Should anyone want a good hardy laugh. Have a look at first comment on the most recent post.
Three words. Laugh out Loud.
Perfect, subtle, ironic, delicious.
God bless America.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
UNTITLED THOUGHT
They say your not suppose to drink water while you eat. They say it’s “bad for you.” Did you know that? I didn’t. I just found this out. Every time I tell someone they say, “yea, I’ve known that forever.” As if it were as common knowledge as sugar makes you hyper.
Well I didn’t know. And what’s worse is I DO IT. A lot. I mean, I am a big water drinker at meals… I’m a fill ‘er up a few times ever go round.
So now, anytime I sit down to eat and I plow thru my requisite 3 or 4 glasses of water, instead of feeling refreshed and quenched, as I have been, for, oh say, the past 30 years. I now feel something that I refuse to associate with food. GUILT.
As if there aren’t enough rules revolving around eating and food as it is. Don’t eat fat, don’t eat sugar, don’t eat carbs, don’t eat after 7pm, don’t overeat, don’t eat too much of one thing, eat a certain percentage of grains, proteins, fats and carbs at every meal, count your calories, and the latest addition: Don’t drink water with meals.
What the fuck? Just wondering, is there any other way we can strip any shred of enjoyment from the consumption process?
I mean, we need food to survive. It’s something we HAVE TO do every day of our life, EVERYDAY. Why have we turned it into such a deeply regulated event, devoid of any pleasure or spontaneity? How many times have you heard someone say after eating a cookie or piece of cake, “that was so bad” or “god I’m gonna pay for that later”… when did eating what makes us happy become such a source of guilt and self disapproval?
The two other things that we have to do every day is sleep and shit. Right? And are there already enough rules in those departments, why must food join these two? Are we capably of allowing nothing in our daily routine to give us happiness? Why must we make every thing so restricted, so stringent, so sterile? Why can’t we just relax?
Sleep needs quiet, dark, soft, warm, alone, together…ect. It’s a pretty specifically formulated daily event. And who hasn’t wanted to sleep in, take a nap, get to bed early, stay in bed late more often? Sleeping has become an indulgence, instead of a right. A luxury instead of a basic necessity. We are forced to deprive ourselves of sleep to maintain productiveness. “But don’t wear yourself out.” What is the first thing they are you when you start to feel sick? “Have you been getting enough sleep? Tsk Tsk, you’ve got to take care of yourself.” As if you should know better. How dare you. To sleep all day is to be a lazy bum. To try and keep up is run yourself ragged. It’s an impossible position. And the result is guilt.
And shitting. Don’t even get me started. Talk about rules. God damn there are actual laws against defecating in public. Hell you can’t even piss in public. And holy hell the guilt the surrounds the toilet. Think I’m wrong? Ask yourself why you lock yourself in a closet several times a day. I mean, when was the last time farted loudly in a business meeting? Can you imagine letting one rip and smiling with pride in front of your boss? “Ah a fart, what a celebration to be the animal that is a human!” yea, I don’t think so.
It’s amazing the capability humans have to be ashamed of that which makes us what we are.
And within that, the desire to better out current status. I suppose that’s were dieting comes from. Not so much to be the best you can be, but really just to be better than you already are. Dieting fulfills a need to feel like WE ARE WORKING ON THE SITUATION. As long as I’m aspiring to achieve perfection, I can forgive my current inadequacies. For now, because I have stripped the fun out of eating, and given up hours of my week in a gym, I can feel better because I am working on it, and only now can I tolerate the fact, that I, am only human.
Now then. What can be said for people who don’t diet? People who ignore the innate desire to improve their current status. Do we assume that hey are guiltless? Is that possible? Do they feel that they’re perfect and need no improvement? I think we can pretty much insure that with the crippling prejudices against fat people these days, that that is most likely not the case. Or, do we assume that in fact that are so bogged down with guilt and self loathing that they have simply surrendered to their imperfections and now survive only to indulge them? I don’t pose to know the answer to that question. I think it’s differs person to person, obviously.
Either way, the fact remains that to eat what you want is against the rules. To sleep in is not aloud, and to squat and pee when you are about to burst is simply gross.
We just don’t want to admit what we are. We want to pretend it’s not true. So we idolize these highly manicured and manufactured images of celebrities. People who are nowhere near the perfect creatures we pretend they are. No matter how much she diets, waxes, plucks, jogs, has entire PR teams primp and protect her, and spin her image… the fact remains that when (insert name of your favorite celebrity here) wakes up in the morning, she has bad breath, she needs more sleep, and her shit DOES stink.
My favorite part about it, is that WE KNOW ALL OF THIS. But, it’s akin to jealousy. We can rationalize all we want, and talk about it till we are blue in the face, but we can’t change THE WAY WE FEEL.
Guilt over being human is brutal. And it crosses nationalities and cultural boundaries. It’s human. It’s not animal, it’s human. Dogs shit on the street and look you right in the eye while they do it. They have no shame, no guilt.
It brings me back to the water with my meals. Humans are 96% water. How can water be bad for us? It’s part of who we are. And yet, why do I suddenly feel like an outlaw when I sip my San Pellegrino with lunch? Why do I feel like I am about to be scolded, or worse that I am silently scolding myself?
Perhaps the next time I order, I should just ask the waiter to bring another glass of water, and this time hold the side of guilt.
Well I didn’t know. And what’s worse is I DO IT. A lot. I mean, I am a big water drinker at meals… I’m a fill ‘er up a few times ever go round.
So now, anytime I sit down to eat and I plow thru my requisite 3 or 4 glasses of water, instead of feeling refreshed and quenched, as I have been, for, oh say, the past 30 years. I now feel something that I refuse to associate with food. GUILT.
As if there aren’t enough rules revolving around eating and food as it is. Don’t eat fat, don’t eat sugar, don’t eat carbs, don’t eat after 7pm, don’t overeat, don’t eat too much of one thing, eat a certain percentage of grains, proteins, fats and carbs at every meal, count your calories, and the latest addition: Don’t drink water with meals.
What the fuck? Just wondering, is there any other way we can strip any shred of enjoyment from the consumption process?
I mean, we need food to survive. It’s something we HAVE TO do every day of our life, EVERYDAY. Why have we turned it into such a deeply regulated event, devoid of any pleasure or spontaneity? How many times have you heard someone say after eating a cookie or piece of cake, “that was so bad” or “god I’m gonna pay for that later”… when did eating what makes us happy become such a source of guilt and self disapproval?
The two other things that we have to do every day is sleep and shit. Right? And are there already enough rules in those departments, why must food join these two? Are we capably of allowing nothing in our daily routine to give us happiness? Why must we make every thing so restricted, so stringent, so sterile? Why can’t we just relax?
Sleep needs quiet, dark, soft, warm, alone, together…ect. It’s a pretty specifically formulated daily event. And who hasn’t wanted to sleep in, take a nap, get to bed early, stay in bed late more often? Sleeping has become an indulgence, instead of a right. A luxury instead of a basic necessity. We are forced to deprive ourselves of sleep to maintain productiveness. “But don’t wear yourself out.” What is the first thing they are you when you start to feel sick? “Have you been getting enough sleep? Tsk Tsk, you’ve got to take care of yourself.” As if you should know better. How dare you. To sleep all day is to be a lazy bum. To try and keep up is run yourself ragged. It’s an impossible position. And the result is guilt.
And shitting. Don’t even get me started. Talk about rules. God damn there are actual laws against defecating in public. Hell you can’t even piss in public. And holy hell the guilt the surrounds the toilet. Think I’m wrong? Ask yourself why you lock yourself in a closet several times a day. I mean, when was the last time farted loudly in a business meeting? Can you imagine letting one rip and smiling with pride in front of your boss? “Ah a fart, what a celebration to be the animal that is a human!” yea, I don’t think so.
It’s amazing the capability humans have to be ashamed of that which makes us what we are.
And within that, the desire to better out current status. I suppose that’s were dieting comes from. Not so much to be the best you can be, but really just to be better than you already are. Dieting fulfills a need to feel like WE ARE WORKING ON THE SITUATION. As long as I’m aspiring to achieve perfection, I can forgive my current inadequacies. For now, because I have stripped the fun out of eating, and given up hours of my week in a gym, I can feel better because I am working on it, and only now can I tolerate the fact, that I, am only human.
Now then. What can be said for people who don’t diet? People who ignore the innate desire to improve their current status. Do we assume that hey are guiltless? Is that possible? Do they feel that they’re perfect and need no improvement? I think we can pretty much insure that with the crippling prejudices against fat people these days, that that is most likely not the case. Or, do we assume that in fact that are so bogged down with guilt and self loathing that they have simply surrendered to their imperfections and now survive only to indulge them? I don’t pose to know the answer to that question. I think it’s differs person to person, obviously.
Either way, the fact remains that to eat what you want is against the rules. To sleep in is not aloud, and to squat and pee when you are about to burst is simply gross.
We just don’t want to admit what we are. We want to pretend it’s not true. So we idolize these highly manicured and manufactured images of celebrities. People who are nowhere near the perfect creatures we pretend they are. No matter how much she diets, waxes, plucks, jogs, has entire PR teams primp and protect her, and spin her image… the fact remains that when (insert name of your favorite celebrity here) wakes up in the morning, she has bad breath, she needs more sleep, and her shit DOES stink.
My favorite part about it, is that WE KNOW ALL OF THIS. But, it’s akin to jealousy. We can rationalize all we want, and talk about it till we are blue in the face, but we can’t change THE WAY WE FEEL.
Guilt over being human is brutal. And it crosses nationalities and cultural boundaries. It’s human. It’s not animal, it’s human. Dogs shit on the street and look you right in the eye while they do it. They have no shame, no guilt.
It brings me back to the water with my meals. Humans are 96% water. How can water be bad for us? It’s part of who we are. And yet, why do I suddenly feel like an outlaw when I sip my San Pellegrino with lunch? Why do I feel like I am about to be scolded, or worse that I am silently scolding myself?
Perhaps the next time I order, I should just ask the waiter to bring another glass of water, and this time hold the side of guilt.
DUDE, BINGO
Well, I’ve had a pretty good couple of days. I am officially off work, and it’s like a whole new world. So awesome.
I have two days left of Italian class, and it is so much fun. It’s very satisfying to go back to class and to remember everything else I’ve already learned.. as it turns out I actually might be able to one day speak this language.
As you may or may not know, Italians take the month of August off. They all just close up their shops and grocery stores, and businesses and gas stations, and go out of town for the month. It’s pretty amazing. I mean, can you imagine LA closing down for an afternoon? Never. But Rome is dead. I mean dead, and every day it empties out more. All the coffee shops are closed, most restaurants are closed, LUCKILY my grocery store is remaining open (thank god) but book stores are closing, clothing stores, all boutiques… it’s amazing. Now, that being said a certain amount of really touristy things stay open.. it isn’t worth it for them to close, but in general the city gets really quiet.
