyway- my shit is done downloading- so I am off.
Be good, go Miami and don’t forget to keep your head in the game…
But I have to hand it to Tate for making it happen. We decided on Friday afternoon and we were gone Saturday morning.
We spent the night in San Fransico on saturday- which is always so awesome- Tate had never been there so we drove down Lombard st and sat in golden gate park, had a beer on the haight and then stumbled onto the Italian North beach festival- during the Italy US world cup game- which was awesome. We ate Italian food and watched the game, smoked a joint and laughed at the world going by. We hooked up with my old friend Max and his friends and went out in the Castro… and at 7am the next morning we departed the city via the golden gate bridge…
It was awesome.
We got to Bend Oregon on Sunday afternoon and since then have been given the total royal treatment… we went hiking yesterday and rafting today and tomorrow we are taking Phil’s boat out in the morning and then another hike, and on Thursday we’re going g fishing….
Man Oregon is fucking awesome. So beautiful and clean and amazing. Bend is a cross between small town Colorado and small town new England. It’s totally wild- it’s kind of red neck and mountains like Colorado- but then there is a very manicured elegance like in Martha’s Vineyard or upstate Connecticut,… it’s really fucking cool.
Right now I am at Kinko’s downloading shit for work (What the !!!) as Phil doesn’t have internet at his house. But that’s just about the only thing he doesn’t have. I mean it- 5 acres!!! He has a pond and a fire pit and a hammock and a HUGE backyard, a Jacuzzi, a paddle tennis court, a barn and a boat- he has a horse 2 goats, 3 cats and 2 dogs… its so so amazing.
So anyway- my shit is done downloading- so I am off.
Be good, go Miami and don’t forget to keep your head in the game…
Monday, June 12, 2006
HOLY MOTHER OF….
Hello and greetings at 9:30pm doing nothing at work except waiting for my favorite 4 letter word to come: wrap.
Finishing up a mother of a job. Spent 5 days in the hideous desert- hotter than 2 rats fuckin in a wool sock out there- fucking hell man. 2 days in Palm Springs hell, and then 2 more in 29 palms on a god forsaken salt flat.
The sun was hotter than shit out there- let me tell you.
But the real highlight was when a 20 foot speed rail pole came sweeping down out of the sky and slammed my dear old boyfriend Tate square across the head and sent him to hospital where he was the lucky recipient of two, count em two staples in the noggin.
But the upshot of him splitting his head open, getting knocked out and becoming fairly severely concussed- was that he and I got to spend the rest of the afternoon in the sweet loving air conditioning of the emergency room.
And while I ‘m on the subject- let me tell you about the ER in a hi-desert community. Jesus fuck those animals are all meth addicts. Even the doctors and nurses…. No joke- these sand mongers are fucking crazy- and not just because they don’t know any better- but because the heat has melted their brains- mush, mashed brain. Terrifying.
And damned entertaining….
The woman in the bed next to us was so blisteringly wasted- she kept pulling out her IV and dripping blood on the floor so she could leave to go smoke a cigarette- finally they had to bring in the police to strap her to the bed- brutal. Then there was the kid who was so strung out on meth he collapsed at the front door of the ER- and how could I ever forget the teenager who was brought in by his mother for what she called a severely ingrown toenail.
I guess my question is this: how ingrown does a toenail have to get to warrant a trip to the ER. Apparently in the desert it’s all par for the course.
Alas- Tate is fine. He received two staples, a bottle of vicodin and got the rest of the day off. He has, admittedly been a little rough around the edges since the “pounding” as I’ve taken to calling it- he does things like try to roll down car windows that are already down… he gets dizzy and lightheaded… his first cat scan was fine- and we are going to get another next week- but man- the first two days after said pounding he was the definition of concussed. I guess I know that he’ll be fine- which is why I can laugh.
Cuz it’s funny. But not like ha ha.
Finishing up a mother of a job. Spent 5 days in the hideous desert- hotter than 2 rats fuckin in a wool sock out there- fucking hell man. 2 days in Palm Springs hell, and then 2 more in 29 palms on a god forsaken salt flat.
The sun was hotter than shit out there- let me tell you.