And fuck man, it’s nice here. The streets are empty. Driving is bliss! This week a lot of construction has started, they use this opportunity to repair a lot of roads and such… but there is parking everywhere, and the sidewalks are empty... it’s just really nice. Course the bummer is all my local restaurants are closed, no pizza, no kabobs, no ice cream, no sandwiches…. But McDonalds is open… woo-hoo.
Speaking of American food, last night me and a few friends went to the Hard Rock Café. Holy shit it was AWESOME. I hadn’t been so excited to see a plate of nachos in my entire life. Fiona, Zoe and I ate them so fast we actually ordered a second plate. HA! We were three girls who had been without cheddar cheese for far too long, and it was time to fix that. Hard Rock has an excellent happy hour, wicked cheap, but I must be getting old, because it is really fucking loud in there, and it reminded me of the hard Rock Hotel in Vegas. The only hard rock I have been to in years.
It was funny, going to the Hard Rock, it made me remember that there was a time when one of my life ambitions was to see all the Hard Rock Café’s in the world. I realize now that was about the travel, and less about the T-shirts… but it brought me back to a time, when the most valuable thing was my hard rock t-shirts… good grief.
Another highlight in the last few days was this weekend when me and a crew of brits when to a roman bingo hall. Pretty much your standard scene out of a kubrick nightmare… it was a really creepy room with enormously high ceilings, a whole smoking section… the walls were primary yellow with burgundy trim, and a whole wall of ENORMOUS industrial piping, somewhat decoratively painted shinny matching burgundy. The room was completely silent save the pre recorded voice of a woman in Italian calling out the numbers.
Quindici.
Due
Venti quatro.
All exactly the same, save the number sesanta sete. For some reason this one was recorded by another woman, and after several rounds every time the number came up, our table erupted with laughter.
It was a pretty fun night, mostly because they kept asking us to be quiet, and this just made us laugh harder. It was like being in church, except you could smoke. We kept ordering round after round of drinks, and not fucking one of us won bingo… it think the fucker was rigged against us. At one point I won. I mean, I totally got bingo, so I yelled out with all my might BINGO!!! Oh man it was awesome, my entire table cheered, everyone gave us dirty looks (a funny thing happens to a group of foreigners who have been in a country so long, and been consistently sneered at by locals… you begin to learn how to sneer back…)
Anyway, mother fuckers came back to me to tell me I in fact had not won bingo, I had mistakenly marked off a number. I was so deflated, heartbroken really. But I decided not to make a big deal and let it go. As the night wore on I got more and more convinced that I should have asked to see the proof. I got robbed man,… I felt like the guy from Dazed and Confused who gets more and more pissed off after getting shoved at the party (Came here to do two things, drink beer, and kick some ass, looks like I’m almost outta beer)… that was me, all brooding hours later…
HA! I didn’t really care. It was still fun as hell. We returned the fuck you by stealing a trophy. Which later was stolen from us by a group of male American tourists… at a bar in the center… ahh how the world goes round.
All in all things are moving along just fine for me.
Let me put it this way, I have taken a nap 3 days in a row, and that, if nothing else, is worth writing home about.
I have two days left of Italian class, and it is so much fun. It’s very satisfying to go back to class and to remember everything else I’ve already learned.. as it turns out I actually might be able to one day speak this language.
As you may or may not know, Italians take the month of August off. They all just close up their shops and grocery stores, and businesses and gas stations, and go out of town for the month. It’s pretty amazing. I mean, can you imagine LA closing down for an afternoon? Never. But Rome is dead. I mean dead, and every day it empties out more. All the coffee shops are closed, most restaurants are closed, LUCKILY my grocery store is remaining open (thank god) but book stores are closing, clothing stores, all boutiques… it’s amazing. Now, that being said a certain amount of really touristy things stay open.. it isn’t worth it for them to close, but in general the city gets really quiet.
And fuck man, it’s nice here. The streets are empty. Driving is bliss! This week a lot of construction has started, they use this opportunity to repair a lot of roads and such… but there is parking everywhere, and the sidewalks are empty... it’s just really nice. Course the bummer is all my local restaurants are closed, no pizza, no kabobs, no ice cream, no sandwiches…. But McDonalds is open… woo-hoo.
Speaking of American food, last night me and a few friends went to the Hard Rock Café. Holy shit it was AWESOME. I hadn’t been so excited to see a plate of nachos in my entire life. Fiona, Zoe and I ate them so fast we actually ordered a second plate. HA! We were three girls who had been without cheddar cheese for far too long, and it was time to fix that. Hard Rock has an excellent happy hour, wicked cheap, but I must be getting old, because it is really fucking loud in there, and it reminded me of the hard Rock Hotel in Vegas. The only hard rock I have been to in years.
It was funny, going to the Hard Rock, it made me remember that there was a time when one of my life ambitions was to see all the Hard Rock Café’s in the world. I realize now that was about the travel, and less about the T-shirts… but it brought me back to a time, when the most valuable thing was my hard rock t-shirts… good grief.
Another highlight in the last few days was this weekend when me and a crew of brits when to a roman bingo hall. Pretty much your standard scene out of a kubrick nightmare… it was a really creepy room with enormously high ceilings, a whole smoking section… the walls were primary yellow with burgundy trim, and a whole wall of ENORMOUS industrial piping, somewhat decoratively painted shinny matching burgundy. The room was completely silent save the pre recorded voice of a woman in Italian calling out the numbers.
Quindici.
Due
Venti quatro.
All exactly the same, save the number sesanta sete. For some reason this one was recorded by another woman, and after several rounds every time the number came up, our table erupted with laughter.
It was a pretty fun night, mostly because they kept asking us to be quiet, and this just made us laugh harder. It was like being in church, except you could smoke. We kept ordering round after round of drinks, and not fucking one of us won bingo… it think the fucker was rigged against us. At one point I won. I mean, I totally got bingo, so I yelled out with all my might BINGO!!! Oh man it was awesome, my entire table cheered, everyone gave us dirty looks (a funny thing happens to a group of foreigners who have been in a country so long, and been consistently sneered at by locals… you begin to learn how to sneer back…)
Anyway, mother fuckers came back to me to tell me I in fact had not won bingo, I had mistakenly marked off a number. I was so deflated, heartbroken really. But I decided not to make a big deal and let it go. As the night wore on I got more and more convinced that I should have asked to see the proof. I got robbed man,… I felt like the guy from Dazed and Confused who gets more and more pissed off after getting shoved at the party (Came here to do two things, drink beer, and kick some ass, looks like I’m almost outta beer)… that was me, all brooding hours later…
HA! I didn’t really care. It was still fun as hell. We returned the fuck you by stealing a trophy. Which later was stolen from us by a group of male American tourists… at a bar in the center… ahh how the world goes round.
All in all things are moving along just fine for me.
Let me put it this way, I have taken a nap 3 days in a row, and that, if nothing else, is worth writing home about.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
SOLDI SOLDI
I hate shopping.
I always have.
I am one of those shoppers that always puts it off until I absolutely have to go… you know, I wait until I am down to a few ragged pair of underwear, and I finally breakdown and say fuck it, and go to the Gap Body. I walk in, throw 10 of the exact same size and color on the counter and run for my life.
My mother is the only person I shop with. She is probably the only person in the last 5 years I have tried clothes on in front of. She makes shopping easier for me. She’s fast, has good taste and often pays for things. Somehow it’s not as bad with her.
But lets face it, it’s always pretty bad. Especially because, number one: I don’t have a lot of money to buy whatever I want, and number two: I don’t have a body shape or size that stores tend to favor. So shopping sucks. I can’t fit into anything, and when I do I can’t afford it.
Shopping is evil.
Ok. So I am performing a wedding next month in New Jersey. (for those of you that don't know I am an ordained Minister and my cousin has asked me to perform her wedding, which will be my third). So I have this wedding and I don’t know what I’m going to wear… and normal, it’s like fuck it, I don’t give a shit, recycle clothes, no worried, everyone is looking at the bride anyway. But see, IM THE FUCKING REVEREND., it’s not like I am going to just blend in and be anonymous. I’m pretty sure I will get noticed.. I’d say there is a pretty good chance at least everyone at the wedding will be staring in my general direction for about 10 minutes during the ceremony. Shit
So I have a skirt I can use, and I am totally gonna wear the stand by comfort heals,… that just leaves the shirt. It’s all about the top, which is easier for me than bottoms, so that much is good I guess.
Here’s the rub.
IM IN ROME.
If I thought shopping in the US was bad… holy fuck,.
Stores in Rome are like Beverly Hills on Meth. All the clothes are size fuck you, and so are the prices. I mean SERIOUSLY. And the women working are so mean it’s amazing… really amazing. I’m not intimidated very easily, but I went into a store today and oh my god, I thought they were going to call Interpol on me or something… how dare a person like me DARE to shop in their store…
And now that my Italian is better I can now understand, that no, I’m not being paranoid, they really are talking about me. AWESOME.
God damn I hate shopping. I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty woman. Unfortunately I neither have a very wealth sugar daddy or an ass you could crack a walnut on, so it was kind or a sham in the end for me.
There are only 2 reasons I have any clothes at all. One: my mother. Two: I know where to go at home for what I want when I need it. So when I absolutely have to I can do the old in/out move and get said desired items.
Ahhhhh. SO now we have come to the crux of my problem.
I need something, and I don’t know where to go to find it which means, sadly enough.. I will be forced to…BROWSE.
Is there nothing worse than this? I think not. Wandering for hours looking at one store after another filled with my insecurities and loathing,
I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I wouldn’t give for the familiar comforts of the fancy department at Banana Republic right now.
I always have.
I am one of those shoppers that always puts it off until I absolutely have to go… you know, I wait until I am down to a few ragged pair of underwear, and I finally breakdown and say fuck it, and go to the Gap Body. I walk in, throw 10 of the exact same size and color on the counter and run for my life.
My mother is the only person I shop with. She is probably the only person in the last 5 years I have tried clothes on in front of. She makes shopping easier for me. She’s fast, has good taste and often pays for things. Somehow it’s not as bad with her.
But lets face it, it’s always pretty bad. Especially because, number one: I don’t have a lot of money to buy whatever I want, and number two: I don’t have a body shape or size that stores tend to favor. So shopping sucks. I can’t fit into anything, and when I do I can’t afford it.
Shopping is evil.
Ok. So I am performing a wedding next month in New Jersey. (for those of you that don't know I am an ordained Minister and my cousin has asked me to perform her wedding, which will be my third). So I have this wedding and I don’t know what I’m going to wear… and normal, it’s like fuck it, I don’t give a shit, recycle clothes, no worried, everyone is looking at the bride anyway. But see, IM THE FUCKING REVEREND., it’s not like I am going to just blend in and be anonymous. I’m pretty sure I will get noticed.. I’d say there is a pretty good chance at least everyone at the wedding will be staring in my general direction for about 10 minutes during the ceremony. Shit
So I have a skirt I can use, and I am totally gonna wear the stand by comfort heals,… that just leaves the shirt. It’s all about the top, which is easier for me than bottoms, so that much is good I guess.
Here’s the rub.
IM IN ROME.
If I thought shopping in the US was bad… holy fuck,.
Stores in Rome are like Beverly Hills on Meth. All the clothes are size fuck you, and so are the prices. I mean SERIOUSLY. And the women working are so mean it’s amazing… really amazing. I’m not intimidated very easily, but I went into a store today and oh my god, I thought they were going to call Interpol on me or something… how dare a person like me DARE to shop in their store…
And now that my Italian is better I can now understand, that no, I’m not being paranoid, they really are talking about me. AWESOME.
God damn I hate shopping. I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty woman. Unfortunately I neither have a very wealth sugar daddy or an ass you could crack a walnut on, so it was kind or a sham in the end for me.
There are only 2 reasons I have any clothes at all. One: my mother. Two: I know where to go at home for what I want when I need it. So when I absolutely have to I can do the old in/out move and get said desired items.
Ahhhhh. SO now we have come to the crux of my problem.
I need something, and I don’t know where to go to find it which means, sadly enough.. I will be forced to…BROWSE.
Is there nothing worse than this? I think not. Wandering for hours looking at one store after another filled with my insecurities and loathing,
I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I wouldn’t give for the familiar comforts of the fancy department at Banana Republic right now.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
PAGE 80
Weather I like it or not, I have to admit that I have always imagined that my life is a movie. That somewhere someone is watching, laughing, crying, pulling for me. Interested.
I guess it means that in this confusing ass seemingly meaningless life… there is a point, a happy ending. And even further towards the painful admission… I think it’s a romantic comedy I’m living. I mean as far as I can tell… this ain’t to period epic, definitely not a western… and up until now there has been no conspiracy theories that have forced me to jump off buildings to risk my life for the betterment, and survival of the world.
Ok. So that being said, I think I hit the scene tonight where, despite our hero’s every effort to be disgruntled, angry, lonely and bitter… she suddenly turns around and without realizing it, catches herself being totally happy,
There I was, in my kitchen, in my bra, shitty jean shorts, high heels still on from work and an apron. Cooking eggplant parmesan (something I have PERFECTED here in Italy)… singing out loud, top of my lungs, music blaring, dancing around my kitchen, sweating PROFUSELY.
And actually, if anyone was watching, if anyone was looking in I would look like a bonafied asshole.
But the thing is, it’s sincere in this moment. Happy, hot, sweating, pleased, drinking cold wine.. looking like Shaq with the amount of sweat on my forehead. I mean COME ON.
And then, all the sudden, all alone I start laughing… and that’s when I realize…
Oh my god, I’m having a Molly Ringwald moment….
Awesome.
It really IS a movie… ummm has anyone seen Loydd Dobbler?
I guess it means that in this confusing ass seemingly meaningless life… there is a point, a happy ending. And even further towards the painful admission… I think it’s a romantic comedy I’m living. I mean as far as I can tell… this ain’t to period epic, definitely not a western… and up until now there has been no conspiracy theories that have forced me to jump off buildings to risk my life for the betterment, and survival of the world.
Ok. So that being said, I think I hit the scene tonight where, despite our hero’s every effort to be disgruntled, angry, lonely and bitter… she suddenly turns around and without realizing it, catches herself being totally happy,
There I was, in my kitchen, in my bra, shitty jean shorts, high heels still on from work and an apron. Cooking eggplant parmesan (something I have PERFECTED here in Italy)… singing out loud, top of my lungs, music blaring, dancing around my kitchen, sweating PROFUSELY.
And actually, if anyone was watching, if anyone was looking in I would look like a bonafied asshole.
But the thing is, it’s sincere in this moment. Happy, hot, sweating, pleased, drinking cold wine.. looking like Shaq with the amount of sweat on my forehead. I mean COME ON.
And then, all the sudden, all alone I start laughing… and that’s when I realize…
Oh my god, I’m having a Molly Ringwald moment….
Awesome.
It really IS a movie… ummm has anyone seen Loydd Dobbler?
Sunday, July 31, 2005
LIVING IN ITALY
My day starts slow. Double cappuccino. Rarely breakfast. Sit with the cats. It’s hot already- so I shut the shutters- because the morning sun is poring in and making my room hot.
I usually have a script or two to read. Depending on the heat, or my mood, or whatever- sometimes I’ll stay at home, lounge on the bed with the cats, or sometimes I’ll go out and read. Sometimes I go to villa borghese or villa pamphili. Some times I read at a pub or café.. but not usually in the morning hours. Often I stay at home. Read for 3 or 4 hours. Sometimes I write, look things up in the internet, email… draw.
I never have anywhere to be until 4 pm. So my days are my own… sprinkled with errands, reading… whatever. I spend almost everyday by myself.
At 3:45 I go to work. I ride my baby blue Vespa, Luigi to and from the office. I work behind the villa borghese. Sometimes I like to cut thru the park on my way. It’s illegal to ride a scooter thru there- taxi’s only. But it’s so beautiful, and it always smells so pretty, and people are just happier in a park. Some days I risk it.
Driving to and from work are the highlight of my day. When I am riding Luigi I am complete anonymous. There is no way to tell I am un staneri. (Foreigner). I look, drive and speed like a local. I swerve and jab- zoom thru traffic. Barely stop at lights- NEVER put my feet on the ground… it is bliss.
Work is a funny place. There are 4 people in the office. Christina- the woman I see most. I work in her office- the receptionist room. I help her answer the phone when she is on it, I open the door for people… she is Roman, and now that I work there- her English is fucking good. She is the first Italian woman under 35 who has been nice to me. And I like her a lot. Most days at work I write my coverage’s from the scripts I have read… sometimes I read in the office. Christina leaves me alone when I read, I don’t have to answer the phone or talk to her, I put my ipod on and see how fast I can get thru a script. She’s been timing me. I’m getting faster.
Faruk is my boss. He is Turkish and really nice. He is funny, handsome, charming, smart, and has excellent taste. (and really amazing art in his office- including an original Monet, two Warhol’s, a Chagall and a sketch from the school of Michelangelo…it’s intense). Then there is Massimo- still can’t figure out what he does. And Teng. Teng is Chinese, and as far as I have gathered, Faruk and him are old friends, and Faruk just lets him use the office for his fashion business in Hong Kong.
I don’t have to go to the office if I don’t want- but I enjoy it, plus it gives some structure to my day.
This will be my last week of work for a while- we are closed most of August. I have decided to go back to Italian school. So it won’t really be like I am off. I am just exchanging one daily project with another.
At 8 pm I get off work. I’m usually hungry. Sometimes I go home a cook something, Sometimes I treat myself and eat out. Sometimes I pick something little up and go down to Finnegan’s, my local pub and see if I know anyone in there. I almost always do. The thing about an ex-pat small nit English speaking community in a foreign city- is you tend to stick together. This bar is our living room, it is where we watch TV, and listen to music together. It is where we play pool and laugh.
A few months ago I didn’t understand the pub thing. I went there and got drunk. Didn’t realize yet that the alcohol is a total secondary thing at the pub. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice that it’s there- but it is hardly the root cause of why we, and I go there. At least, not anymore.
I pull up on my Vespa, and there is a group sitting out front. Zoe and Suzie yell in unison “Yeaaaa, Chase!!!” They make me feel nice. They like me. And finally, after 7 months I’ve realized, I like them too. They are great. Then we sit around and tell some crap story. Talk about some bullshit or another. It’s the same core crew, give or take a few. People come thru all the time… transients, temps. Giles is here just for 6 weeks. He works for the Canadian embassy. He is smart and funny. And I get to talk international politics with him. Hugh was here for 3 months. He’s gone now. Hannah has left too, so has Damaris. Suzie and Tony are moving to Sardinia. But not for a year. There is always a feeling of the temporary here. We are always aware that this ride is short, and everyday we just try to stay on for as long as we can. None of us are from this place, but this is where we have chosen to be. And we all just hope that no one will show up, and make us go home.
Sometimes I hang out for a while, sometimes I just pop in. When I go home. I have to read a script. But I don’t do it right away. I sit in my room, look out the window. Smoke a cigarette and let the sky cross my mind.
Pete is sleeping on the floor by the closet. Sally is asleep on the chair. It’s cooled down a bit – but it’s still hot. Finally it’s gotten quite. The occasional scooter goes by under my window, the building shakes slightly.
Maybe I’ll take a look at that script. Who’s in it? Nah. I think I’ll just go to bed. I’ll have plenty of time to read in the morning.
I usually have a script or two to read. Depending on the heat, or my mood, or whatever- sometimes I’ll stay at home, lounge on the bed with the cats, or sometimes I’ll go out and read. Sometimes I go to villa borghese or villa pamphili. Some times I read at a pub or café.. but not usually in the morning hours. Often I stay at home. Read for 3 or 4 hours. Sometimes I write, look things up in the internet, email… draw.
I never have anywhere to be until 4 pm. So my days are my own… sprinkled with errands, reading… whatever. I spend almost everyday by myself.
At 3:45 I go to work. I ride my baby blue Vespa, Luigi to and from the office. I work behind the villa borghese. Sometimes I like to cut thru the park on my way. It’s illegal to ride a scooter thru there- taxi’s only. But it’s so beautiful, and it always smells so pretty, and people are just happier in a park. Some days I risk it.
Driving to and from work are the highlight of my day. When I am riding Luigi I am complete anonymous. There is no way to tell I am un staneri. (Foreigner). I look, drive and speed like a local. I swerve and jab- zoom thru traffic. Barely stop at lights- NEVER put my feet on the ground… it is bliss.
Work is a funny place. There are 4 people in the office. Christina- the woman I see most. I work in her office- the receptionist room. I help her answer the phone when she is on it, I open the door for people… she is Roman, and now that I work there- her English is fucking good. She is the first Italian woman under 35 who has been nice to me. And I like her a lot. Most days at work I write my coverage’s from the scripts I have read… sometimes I read in the office. Christina leaves me alone when I read, I don’t have to answer the phone or talk to her, I put my ipod on and see how fast I can get thru a script. She’s been timing me. I’m getting faster.
Faruk is my boss. He is Turkish and really nice. He is funny, handsome, charming, smart, and has excellent taste. (and really amazing art in his office- including an original Monet, two Warhol’s, a Chagall and a sketch from the school of Michelangelo…it’s intense). Then there is Massimo- still can’t figure out what he does. And Teng. Teng is Chinese, and as far as I have gathered, Faruk and him are old friends, and Faruk just lets him use the office for his fashion business in Hong Kong.
I don’t have to go to the office if I don’t want- but I enjoy it, plus it gives some structure to my day.
This will be my last week of work for a while- we are closed most of August. I have decided to go back to Italian school. So it won’t really be like I am off. I am just exchanging one daily project with another.
At 8 pm I get off work. I’m usually hungry. Sometimes I go home a cook something, Sometimes I treat myself and eat out. Sometimes I pick something little up and go down to Finnegan’s, my local pub and see if I know anyone in there. I almost always do. The thing about an ex-pat small nit English speaking community in a foreign city- is you tend to stick together. This bar is our living room, it is where we watch TV, and listen to music together. It is where we play pool and laugh.