But the real highlight was when a 20 foot speed rail pole came sweeping down out of the sky and slammed my dear old boyfriend Tate square across the head and sent him to hospital where he was the lucky recipient of two, count em two staples in the noggin.
But the upshot of him splitting his head open, getting knocked out and becoming fairly severely concussed- was that he and I got to spend the rest of the afternoon in the sweet loving air conditioning of the emergency room.
And while I ‘m on the subject- let me tell you about the ER in a hi-desert community. Jesus fuck those animals are all meth addicts. Even the doctors and nurses…. No joke- these sand mongers are fucking crazy- and not just because they don’t know any better- but because the heat has melted their brains- mush, mashed brain. Terrifying.
And damned entertaining….
The woman in the bed next to us was so blisteringly wasted- she kept pulling out her IV and dripping blood on the floor so she could leave to go smoke a cigarette- finally they had to bring in the police to strap her to the bed- brutal. Then there was the kid who was so strung out on meth he collapsed at the front door of the ER- and how could I ever forget the teenager who was brought in by his mother for what she called a severely ingrown toenail.
I guess my question is this: how ingrown does a toenail have to get to warrant a trip to the ER. Apparently in the desert it’s all par for the course.
Alas- Tate is fine. He received two staples, a bottle of vicodin and got the rest of the day off. He has, admittedly been a little rough around the edges since the “pounding” as I’ve taken to calling it- he does things like try to roll down car windows that are already down… he gets dizzy and lightheaded… his first cat scan was fine- and we are going to get another next week- but man- the first two days after said pounding he was the definition of concussed. I guess I know that he’ll be fine- which is why I can laugh.
Cuz it’s funny. But not like ha ha.
Friday, May 26, 2006
LIFE HAS A WAY
Of just moving right along doesn’t it?
I mean, one day I was living in Italy doing things the Italian way, writing a blog all the time, and the next thing I know, I look up and realize I’ve been back in la for almost 6 months to the day (WHOA….) and I never take the time to write anymore- and I think what the hell has happened?
And the truth is – a fucking TON. Truly a ton.
First and foremost I fell in love, and that changed everything. I now am thinking for two-and it’s so nice. And he’s so the greatest guy- and it’s so real and wonderful and intense, I mean, I have a serious boyfriend, and I see my friends less, and when I’m not working I’m with him, and it’s WILD.
IT’S SO DIFFERENT NOW. LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT.
And at the same time- it’s exactly the same. It’s fucking weird.
In a nut shell, the last, Jesus it’s been a month and a half since I wrote- I worked like a maniac this spring- really brutal back to back jobs- paid down a lot of debt (not all the way- which is the American way).. watched a lot of basket ball- my team the clippers made it to game 7 of the semi finals (which for the Europeans online- that is the equivalent of someone like Leeds almost winning the premiership) – it was fucking intense…. I went to Colorado for two weeks with Tate.
Saw the babies, painted my parents new house, as a sort of thank you for letting me bunk up at their place for 4 months… we hiked, and played, and napped, and got massages, and drank in the afternoon, it was so so nice- and I had forgotten the importance of taking someone you love home. Sure Tate had met my family- but home is Colorado and it was so wonderful for him to see that.
Then we packed up and came back to LA for one day and the two of went to Hawaii for a week. Tough life, I know. I got these insano cheap tickets online and we were supposed to only go for a weekend, but we got there (Waikiki for those who care) and 4 days was NOT going to be enough- so we extended our trip. It was the BEST. Since were back everyone has been asking what we did: “did you go surfing, hiking, waterskiing, para gliding, base jumping?” And the answer is , “uh no.”
We did nothing, not a god damned thing, and fucking hell if it didn’t take all day to get it done. I mean, we just got our little chairs and umbrella and sat our ass on the beach and that was fucking it. And we played in the water, and cuddled and ran around and drank in the afternoon (and morning) and slept in late, and just RELAXED. Total vacation- total bliss.
It was AMAZING.
And now I am back ,and started work already- some, what am I dong? Oh right Cover girl. Cover girl: shoot in palm springs for 5 days- I went to scout yesterday –it was 105 Fahrenheit. Holy shit. That’s fucking hot.