A few months ago I didn’t understand the pub thing. I went there and got drunk. Didn’t realize yet that the alcohol is a total secondary thing at the pub. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice that it’s there- but it is hardly the root cause of why we, and I go there. At least, not anymore.
I pull up on my Vespa, and there is a group sitting out front. Zoe and Suzie yell in unison “Yeaaaa, Chase!!!” They make me feel nice. They like me. And finally, after 7 months I’ve realized, I like them too. They are great. Then we sit around and tell some crap story. Talk about some bullshit or another. It’s the same core crew, give or take a few. People come thru all the time… transients, temps. Giles is here just for 6 weeks. He works for the Canadian embassy. He is smart and funny. And I get to talk international politics with him. Hugh was here for 3 months. He’s gone now. Hannah has left too, so has Damaris. Suzie and Tony are moving to Sardinia. But not for a year. There is always a feeling of the temporary here. We are always aware that this ride is short, and everyday we just try to stay on for as long as we can. None of us are from this place, but this is where we have chosen to be. And we all just hope that no one will show up, and make us go home.
Sometimes I hang out for a while, sometimes I just pop in. When I go home. I have to read a script. But I don’t do it right away. I sit in my room, look out the window. Smoke a cigarette and let the sky cross my mind.
Pete is sleeping on the floor by the closet. Sally is asleep on the chair. It’s cooled down a bit – but it’s still hot. Finally it’s gotten quite. The occasional scooter goes by under my window, the building shakes slightly.
Maybe I’ll take a look at that script. Who’s in it? Nah. I think I’ll just go to bed. I’ll have plenty of time to read in the morning.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
CUPLA THINGS
So TJ my cousin came to town- totally surprised me. Just showed up for like 36 hours. It was really awesome. We had so much fun- amazingly my job just happen to give me Friday off (“we have decided to take a half day tomorrow, so you don’t have to come in..”) Awesome. I Love Italy… half days everyday!
So TJ I ate a bunch, rented him a scooter, walked a lot, sweat our asses off, got very drunk and rowdy- stayed out all night on Thursday… it was fun.
He left as quickly as he arrived- pretty classic TJ, but we laughed a lot. I love that kid. He’s a smart funny bastard.
Today I am taking my scripts and going to the pool. I have to read, but I need to be in the water, I can’t take another day of this kind of heat. So I am gonna jump in my suit and go to the pool in a few minutes.
Oh and great news, did any one hear about the terrorist they found in Rome riding a bus? Totally sweet. Really pleased about that.
Fuck.- I know it’s a big tourist town but how bout this- if you want to kill us your not invited. Is that cool?
Anyway- people are a little spooked around here. Little too close to home you know?
Ok fuck this- I have really bad cramps and I’m hot as a motherfucker. So I am going to the pool. Ciao box.
So TJ I ate a bunch, rented him a scooter, walked a lot, sweat our asses off, got very drunk and rowdy- stayed out all night on Thursday… it was fun.
He left as quickly as he arrived- pretty classic TJ, but we laughed a lot. I love that kid. He’s a smart funny bastard.
Today I am taking my scripts and going to the pool. I have to read, but I need to be in the water, I can’t take another day of this kind of heat. So I am gonna jump in my suit and go to the pool in a few minutes.
Oh and great news, did any one hear about the terrorist they found in Rome riding a bus? Totally sweet. Really pleased about that.
Fuck.- I know it’s a big tourist town but how bout this- if you want to kill us your not invited. Is that cool?
Anyway- people are a little spooked around here. Little too close to home you know?
Ok fuck this- I have really bad cramps and I’m hot as a motherfucker. So I am going to the pool. Ciao box.
Friday, July 29, 2005
HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT'S HOT
I mean hot. I mean like unrelenting oppressively unbearably hot. And with no a/c at home- there is never a time that the heat stops.
Without getting too melodramatic, I’ve quite simply never been this hot this many days in a row. Today was probably 110 degrees- maybe 105 I don’t know. The fans blow hot air, I lye around with ice on my head and take cold showers. I have maybe brief relief… but nothing that lasts. I just never stop sweating.
It’s one thing to be hot- it’s quite another to be this hot for this long. I almost don’t want to say it out loud, but I’m worried about Pete. He’s so hot… I can just tell he’s miserable. I put ice in his water, cool him down with wet towels, put ice in the sink and then put him in it…
But it’s just hot all the time. Even at night. I made the mistake of being outside in the world between 12 and 2pm today- went to lunch. The restaurant had ac so there was a brief glorious respite, but the wall of heat that I walked into after leaving the restaurant… I thought I was standing in front of an ac unit outside… it was like that hot, that intense.
Fuck man.
Let me put it this way- my eyeliner is melted. And it’s been sitting in my bathroom… does that give you an idea of what I am talking about here. I mean. It’s fucking hot.
I hate the hot. Almost as much as I hate the cold. I miss LA weather. Too bad it’s in LA. Fuck.
It's nikkys birthday! Happy birthday girly.
Without getting too melodramatic, I’ve quite simply never been this hot this many days in a row. Today was probably 110 degrees- maybe 105 I don’t know. The fans blow hot air, I lye around with ice on my head and take cold showers. I have maybe brief relief… but nothing that lasts. I just never stop sweating.
It’s one thing to be hot- it’s quite another to be this hot for this long. I almost don’t want to say it out loud, but I’m worried about Pete. He’s so hot… I can just tell he’s miserable. I put ice in his water, cool him down with wet towels, put ice in the sink and then put him in it…
But it’s just hot all the time. Even at night. I made the mistake of being outside in the world between 12 and 2pm today- went to lunch. The restaurant had ac so there was a brief glorious respite, but the wall of heat that I walked into after leaving the restaurant… I thought I was standing in front of an ac unit outside… it was like that hot, that intense.
Fuck man.
Let me put it this way- my eyeliner is melted. And it’s been sitting in my bathroom… does that give you an idea of what I am talking about here. I mean. It’s fucking hot.
I hate the hot. Almost as much as I hate the cold. I miss LA weather. Too bad it’s in LA. Fuck.
It's nikkys birthday! Happy birthday girly.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
WEATHER
It’s so hot here, that today, as I was sitting directly in front of my fan, which was blowing hot air at me… I actually had to reach back behind the fan and check whether or not the heater behind the fan had been turned on accidentally. It hadn’t. It was just really that hot.
Fucking hell. Makes me miss god old temperate LA.
Fucking hell. Makes me miss god old temperate LA.
Monday, July 25, 2005
SPLURGE
I cannot tell you how, after months and months of living without a TV and DVD player- the amazing sense of self I was returned to after I walked into the video rental place and rented two movies. This might be sad to say- but I felt almost human again. It’s just, after 10 years of working in the film biz not being able to rent a fucking movie and veg out was starting to take it’s toll.
Consider that when I lived in LA I had every electronic gizmo known to man. 2 TV’s, tivo, a phone line, a fax line, a fax machine, a cell phone, a computer, an ipod, a palm pilot, an airport, caller id, (fucking hell in my two bed room apt I had FIVE phones… )shit, I had the thing that makes the ipod work in the car… even the fancy car to boot. I mean my shit was consumerized… all the way.
And for the past several months I was feeling so liberated from all of it. From all the fucking cables, And all the energy consumed, and all the bills that went along with them… Just all of it. But after the novelty wore off- it feels good to have a TV. And granted it’s only a 14-incher, and has DVD connected to it… but it’s just about the fucking best TV I’ve ever had!
And so I guess that got my appetite up- so yesterday I went out and bought myself something else I’ve been needing awfully bad. (not an electronic…) But a big pot and two frying pans! Oh man. What bliss it is to cook in proper cooking ware. So simple. So happy.
I guess sometimes you just have to strip down to basics to realize how lucky we are to have the simplest of things.
And then sometimes you have to reward yourself with a few meager purchases to remind you that- you are in fact, an American, after all is said and done.
I know I have 3 scripts to read for work tomorrow (yea, that’s 600 pages) but fucking hell, I might just have to put in a movie first!
Consider that when I lived in LA I had every electronic gizmo known to man. 2 TV’s, tivo, a phone line, a fax line, a fax machine, a cell phone, a computer, an ipod, a palm pilot, an airport, caller id, (fucking hell in my two bed room apt I had FIVE phones… )shit, I had the thing that makes the ipod work in the car… even the fancy car to boot. I mean my shit was consumerized… all the way.
And for the past several months I was feeling so liberated from all of it. From all the fucking cables, And all the energy consumed, and all the bills that went along with them… Just all of it. But after the novelty wore off- it feels good to have a TV. And granted it’s only a 14-incher, and has DVD connected to it… but it’s just about the fucking best TV I’ve ever had!
And so I guess that got my appetite up- so yesterday I went out and bought myself something else I’ve been needing awfully bad. (not an electronic…) But a big pot and two frying pans! Oh man. What bliss it is to cook in proper cooking ware. So simple. So happy.
I guess sometimes you just have to strip down to basics to realize how lucky we are to have the simplest of things.
And then sometimes you have to reward yourself with a few meager purchases to remind you that- you are in fact, an American, after all is said and done.
I know I have 3 scripts to read for work tomorrow (yea, that’s 600 pages) but fucking hell, I might just have to put in a movie first!
Friday, July 22, 2005
UPDATE
So Max left. He had a whole bunch of shit come up that he had to deal with, so he’s gone back to the states… seems like it’s for an indefinite amount of time. Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t give notice on my apartment right?
So it’s too bad that he’s gone- but I will survive. He wasn’t really here long enough for me to get used to him here.
So that’s that. Once again it’ just little old Chase out here in the big Italian unknown all by here self. Awesome!
So it’s too bad that he’s gone- but I will survive. He wasn’t really here long enough for me to get used to him here.
So that’s that. Once again it’ just little old Chase out here in the big Italian unknown all by here self. Awesome!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
MEDIA WORLD
So after just the most infuriating week ever, where by it took 2 days to get a repair guy to come look at the broken fridge, he simply stated- “this fridge is broken. It is not worth it to repair it you should buy a new one”.
No shit.
So after an absurd amount of phone calls back and forth with the landlord and the agency guy… I just told them this morning- fuck this, I was going to the store to buy a new fridge and I would deduct all costs from my rent.
So I took a taxi to Media World (italy’s version of best buy or circuit city) and I bought another fan for the kitchen, a top of the line new fridge and fuck it while I was there I got a tv and dvd player! HA!
And the best part is I told the taxi driver to wait while I shopped.
So all I had to do was get the shit, and jump right back in the cab.
So the fridge is being delivered tomorrow- and hopefully tomorrow this time I will be drinking a nice cold beverage in the comfort of my own home.
It’s been a pretty tough week to not have ice or cold beer in the fridge- I mean, with this heat wave and all…
Sometimes you have to take the situation into your own hands. I’m only kicking myself I didn’t do this on Monday…
Beyond that- the TV has presented a furniture dilemma in the room- I had to sacrifice a precious chair to hold the sucker up, and move my desk… and well now the whole balance is off… I’m gonna have to figure it out. This may call for a complete switch around of the room… I’ll let you know. But right now it’s too hot to think about that shit- and I’ve got the new Billy Bob Thorton script to read.
Ciao box.
C
No shit.
So after an absurd amount of phone calls back and forth with the landlord and the agency guy… I just told them this morning- fuck this, I was going to the store to buy a new fridge and I would deduct all costs from my rent.
So I took a taxi to Media World (italy’s version of best buy or circuit city) and I bought another fan for the kitchen, a top of the line new fridge and fuck it while I was there I got a tv and dvd player! HA!
And the best part is I told the taxi driver to wait while I shopped.
So all I had to do was get the shit, and jump right back in the cab.
So the fridge is being delivered tomorrow- and hopefully tomorrow this time I will be drinking a nice cold beverage in the comfort of my own home.
It’s been a pretty tough week to not have ice or cold beer in the fridge- I mean, with this heat wave and all…
Sometimes you have to take the situation into your own hands. I’m only kicking myself I didn’t do this on Monday…
Beyond that- the TV has presented a furniture dilemma in the room- I had to sacrifice a precious chair to hold the sucker up, and move my desk… and well now the whole balance is off… I’m gonna have to figure it out. This may call for a complete switch around of the room… I’ll let you know. But right now it’s too hot to think about that shit- and I’ve got the new Billy Bob Thorton script to read.
Ciao box.
C
Monday, July 18, 2005
BUT IT'S LIKE, DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK?
Fucking real life.
Woke up to a total Monday Morning. Seems like if you live somewhere long enough reality is bound to catch up with you.
First of all my refrigerator crapped out. Just fucking died. Spoiling all of my food, and dripping water from the ice box all over the floor. Arg. That (related or not, I have no idea) may or may have not inspired a large group of Italian Ants from the wall by the front door to decide to migrate over to the cat food. I have never seen an ant in this apartment before… but this morning there were tons. But I remembered having seen ant spray under the sink (never a good sign)- and in fact it was there. So I sprayed the little fuckers source hole from here to kingdom come… and we’ll see if I can’t hold ‘em at the gate as it were… For now- all cat food is in a bowl of water. And I would say no food left out, but being that my fridge doesn’t work… “out” is sort a relative term this morning.
Fucking a. And it’s only 9:15.
Shit. The only thing on my side is that I am suppose to meet my landlord today to pay the rent. Looks like I’m not paying till I get a new refrigerator… ha.
Will keep you posted.
Woke up to a total Monday Morning. Seems like if you live somewhere long enough reality is bound to catch up with you.
First of all my refrigerator crapped out. Just fucking died. Spoiling all of my food, and dripping water from the ice box all over the floor. Arg. That (related or not, I have no idea) may or may have not inspired a large group of Italian Ants from the wall by the front door to decide to migrate over to the cat food. I have never seen an ant in this apartment before… but this morning there were tons. But I remembered having seen ant spray under the sink (never a good sign)- and in fact it was there. So I sprayed the little fuckers source hole from here to kingdom come… and we’ll see if I can’t hold ‘em at the gate as it were… For now- all cat food is in a bowl of water. And I would say no food left out, but being that my fridge doesn’t work… “out” is sort a relative term this morning.
Fucking a. And it’s only 9:15.
Shit. The only thing on my side is that I am suppose to meet my landlord today to pay the rent. Looks like I’m not paying till I get a new refrigerator… ha.
Will keep you posted.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
ON THE MEND
Got home on Friday night to a cold. I had been fighting it off all the while I was in Venice but it really took hold Friday night and so I went to bed at about 11pm and slept clear thru till 1pm yesterday. Spent the ENTIRE day in bed and read, slept and watched movies… it was good- because today I feel much better. Thank you mom for sending those medicines once upon a time. They came in awfully handy this weekend.
It is hot here. I mean like really really really hot. Sitting still in the shade with a fan on you and still sweating. The thermometer reads 84 in the shade, but it feels hotter than that. My poor cats. I have been putting ice in their water and wiping them down with a cool cloth... but the poor fuckers are hot and lethargic. Pete spends almost all the time on the sink where the porcelain is cool.
Question- has anyone ever seen an invention of tiles or something like a cat bed that keeps it’s cool? I mean, I have a heating bed- is there such a thing as a cooling bed? I would buy it in an instant if there were such a thing. One for the cats and one for me…
Any way it’s Sunday, and it feels like it.
I woke up feeling much better, an just cleaned the house from top to bottom, am doing laundry, and this afternoon am going to hang out with some friends…
Hope all is well on the home front.
Xoxo
C
It is hot here. I mean like really really really hot. Sitting still in the shade with a fan on you and still sweating. The thermometer reads 84 in the shade, but it feels hotter than that. My poor cats. I have been putting ice in their water and wiping them down with a cool cloth... but the poor fuckers are hot and lethargic. Pete spends almost all the time on the sink where the porcelain is cool.
Question- has anyone ever seen an invention of tiles or something like a cat bed that keeps it’s cool? I mean, I have a heating bed- is there such a thing as a cooling bed? I would buy it in an instant if there were such a thing. One for the cats and one for me…
Any way it’s Sunday, and it feels like it.
I woke up feeling much better, an just cleaned the house from top to bottom, am doing laundry, and this afternoon am going to hang out with some friends…
Hope all is well on the home front.
Xoxo
C
Friday, July 15, 2005
VENETIAN DECADENCE
Wow. What a couple of days.
Venice is absolutely breathtaking. I had only been there once before, and that was for about 10 hours, and at night… so this trip was a real treat.
We stayed in a one two three four FIVE star hotel. What a difference that 5th star makes. Our room was a suite and it was really fucking nice. Big ol tub, and a view over the Grande Canal, a balcony… holy mother of god. Let me put it this way, Elton John was staying at our hotel the same time as us…. Capice?
So we indulged in the fanciness of the hotel, and we ate one two three four twelve amazing meals. I mean, course after course of just amazing ridiculous you can’t imagine delicious.
And then we went and looked at art. The whole reason for the trip was to see the biennale. Which is a exhibition of art from all over the world. It happens every two years and it is up from June to November. There are museums all over the city that participate, so to really see it all would take days… but we saw the two large museums, and a few small ones. And then on Friday, Max and Gracy left at noon, and being that I didn’t fly out until 4ish- I stayed in the city and cruised around alone, and saw a few more shows.
Highlights include a chandelier made of tampons (picture coming), an amazing Australian artist named Ricky Swallow, and the Lucian Freud retrospective.
It’s been a long time since I was so decadent and indulged, good food, good art, and great company.
It was a real treat.
It was really nice to see Gracy and Max and Clair and Pam… but I have to say the real highlight of the trip was Friday morning zipping around alone. And that really has nothing to do with them, but just reinforces my suspicions that I am just far better off alone. It made me ponder just how much time I spend alone in general… it’s really pretty incredible.
Some people are just built to share their lives with another person, take my parents for example: the have been married for over 35 years, they work together, they spend their days off together, they take trips together, and if that isn’t enough they even do their errands together. They are a TEAM. It’s so nice. I don’t think I could ever do that. I just like to say later, and take the fuck off alone. I go to sleep alone, wake up alone, eat alone, read alone, write alone, sing alone, dance alone, hell, sometimes I even drink alone. I just like to be by myself. Which is odd, because I am actually one of the most social people I know… humm.
Anyway, fucking hell, sorry, clearly not a complete thought… perhaps I should think things thru before writing…
Anyhow, Venice was really marvelous. I will post pictures in the next day or two...
Wouldn’t have gone without the kindness of Gracy and Max. So a public thank you to my very generous friends…
It was a blast.
Oh and by the way, I am not going to Sardinia the weekend… didn't have anyone to watch the cats. So I came home. Got to be a responsible mommy!
Venice is absolutely breathtaking. I had only been there once before, and that was for about 10 hours, and at night… so this trip was a real treat.
We stayed in a one two three four FIVE star hotel. What a difference that 5th star makes. Our room was a suite and it was really fucking nice. Big ol tub, and a view over the Grande Canal, a balcony… holy mother of god. Let me put it this way, Elton John was staying at our hotel the same time as us…. Capice?
So we indulged in the fanciness of the hotel, and we ate one two three four twelve amazing meals. I mean, course after course of just amazing ridiculous you can’t imagine delicious.
And then we went and looked at art. The whole reason for the trip was to see the biennale. Which is a exhibition of art from all over the world. It happens every two years and it is up from June to November. There are museums all over the city that participate, so to really see it all would take days… but we saw the two large museums, and a few small ones. And then on Friday, Max and Gracy left at noon, and being that I didn’t fly out until 4ish- I stayed in the city and cruised around alone, and saw a few more shows.
Highlights include a chandelier made of tampons (picture coming), an amazing Australian artist named Ricky Swallow, and the Lucian Freud retrospective.
It’s been a long time since I was so decadent and indulged, good food, good art, and great company.
It was a real treat.
It was really nice to see Gracy and Max and Clair and Pam… but I have to say the real highlight of the trip was Friday morning zipping around alone. And that really has nothing to do with them, but just reinforces my suspicions that I am just far better off alone. It made me ponder just how much time I spend alone in general… it’s really pretty incredible.
Some people are just built to share their lives with another person, take my parents for example: the have been married for over 35 years, they work together, they spend their days off together, they take trips together, and if that isn’t enough they even do their errands together. They are a TEAM. It’s so nice. I don’t think I could ever do that. I just like to say later, and take the fuck off alone. I go to sleep alone, wake up alone, eat alone, read alone, write alone, sing alone, dance alone, hell, sometimes I even drink alone. I just like to be by myself. Which is odd, because I am actually one of the most social people I know… humm.
Anyway, fucking hell, sorry, clearly not a complete thought… perhaps I should think things thru before writing…
Anyhow, Venice was really marvelous. I will post pictures in the next day or two...
Wouldn’t have gone without the kindness of Gracy and Max. So a public thank you to my very generous friends…
It was a blast.
Oh and by the way, I am not going to Sardinia the weekend… didn't have anyone to watch the cats. So I came home. Got to be a responsible mommy!
Monday, July 11, 2005
I DON'T USUALLY DO THIS
But I was sent this article by my friend Melissa, And I just had to repost it.
This is how I repond to all of you who would ask... so why aren't you dating a hot italian stud yet?
As reported by Yahoo News - June 24th 2005
ITALIANS 'BRIBE' SONS TO STAY HOME INTO THIER 30'S
ROME (Reuters) - More than 80 percent of Italian men aged between 18 and 30 still live with their parents and a new study says it is because they are "bribed" by mum and dad.
The study found high rent and unemployment might also be among the reasons for so many mamma's boys. However, mostly they stay at home because they are spoilt by doting parents.