But you know, back in the house, the clippers lost, the cats are good, I’m back at work, gearing up for a summer of weddings in the east coast, ( I have SEVEN wedding s this year- holy hell fire- ranging from Mexico, cape cod, Martha’s vineyard, Dallas Texas, Block island, Florida and one in LA- so much for vacation this year- all my money is going to a free meal on the other side of the country… shit)
And so it’s nuts- sure a lot has happened- but it blows my mind that it’s been SIX MONTHS since I left Rome. And I can’t believe that I am not going back tomorrow- and I can’t believe that I haven’t been back yet- I miss it- and I don’t.
I mean, I miss my friends, and I miss the life style, and I miss being an ex-pat, and being away from the states- but there are things here that I can’t get there- like Tate for one, and my family, and I don’t know- TV and sushi, and Mexican food and yard sales with friends, and my god sons, and all of that shit- you know, my LIFE.
And that’s been a strange realization- that my life is here- and home base is here- but that the deal is, I work and then TRAVEL. Cuz that’s what makes me happy- and I CAN. It’s not that hard, and I’m into it
So, that’s it. Hey pics uploaded- Hawaii, and Colorado. Fun times.
I mean, one day I was living in Italy doing things the Italian way, writing a blog all the time, and the next thing I know, I look up and realize I’ve been back in la for almost 6 months to the day (WHOA….) and I never take the time to write anymore- and I think what the hell has happened?
And the truth is – a fucking TON. Truly a ton.
First and foremost I fell in love, and that changed everything. I now am thinking for two-and it’s so nice. And he’s so the greatest guy- and it’s so real and wonderful and intense, I mean, I have a serious boyfriend, and I see my friends less, and when I’m not working I’m with him, and it’s WILD.
IT’S SO DIFFERENT NOW. LIFE IS SO DIFFERENT.
And at the same time- it’s exactly the same. It’s fucking weird.
In a nut shell, the last, Jesus it’s been a month and a half since I wrote- I worked like a maniac this spring- really brutal back to back jobs- paid down a lot of debt (not all the way- which is the American way).. watched a lot of basket ball- my team the clippers made it to game 7 of the semi finals (which for the Europeans online- that is the equivalent of someone like Leeds almost winning the premiership) – it was fucking intense…. I went to Colorado for two weeks with Tate.
Saw the babies, painted my parents new house, as a sort of thank you for letting me bunk up at their place for 4 months… we hiked, and played, and napped, and got massages, and drank in the afternoon, it was so so nice- and I had forgotten the importance of taking someone you love home. Sure Tate had met my family- but home is Colorado and it was so wonderful for him to see that.
Then we packed up and came back to LA for one day and the two of went to Hawaii for a week. Tough life, I know. I got these insano cheap tickets online and we were supposed to only go for a weekend, but we got there (Waikiki for those who care) and 4 days was NOT going to be enough- so we extended our trip. It was the BEST. Since were back everyone has been asking what we did: “did you go surfing, hiking, waterskiing, para gliding, base jumping?” And the answer is , “uh no.”
We did nothing, not a god damned thing, and fucking hell if it didn’t take all day to get it done. I mean, we just got our little chairs and umbrella and sat our ass on the beach and that was fucking it. And we played in the water, and cuddled and ran around and drank in the afternoon (and morning) and slept in late, and just RELAXED. Total vacation- total bliss.
It was AMAZING.
And now I am back ,and started work already- some, what am I dong? Oh right Cover girl. Cover girl: shoot in palm springs for 5 days- I went to scout yesterday –it was 105 Fahrenheit. Holy shit. That’s fucking hot.
But you know, back in the house, the clippers lost, the cats are good, I’m back at work, gearing up for a summer of weddings in the east coast, ( I have SEVEN wedding s this year- holy hell fire- ranging from Mexico, cape cod, Martha’s vineyard, Dallas Texas, Block island, Florida and one in LA- so much for vacation this year- all my money is going to a free meal on the other side of the country… shit)
And so it’s nuts- sure a lot has happened- but it blows my mind that it’s been SIX MONTHS since I left Rome. And I can’t believe that I am not going back tomorrow- and I can’t believe that I haven’t been back yet- I miss it- and I don’t.