"Parents will be willing to trade off some of their consumption to 'bribe' those children who remain at home by offering them higher consumption in exchange for their presence at home," economists who conducted the study said.
The researchers at the University of London and University of California, Berkeley, found that a 10-percent increase in parental income resulted in a 10-percent rise in the proportion of sons living with their parents.
That means if the parents get a pay rise, the grown-up children get to spend the cash, giving them an incentive to stay at home.
The study found that 82 percent of 18- to 30-year-old men in Italy still lived with their parents, compared with 43 percent in the United States. The proportion in France, Britain and Germany was between 45 and 53 percent.
The study, entitled "Why do most young Italian men live with their parents?", was published by the London-based Centre for Economic Policy Research.
This is how I repond to all of you who would ask... so why aren't you dating a hot italian stud yet?
As reported by Yahoo News - June 24th 2005
ITALIANS 'BRIBE' SONS TO STAY HOME INTO THIER 30'S
ROME (Reuters) - More than 80 percent of Italian men aged between 18 and 30 still live with their parents and a new study says it is because they are "bribed" by mum and dad.
The study found high rent and unemployment might also be among the reasons for so many mamma's boys. However, mostly they stay at home because they are spoilt by doting parents.
"Parents will be willing to trade off some of their consumption to 'bribe' those children who remain at home by offering them higher consumption in exchange for their presence at home," economists who conducted the study said.
The researchers at the University of London and University of California, Berkeley, found that a 10-percent increase in parental income resulted in a 10-percent rise in the proportion of sons living with their parents.
That means if the parents get a pay rise, the grown-up children get to spend the cash, giving them an incentive to stay at home.
The study found that 82 percent of 18- to 30-year-old men in Italy still lived with their parents, compared with 43 percent in the United States. The proportion in France, Britain and Germany was between 45 and 53 percent.
The study, entitled "Why do most young Italian men live with their parents?", was published by the London-based Centre for Economic Policy Research.
HAVING A HANKERING
Been thinking a lot the last few days about Italy vs. Rome. I think I might be ready to live in a different part of the country. I was thinking of spending the fall in the country. Perhaps somewhere a bit more remote, a bit less expensive. And a bit less touristy. Perhaps Tuscany, the Amafi coast, Sardingnia… I don’t know.
I am going to Venice this week for a few days, and I was thinking maybe instead of flying back on Friday as planed, maybe I will take the train back, and take my time, stopping in Pisa, or Lucca or something.
I bet for the same price I pay for my apartment in the center of Rome I could get a fine old place in the middle of nowhere. Where I could write read, and sit with my cats out doors.
I think my main pull is the language, Seems a fucking shame that I have been here for as many months as I have and I still cant speak the fucking language. It’s a joke really. It’s just that my life in Rome consists of English and Irish friends, English speakers at work, reading in English for work, American and other English speaking tourists around every corner…. The truth is, I actually kind of KNOW how to speak, I just don’t get a chance to practice.
And despite what you might have heard, Italians are in fact NOT the friendliest people in the world (or is it just Romans?)… but to make Italian friends, is simply not as easy as it would seem.
At least not for me.
And at least not in this city.
(that being said, I have just recently really taken it to the next level with my Brit friends… I am feeling much more comfortable with them and the crazy chase is starting to surface… and they are starting to understand and enjoy it… it’s kinda great)…
So I don’t know, But I think it’s time to do some exploring.
I know Rome quite well now, and I actually could stay a lot longer. But I’d like to live somewhere a bit cheaper, so I could keep this engine running a bit longer. So who knows.
Perhaps I wont go anywhere. Perhaps I will.
Either way, as most things in my life now, all doors are open, everything is a possibility, and I am ready to accommodate all ideas.
I am going to Venice this week for a few days, and I was thinking maybe instead of flying back on Friday as planed, maybe I will take the train back, and take my time, stopping in Pisa, or Lucca or something.
I bet for the same price I pay for my apartment in the center of Rome I could get a fine old place in the middle of nowhere. Where I could write read, and sit with my cats out doors.
I think my main pull is the language, Seems a fucking shame that I have been here for as many months as I have and I still cant speak the fucking language. It’s a joke really. It’s just that my life in Rome consists of English and Irish friends, English speakers at work, reading in English for work, American and other English speaking tourists around every corner…. The truth is, I actually kind of KNOW how to speak, I just don’t get a chance to practice.
And despite what you might have heard, Italians are in fact NOT the friendliest people in the world (or is it just Romans?)… but to make Italian friends, is simply not as easy as it would seem.
At least not for me.
And at least not in this city.
(that being said, I have just recently really taken it to the next level with my Brit friends… I am feeling much more comfortable with them and the crazy chase is starting to surface… and they are starting to understand and enjoy it… it’s kinda great)…
So I don’t know, But I think it’s time to do some exploring.
I know Rome quite well now, and I actually could stay a lot longer. But I’d like to live somewhere a bit cheaper, so I could keep this engine running a bit longer. So who knows.
Perhaps I wont go anywhere. Perhaps I will.
Either way, as most things in my life now, all doors are open, everything is a possibility, and I am ready to accommodate all ideas.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
TO MOM AND DAD
As many of you know- or at least those of you who know me well- I’m not a huge fan of taking showers. I mean, I like to be clean, it’s just that with long hair it is such a fuck process. Wash, condition, brush, dry, straighten…urg.
Anyway, there have been more than a few occasions when I would let it go (ahem) quite some time- since I would have last showered. I mean not a long time, like a week-ish or so…
Anyway. My parents hate this about me- when last discussed over dinner when I was home, I believe my father called me “a child, who refuses to grow up” and said something about “picking battles” that are “totally full of shit.”
And. he is right of course, I mean, he’s right about most things concerning me. Even though I don’t give a shit, and, being too lazy to shower is hardly what I would call “picking a battle”, what can I say… what the hell.
Anyway- mom and dad, wanted to let you know that Rome provides me with the kind of environment that is so fucking hot most days, that I ABSOLUTELY IRREFUTABLY HAVE to shower EACH AND EVER DAY. Sometimes twice.
It’s really a fucking hassle. And I hate it. I so clean these I squeak. But… you gotta do what you gotta do. And I thought, you might appreciate knowing.
Anyway, there have been more than a few occasions when I would let it go (ahem) quite some time- since I would have last showered. I mean not a long time, like a week-ish or so…
Anyway. My parents hate this about me- when last discussed over dinner when I was home, I believe my father called me “a child, who refuses to grow up” and said something about “picking battles” that are “totally full of shit.”
And. he is right of course, I mean, he’s right about most things concerning me. Even though I don’t give a shit, and, being too lazy to shower is hardly what I would call “picking a battle”, what can I say… what the hell.
Anyway- mom and dad, wanted to let you know that Rome provides me with the kind of environment that is so fucking hot most days, that I ABSOLUTELY IRREFUTABLY HAVE to shower EACH AND EVER DAY. Sometimes twice.
It’s really a fucking hassle. And I hate it. I so clean these I squeak. But… you gotta do what you gotta do. And I thought, you might appreciate knowing.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
ITALY IN THE SUMMER
So summer no matter where you live still feels the same. Warm, relaxing, bbq’s days by the pool, the beach. God damn.
Been socializing a lot, getting to know these people I call my friends better and better. And really enjoying Rome in the summer. Spent yesterday by the pool. (Rome hosted the Olympics in 1960, and the remaining Olympic sized pool is totally awesome) So me and my friend Suzie and her fiancé Tony spent the day just sitting around getting sun and swimming and drinking beer and totally having a blast.
I am so bloody tan I fear I am going to look like luggage by the end of the summer, (and I was wearing 45 all day…fucking hot). Actually the heat has cooled down substantially. It’s really not so bad. When I first got back it was brutal, but now it’s kinda fine
Roman Law requires all swimmers to wear a swimming cap while in a public pool. It’s pretty crap if you ask me, especially since every time you dive in the fucking thing comes off. I have a few excellent photos of me in my awesome new swimming cap. Fucking hell. It was just so nice to spend the day lounging with friends, BY A POOL. I swear everything is right in the world when your by a pool.
Even when it’s not. What a bunch of cunts (sorry mom) those fuckers are that bombed London. Fucking wankers. All this madness has of course been making me think about 9/11 and how nuts that was. Did anyone see Ron Livingston’s speech? That dude rules. I guess not ALL politicians are assholes. (And apparently it IS possible to make a speech without reading- ahem, Bush….) I was really impressed by him. It was just so nice to here a politician speak wisely and earnestly and kick a little ass while he did it. Totally awesome.
What else. Shit I don’t know. I thought of things to write all day, and no that I’m here I can’t think of shit. Bullocks.
I am totally starting to swear like a brit. Fucking Suzie. She’s rubbing off on me.
Anyway. Tired as hell. Off to bed.
Been socializing a lot, getting to know these people I call my friends better and better. And really enjoying Rome in the summer. Spent yesterday by the pool. (Rome hosted the Olympics in 1960, and the remaining Olympic sized pool is totally awesome) So me and my friend Suzie and her fiancé Tony spent the day just sitting around getting sun and swimming and drinking beer and totally having a blast.
I am so bloody tan I fear I am going to look like luggage by the end of the summer, (and I was wearing 45 all day…fucking hot). Actually the heat has cooled down substantially. It’s really not so bad. When I first got back it was brutal, but now it’s kinda fine
Roman Law requires all swimmers to wear a swimming cap while in a public pool. It’s pretty crap if you ask me, especially since every time you dive in the fucking thing comes off. I have a few excellent photos of me in my awesome new swimming cap. Fucking hell. It was just so nice to spend the day lounging with friends, BY A POOL. I swear everything is right in the world when your by a pool.
Even when it’s not. What a bunch of cunts (sorry mom) those fuckers are that bombed London. Fucking wankers. All this madness has of course been making me think about 9/11 and how nuts that was. Did anyone see Ron Livingston’s speech? That dude rules. I guess not ALL politicians are assholes. (And apparently it IS possible to make a speech without reading- ahem, Bush….) I was really impressed by him. It was just so nice to here a politician speak wisely and earnestly and kick a little ass while he did it. Totally awesome.
What else. Shit I don’t know. I thought of things to write all day, and no that I’m here I can’t think of shit. Bullocks.
I am totally starting to swear like a brit. Fucking Suzie. She’s rubbing off on me.
Anyway. Tired as hell. Off to bed.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
UNTITLED
The steady calmness of nothing much to do most of time is returning to me. It took a few days, much shorter than last time. It comes on slow, and then it is as if I, just, sort of, tumble… into a sort of self induced laziness. I am not fighting it this time. When I first arrived all those months ago- this life style seemed frivolous and indulgent. Now I understand it is crucial to living a long life. After a few hard months of beating the worker bee mentality out of me, I have come to view these mornings of rest and reading and writing as a delicious treat, that should be savored and enjoyed.