I mean, I miss my friends, and I miss the life style, and I miss being an ex-pat, and being away from the states- but there are things here that I can’t get there- like Tate for one, and my family, and I don’t know- TV and sushi, and Mexican food and yard sales with friends, and my god sons, and all of that shit- you know, my LIFE.
And that’s been a strange realization- that my life is here- and home base is here- but that the deal is, I work and then TRAVEL. Cuz that’s what makes me happy- and I CAN. It’s not that hard, and I’m into it
So, that’s it. Hey pics uploaded- Hawaii, and Colorado. Fun times.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
SO THEN….
It’s been a long time since I have written, and for that I apologize- but after I try and surmise all that has occurred in the last few weeks you might begin to understand why I haven’t had a while lot of extra time to write…
Firstly, I moved back into my old apartment. This happened for a couple of reasons. The renters that were living here decided to move out, and suddenly my apartment was available. I had been considering a move- or at least renting an apartment in LA. Work has been going so well, and I actually am enjoying being here- combine that with a new man in my life- I wanted to have a place where we could go that wasn’t his place and that want’ my parents house- if you catch my drift. So I decided what the fuck- it was about the easiest move I have ever done- all my shit was either in the apartment already or in the garage outside. I didn’t even have to get a truck. It was pretty sweet. So I got the place fumigated and cleaned and within a few hours I was in.
Talk about instant life- I feel like Guy (for those of you familiar with the reference…) Nothing like a car, a man and a home to make you feel all settled in. The cats were more than a little shocked, and I think twice as happy to come home. It really made me think about the last 18 months of my life, and all the travels the cats and I have done, coming home. Little things like plugging my phone charger in next to my bed for what could be that last time in a while gave me the most amazing feeling- I have been on the road for so long- what a marvelous feeling to come home- combine that with the absurdness of moving BACK into an old apartment- unpacking is such a no brainier- shit, I already know where everything goes… strange. I did re-arrange slightly- gives the house a new vibe- I like it a lot.
Then there has been work. Just back to back to back to back jobs. Seriously going for it. Got a new art director and she and I are working really well together- like two little peas in a pod. It’s nice. I have barely had time to scratch my you know what- I’ve been working just like a manic. It’s good.
Then my brother had a birthday- which meant we had to throw a big ol party. I footed much of the bill, and so the while “getting out of debt” suffered a minor setback because of it, I say fuck it, it was seriously worth it. Highlights include a chewbaca shaped piñata, me in gorilla suit knocking over the tip jar on the bar, and ruining a few books- and me spilling three fresh drinks in a row on the floor because of a dare- it seems the night was an utter success.
I do get weekends off these days- and that has been pretty blissful. Been spending a lot of, ok all of my free time with Tate who is so fucking marvelous- I almost don’t even know where to begin- I have taken him to a few parties and such, and he’s always such a champ- he’s a total hit with the friends, which always makes me feel good, when people like my man… so that’s awesome. And I really like him too. Carter and Nikky have seen him the most probably, as we have a permanent standing Sunday brunch date these days, and the 4 of us are really having a nice little time… I swear he and carter are so alike- it’s a little disturbing…
What else- I made a reservation to go to Hawaii in May. Decided I was going to freak out if I didn’t have a trip on the horizon- so the aforementioned “getting out of debt” has suffered yet another minor set back- but I REALLY don’t care about this one- 4 days in Hawaii with Tate is so worth any money I can throw at it- it’s gonna be great. Found this absurdly good deal online- so I was like BOOK NOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH…
Ahhh.
What else. Damaris moved, which is so weird that she and I always seem to move apartments at the same time…
Oh, I worked with David Lachapelle last week, which was very cool. I like his work A LOT and have always admired him, so that was pretty cool to see an idol at work…
Doing a McDonalds commercial this week (woo-hoo) and then I will do Ford and then another Target spot after that…
I guess I am surprised how comfortable I am back into LA. I swear I just really didn’t think I would be staying when I came back- I really thought I was going to sweep in and get out. But I didn’t account for Tate, and now because of him, I want to stay. And it seems like I am going to. I mean, getting the apartment back and all. But I had to keep reminding myself that moving back in wasn’t a life sentence- it’s just an apartment, and if anything, this place is month to month, and better than almost any OTHER apartment this one is the easiest to be temporary in… but I don’t feel temporary. I feel quite settled, and after my uber transient year, it’s come as a welcome and comforting surprise.
So shit is good, I am happy and well and good. And that is pretty great. Will post some pics soon. And when I do, you all will be the first to know.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the emails asking for me to post- it’s always nice to know you are all listening. Till next time, fear not, for I will remain
Chase
Firstly, I moved back into my old apartment. This happened for a couple of reasons. The renters that were living here decided to move out, and suddenly my apartment was available. I had been considering a move- or at least renting an apartment in LA. Work has been going so well, and I actually am enjoying being here- combine that with a new man in my life- I wanted to have a place where we could go that wasn’t his place and that want’ my parents house- if you catch my drift. So I decided what the fuck- it was about the easiest move I have ever done- all my shit was either in the apartment already or in the garage outside. I didn’t even have to get a truck. It was pretty sweet. So I got the place fumigated and cleaned and within a few hours I was in.
Talk about instant life- I feel like Guy (for those of you familiar with the reference…) Nothing like a car, a man and a home to make you feel all settled in. The cats were more than a little shocked, and I think twice as happy to come home. It really made me think about the last 18 months of my life, and all the travels the cats and I have done, coming home. Little things like plugging my phone charger in next to my bed for what could be that last time in a while gave me the most amazing feeling- I have been on the road for so long- what a marvelous feeling to come home- combine that with the absurdness of moving BACK into an old apartment- unpacking is such a no brainier- shit, I already know where everything goes… strange. I did re-arrange slightly- gives the house a new vibe- I like it a lot.
Then there has been work. Just back to back to back to back jobs. Seriously going for it. Got a new art director and she and I are working really well together- like two little peas in a pod. It’s nice. I have barely had time to scratch my you know what- I’ve been working just like a manic. It’s good.
Then my brother had a birthday- which meant we had to throw a big ol party. I footed much of the bill, and so the while “getting out of debt” suffered a minor setback because of it, I say fuck it, it was seriously worth it. Highlights include a chewbaca shaped piñata, me in gorilla suit knocking over the tip jar on the bar, and ruining a few books- and me spilling three fresh drinks in a row on the floor because of a dare- it seems the night was an utter success.
I do get weekends off these days- and that has been pretty blissful. Been spending a lot of, ok all of my free time with Tate who is so fucking marvelous- I almost don’t even know where to begin- I have taken him to a few parties and such, and he’s always such a champ- he’s a total hit with the friends, which always makes me feel good, when people like my man… so that’s awesome. And I really like him too. Carter and Nikky have seen him the most probably, as we have a permanent standing Sunday brunch date these days, and the 4 of us are really having a nice little time… I swear he and carter are so alike- it’s a little disturbing…
What else- I made a reservation to go to Hawaii in May. Decided I was going to freak out if I didn’t have a trip on the horizon- so the aforementioned “getting out of debt” has suffered yet another minor set back- but I REALLY don’t care about this one- 4 days in Hawaii with Tate is so worth any money I can throw at it- it’s gonna be great. Found this absurdly good deal online- so I was like BOOK NOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH…
Ahhh.
What else. Damaris moved, which is so weird that she and I always seem to move apartments at the same time…
Oh, I worked with David Lachapelle last week, which was very cool. I like his work A LOT and have always admired him, so that was pretty cool to see an idol at work…
Doing a McDonalds commercial this week (woo-hoo) and then I will do Ford and then another Target spot after that…
I guess I am surprised how comfortable I am back into LA. I swear I just really didn’t think I would be staying when I came back- I really thought I was going to sweep in and get out. But I didn’t account for Tate, and now because of him, I want to stay. And it seems like I am going to. I mean, getting the apartment back and all. But I had to keep reminding myself that moving back in wasn’t a life sentence- it’s just an apartment, and if anything, this place is month to month, and better than almost any OTHER apartment this one is the easiest to be temporary in… but I don’t feel temporary. I feel quite settled, and after my uber transient year, it’s come as a welcome and comforting surprise.
So shit is good, I am happy and well and good. And that is pretty great. Will post some pics soon. And when I do, you all will be the first to know.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the emails asking for me to post- it’s always nice to know you are all listening. Till next time, fear not, for I will remain
Chase
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