I suppose somewhere deep down I still feel as though all of this is merely an indulgence, a calm before the proverbial storm. My whole life I was taught that there was some importance, even a responsibility to live up to ambition, desire, success. Here in this sleepy Italian city, the world rushes around me and I feel calm, still like a pin standing on end- perfectly balanced. But precarious none the less. Like the slightest pull of temptation- tales of spoils, riches, exotic nights- they could pull me back down to a busy life…
Here I am living the good life, one I have neither earned nor deserve. Still with debt, and running on a financial reserve that doesn’t exist I am seeing how long I can make this odyssey last. Fueled by lazy mornings and hot sticky afternoons in some silly feng-shued office in a fancy part of town talking about movies and waxing knowledgeable. These days are precious. These days are few.
But they are here, and so am I.
I suppose somewhere deep down I still feel as though all of this is merely an indulgence, a calm before the proverbial storm. My whole life I was taught that there was some importance, even a responsibility to live up to ambition, desire, success. Here in this sleepy Italian city, the world rushes around me and I feel calm, still like a pin standing on end- perfectly balanced. But precarious none the less. Like the slightest pull of temptation- tales of spoils, riches, exotic nights- they could pull me back down to a busy life…
Here I am living the good life, one I have neither earned nor deserve. Still with debt, and running on a financial reserve that doesn’t exist I am seeing how long I can make this odyssey last. Fueled by lazy mornings and hot sticky afternoons in some silly feng-shued office in a fancy part of town talking about movies and waxing knowledgeable. These days are precious. These days are few.
But they are here, and so am I.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
IN ALL OF MY THOUGHTS
I never thought I would be welcomed home like I have been. What a surprise. What a delightful fucking surprise.
BACK IN BLACK
So now I am in Rome, it's so awesome to be back, really chill, easy, wild really. Like I just fit right back in. Max is here now, and I think that is gonna be amazing. It’s just so nice to have an old old friend around- and for GOOD! Ha. So awesome. He brought so many DVD’s with him- it’s truly thrilling. We are getting him a bike this week, and gonna get him a temp apt (he is in a hotel right now)… but he is gonna be traveling around a bit, so we probably won't get a place together until September. Which is perfect, because there will be a lot more available then, and that is when my lease is up anyway. So I am thrilled.
Everything just feels as it should right now. What s feeling. I can’t tell you.
Speaking of Max, he surprised me with what he is calling "a belated birthday present"- he is taking me to Venice and Sardinia for 5 days in July. We are meeting his mom and sister (Claire) in Venice for some big Art show thing, and then we are going (maybe) to stay at our friend Melanie's place in Sardinia for the weekend.
I'm sorry- HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THAT???? When did I become a jet setter? I am totally excited. I can't fucking WAIT to go to Venice. It's gonna rock.
So right after that I will come back and start my second round of Italian classes. Which is a good thing, because I can’t remember jack shit for Italian. I ran into my friend Massimo last night, who I only speak Italian with… and it was brutal, he was like- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? I just couldn’t talk… it took so much brain power, but then, even after just a few minutes talking to him, I was better after that- I just haven’t THOUGHT about Italian in so long. Bahhhh.
It's hot like a mother fucker here. Really hot. Like- can't be out in the day around 1-2pm. I am going out to buy a fan today, as the AC in apartment in fact- does not work. Shit. It stays pretty cool in my apartment- but not cool enough you know?
The cats were fine in my absence it seems. They seem just dandy. When it's really hot they just both lye completely sprawled on the floor cuz it is kinda cool. I have to fashion some kind of cooling bed apparatus for them... ever heard of anything like that? Like a heating pad but cold? I carried home about 20 lbs of cat food for them, and holy shit was it worth it- they were so happy to eat it, it was cute. Gobble gobble. Love those little fuckers.
I had an interesting insight about my friends when I got back. I felt for a while before I left that I wasn't so sure how much I trusted all my new friends, and I think I felt somehow suspicious of them and them of me... in a way that I couldn't put my finger on...
but when I got back everyone was so genuinely happy to see me, and my phone starting ringing "I heard your back!!! I missed you" and what I realized was this: This little transient ex-pat community is in fact, just that. Transient. And people come and go so quickly and easily- the people here have become so hardened, because it sucks to become friends with someone and then they leave 6 months later. It's like- hi, how long are you here for? 2 months, fuck off then, can't be bothered. And I think when I came back it was like, Chase, she DOES live here, we can count on here, we can become her friend... you know? I just hadn't though of it like that before. Which made me feel better. Because I thought it was about me for a while. And now I realize it's nothing to do with me personally. It was interesting. And I already feel closer with a few of them. I also decided that the people that I'm not really friends with can go fuck themselves. I am not going to try anymore. Some of them like me, and some don't. I haven't a clue why I was trying so hard before. Maybe it's helps that Max is here, and I feel like- well I have a REAL friend here now, I don't NEED you, like I felt like I needed them before.
Anyway- it’s fucking great to be back. Start work on Monday- kinda excited to get back into- time to renegotiate, want to do a lot more there, really get to work, so hopefully that shit will work out.
I will, of course keep you posted.
Xoxo
C
Everything just feels as it should right now. What s feeling. I can’t tell you.
Speaking of Max, he surprised me with what he is calling "a belated birthday present"- he is taking me to Venice and Sardinia for 5 days in July. We are meeting his mom and sister (Claire) in Venice for some big Art show thing, and then we are going (maybe) to stay at our friend Melanie's place in Sardinia for the weekend.
I'm sorry- HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THAT???? When did I become a jet setter? I am totally excited. I can't fucking WAIT to go to Venice. It's gonna rock.
So right after that I will come back and start my second round of Italian classes. Which is a good thing, because I can’t remember jack shit for Italian. I ran into my friend Massimo last night, who I only speak Italian with… and it was brutal, he was like- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? I just couldn’t talk… it took so much brain power, but then, even after just a few minutes talking to him, I was better after that- I just haven’t THOUGHT about Italian in so long. Bahhhh.
It's hot like a mother fucker here. Really hot. Like- can't be out in the day around 1-2pm. I am going out to buy a fan today, as the AC in apartment in fact- does not work. Shit. It stays pretty cool in my apartment- but not cool enough you know?
The cats were fine in my absence it seems. They seem just dandy. When it's really hot they just both lye completely sprawled on the floor cuz it is kinda cool. I have to fashion some kind of cooling bed apparatus for them... ever heard of anything like that? Like a heating pad but cold? I carried home about 20 lbs of cat food for them, and holy shit was it worth it- they were so happy to eat it, it was cute. Gobble gobble. Love those little fuckers.
I had an interesting insight about my friends when I got back. I felt for a while before I left that I wasn't so sure how much I trusted all my new friends, and I think I felt somehow suspicious of them and them of me... in a way that I couldn't put my finger on...
but when I got back everyone was so genuinely happy to see me, and my phone starting ringing "I heard your back!!! I missed you" and what I realized was this: This little transient ex-pat community is in fact, just that. Transient. And people come and go so quickly and easily- the people here have become so hardened, because it sucks to become friends with someone and then they leave 6 months later. It's like- hi, how long are you here for? 2 months, fuck off then, can't be bothered. And I think when I came back it was like, Chase, she DOES live here, we can count on here, we can become her friend... you know? I just hadn't though of it like that before. Which made me feel better. Because I thought it was about me for a while. And now I realize it's nothing to do with me personally. It was interesting. And I already feel closer with a few of them. I also decided that the people that I'm not really friends with can go fuck themselves. I am not going to try anymore. Some of them like me, and some don't. I haven't a clue why I was trying so hard before. Maybe it's helps that Max is here, and I feel like- well I have a REAL friend here now, I don't NEED you, like I felt like I needed them before.
Anyway- it’s fucking great to be back. Start work on Monday- kinda excited to get back into- time to renegotiate, want to do a lot more there, really get to work, so hopefully that shit will work out.
I will, of course keep you posted.
Xoxo
C
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
1:26AM: IN BED. CAN'T SLEEP
My mind is racing. Leaving to go back to Rome tomorrow- having lunch AND breakfast tomorrow all before 1pm, will be in Rome the next time I go to bed, can’t wait to see the cats, thinking about my vespa, and my apartment and the new heat that has descended on the eternal city in my absence, thinking about friends, trying to think in Italian… I think I remember some, want to go back to school, want to make more friends, Max is going to live there now… wow. A real friend. A real live, on the level, old school, real deal FRIEND. In Rome… wow. It’s going to be different this time. Can’t wait. This time I go to Rome with a job, an apartment, friends to see, a vespa.. A LIFE. What a trip. I am excited. I feel alive. And nervous, and anxious, and relaxed… and just… AWAKE.
I can’t sleep.
NYC was great. Had a complete whirlwind- Vicki, TJ, grandpa, the Carter Family, friends in the village, echo’s in Grand Central, rain in Central park, hot dogs with kraut and mustard. What a town.
I gotta say I love this fucking city. I f there is any town for me in America right now it’s probably this one….
Who fucking knows anymore.
Had a really good time in the States. But it’s time to jump the puddle.
At least my flight is direct tomorrow.
Holy shit. I just checked my dashboard widget. It’s 71 degrees (F) at 6 am in Rome. That’s FUCKING HOT.
This is gonna get intense.
What can I say. Stay tuned.
I can’t sleep.
NYC was great. Had a complete whirlwind- Vicki, TJ, grandpa, the Carter Family, friends in the village, echo’s in Grand Central, rain in Central park, hot dogs with kraut and mustard. What a town.
I gotta say I love this fucking city. I f there is any town for me in America right now it’s probably this one….
Who fucking knows anymore.
Had a really good time in the States. But it’s time to jump the puddle.
At least my flight is direct tomorrow.
Holy shit. I just checked my dashboard widget. It’s 71 degrees (F) at 6 am in Rome. That’s FUCKING HOT.
This is gonna get intense.
What can I say. Stay tuned.
Monday, June 27, 2005
UNTITLED
So I am once again on the east coast preparing to jump the puddle….
Leaving LA was decidedly weird. I really just kind of snuck out the back door, didn’t throw a party, didn’t call people to say goodbye, just kind hung close to home and then ran like hell to get out of there.
I went out with some friends on my “last Friday night in LA” and I left at midnight. Two beers, a lot of yawns later, I think I was bored. I don’t know what was happening. I think I just had my fill. The job was done, my was quota full, I was ready to go home now.
I think a part of me wished I had wanted to stay, would have been easier that way. Miss LA, decide to come home, I mean, It IS where my friends and family are… but, I’m just done there. At least for now. But I am really excited to be here in NYC, so I will hang out for a few days see some very special special friends, and then it is back to Roma…
Yee fucking haw.
Ps: fuck the spurs. (except you Horry, ok and Genobli, you two I am happy for…But the rest of Texas can fuck right off- sorry Price)
Leaving LA was decidedly weird. I really just kind of snuck out the back door, didn’t throw a party, didn’t call people to say goodbye, just kind hung close to home and then ran like hell to get out of there.
I went out with some friends on my “last Friday night in LA” and I left at midnight. Two beers, a lot of yawns later, I think I was bored. I don’t know what was happening. I think I just had my fill. The job was done, my was quota full, I was ready to go home now.
I think a part of me wished I had wanted to stay, would have been easier that way. Miss LA, decide to come home, I mean, It IS where my friends and family are… but, I’m just done there. At least for now. But I am really excited to be here in NYC, so I will hang out for a few days see some very special special friends, and then it is back to Roma…
Yee fucking haw.
Ps: fuck the spurs. (except you Horry, ok and Genobli, you two I am happy for…But the rest of Texas can fuck right off- sorry Price)
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
LA VS. ROMA
So I am leaving LA in a few days and I am starting to have all the requisite pangs of sadness and shit. It’s definitely easier on round two-I mean, this time I know where I am heading to and what to expect. I already have an apartment and a vespa, and a job, So it’s a lot less stressful this time. I thought I might not be sad at all- but, as it turns out, I am a little bit.
There so many pros and cons of each of these cities that I live in… and I do feel like I live in both. BOTH feel like home… can’t help it. I mean, for fuck sakes the weather in LA. Holy shit- IT REALLY IS BLISS. Right now it’s like 95 degrees and humid as hell in Rome and its 75 and breezy in LA. I mean, its ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GORGEOUS here…fuck man. While the rest of the world melts or freezes, LA shines on, delicious and lovely as ever. It gives you a feeling that you are somehow better than the rest of the world… like we get something right here.
Course I have that feeling in Rome too. Like we get something the rest of the world doesn’t. Because the food is better there, and the art is better and the sun somehow shines brighter there. I mean, don’t get me wrong, when I drove to work at 6am this morning Downtown LA was really beautiful all lit up by the sunrise.
There really is no difference in the WAY the light hits the buildings, it’s just that the building are so much fucking cooler in Rome.
But you know, LA has things like Sav-on all night pharmacy, and my dentist, and movies round the clock in ENGLISH, but Rome has Luigi my vespa, and people don’t talk about dieting all day. LA has my family and my friends, Rome is filled with strangers and people who don’t like Americans. LA is filled with Actors and aspiring filmmakers who only talk about themselves..
LA is filled with this group of people who are still spinning out the same party having the same conversation… the only thing different is their outfits. And even those are pretty interchangeable. I don’t have any REAL friends in Rome. All my friends are in LA (and NYC… ok, shit and Aspen…) And while all those people in LA are artists, they all feel so UNINSPIRED.
And I finally feel inspired in Rome.
But I don’t know by what.
Having time to be back and get a little perspective on my time in Rome. I have no idea what I am doing there. But I guess that’s fair- it has only been a few months. It’s not like I had it all figures out 5 months into LA. Or did I?
Come to think of it- 5 months into LA I had a car, and apartment, a job, a boyfriend, a cat ,a and a film. Kinda DID have it all figured out. But I was 21 and so ambitious and unjaded by life… now it’s like- fuck man- 29 and over it all.
Hmmmm.
The only thing I know. I mean really know- is that I have my two cats.
And THEY are my home. And right now they are in Rome. And so, that is where I’m headed.
There so many pros and cons of each of these cities that I live in… and I do feel like I live in both. BOTH feel like home… can’t help it. I mean, for fuck sakes the weather in LA. Holy shit- IT REALLY IS BLISS. Right now it’s like 95 degrees and humid as hell in Rome and its 75 and breezy in LA. I mean, its ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GORGEOUS here…fuck man. While the rest of the world melts or freezes, LA shines on, delicious and lovely as ever. It gives you a feeling that you are somehow better than the rest of the world… like we get something right here.
Course I have that feeling in Rome too. Like we get something the rest of the world doesn’t. Because the food is better there, and the art is better and the sun somehow shines brighter there. I mean, don’t get me wrong, when I drove to work at 6am this morning Downtown LA was really beautiful all lit up by the sunrise.
There really is no difference in the WAY the light hits the buildings, it’s just that the building are so much fucking cooler in Rome.
But you know, LA has things like Sav-on all night pharmacy, and my dentist, and movies round the clock in ENGLISH, but Rome has Luigi my vespa, and people don’t talk about dieting all day. LA has my family and my friends, Rome is filled with strangers and people who don’t like Americans. LA is filled with Actors and aspiring filmmakers who only talk about themselves..
LA is filled with this group of people who are still spinning out the same party having the same conversation… the only thing different is their outfits. And even those are pretty interchangeable. I don’t have any REAL friends in Rome. All my friends are in LA (and NYC… ok, shit and Aspen…) And while all those people in LA are artists, they all feel so UNINSPIRED.
And I finally feel inspired in Rome.
But I don’t know by what.
Having time to be back and get a little perspective on my time in Rome. I have no idea what I am doing there. But I guess that’s fair- it has only been a few months. It’s not like I had it all figures out 5 months into LA. Or did I?
Come to think of it- 5 months into LA I had a car, and apartment, a job, a boyfriend, a cat ,a and a film. Kinda DID have it all figured out. But I was 21 and so ambitious and unjaded by life… now it’s like- fuck man- 29 and over it all.
Hmmmm.
The only thing I know. I mean really know- is that I have my two cats.
And THEY are my home. And right now they are in Rome. And so, that is where I’m headed.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
"HOME"
ok-
So the fact that it has been about 100 years since I have blogged speaks volumes about my old life I think.
First of all, I have been working so much I can hardly deal. Unlike Rome where I spend about 2 to 3 hours DAILY writing, sitting, thinking, finding stillness, I hardly sit down to form a complete thought here in LA. And, truthfully, what’s the point of writing home when I am already here…
The good news is that I am working… I got an awesome string of jobs- so far I have worked on a Budweiser spot, a Nickelodeon promo, an MTV thing and next I do a Suzuki spot. The whole thing will take me thru the 24th of the month. Figure I stay a day or two after, do errands, then I’ll be in NYC from the 27th to the 30th. And then, finally, I will get to go home to Rome. Just in time for the heat, And I go back to work on the Monday, the 4th of July. Fuck.
It’s good to be home, weird, but good. It’s just weird because it feels so normal.
I’ve been super busy, when I am not working I am all over the place, staying at friends house, seeing people, going to shows, going out big time. Went down to San Diego for a night to see Zoë Foster run the marathon. Holy shit, she had never done it before and she ran the fucker in 4 hours 29 minutes... (which is really fucking fast by the way) It was amazing, and totally inspiring. She really kicked ass, it was fun times.
I finally went to this place the Olympic spa here in LA, which is an all ladies Korean spa that just fucking rocks.
And there have been lots of parties, and dinners and TV. Watched a fair amount of TV have to admit… and you know. It’s like life as usual here. My phone rings off the hook (it’s exhausting), I am over worked and over paid, and making time for happy hour with my brother and dinner with Mimi and Santi, and Chinese take out with Damaris…
It’s awesome. But hell man, I feel like I’ve stayed too long. I'm not going to want to say goodbye all over again. I am used to it again. I wanted to come home for two weeks, but because there is all this work, it’s like, fuck man just do it and now I am going to be here a month. Which is fine… but I miss Rome.
I miss Luigi my Vespa, I really miss my cats, and I miss the monuments. I miss the cobblestone, and lemoncello, and pints with expats. I miss driving around and looking at the coliseum. Traffic in LA sucks. At least traffic in Rome you have cool shit to look at…
But it’s fun to work again. Gotten a lot of work and it’s fun to do it. I had forgotten that I am good at it, and I like my job.
Anyway. Like I said not a whole lot to write home about, especially since I am already here. Or well, am I?
Is this what it means to be bi-continental? Everytime I find myself somewhere I wish I was in back in the other place? It's confusing. Seriously.
But it’s fun times. And that’s all I can ask for.
So the fact that it has been about 100 years since I have blogged speaks volumes about my old life I think.
First of all, I have been working so much I can hardly deal. Unlike Rome where I spend about 2 to 3 hours DAILY writing, sitting, thinking, finding stillness, I hardly sit down to form a complete thought here in LA. And, truthfully, what’s the point of writing home when I am already here…
The good news is that I am working… I got an awesome string of jobs- so far I have worked on a Budweiser spot, a Nickelodeon promo, an MTV thing and next I do a Suzuki spot. The whole thing will take me thru the 24th of the month. Figure I stay a day or two after, do errands, then I’ll be in NYC from the 27th to the 30th. And then, finally, I will get to go home to Rome. Just in time for the heat, And I go back to work on the Monday, the 4th of July. Fuck.
It’s good to be home, weird, but good. It’s just weird because it feels so normal.
I’ve been super busy, when I am not working I am all over the place, staying at friends house, seeing people, going to shows, going out big time. Went down to San Diego for a night to see Zoë Foster run the marathon. Holy shit, she had never done it before and she ran the fucker in 4 hours 29 minutes... (which is really fucking fast by the way) It was amazing, and totally inspiring. She really kicked ass, it was fun times.
I finally went to this place the Olympic spa here in LA, which is an all ladies Korean spa that just fucking rocks.
And there have been lots of parties, and dinners and TV. Watched a fair amount of TV have to admit… and you know. It’s like life as usual here. My phone rings off the hook (it’s exhausting), I am over worked and over paid, and making time for happy hour with my brother and dinner with Mimi and Santi, and Chinese take out with Damaris…
It’s awesome. But hell man, I feel like I’ve stayed too long. I'm not going to want to say goodbye all over again. I am used to it again. I wanted to come home for two weeks, but because there is all this work, it’s like, fuck man just do it and now I am going to be here a month. Which is fine… but I miss Rome.
I miss Luigi my Vespa, I really miss my cats, and I miss the monuments. I miss the cobblestone, and lemoncello, and pints with expats. I miss driving around and looking at the coliseum. Traffic in LA sucks. At least traffic in Rome you have cool shit to look at…
But it’s fun to work again. Gotten a lot of work and it’s fun to do it. I had forgotten that I am good at it, and I like my job.
Anyway. Like I said not a whole lot to write home about, especially since I am already here. Or well, am I?
Is this what it means to be bi-continental? Everytime I find myself somewhere I wish I was in back in the other place? It's confusing. Seriously.
But it’s fun times. And that’s all I can ask for.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
LUXURY
Man, talk about rags to riches.
My parents have a really nice house. Showers you can turn around in, hot water you can control, TV!! More than one TV, airports for internet, fancy soap in the tray, food in the fridge, garage door clickers… just so much stuff that I have gotten used to life without and it’s wild to be so immersed back into it.
I mean last night I took a bath in a room that is bigger than my bathroom AND kitchen combined….
It’s nice. I can see why I lived here for so long, TV with 500 channels, phone lines, fax machines, Jacuzzi tubs… I get it, I remember. It’s… it’s nice. It is.
It’s making me feel wired. Like I want it all again. But I don’t really…
I mean, yesterday I worked for the first time and I am fucking beat now… I forgot how HARD I worked for the last 10 years, I mean no wonder I moved to Italy to slow down. Don’t get me wrong, the craft service table was awesome, and the free lunch was great… but fuck man, MY BODY HURTS today. Film is really hard work.
But the other thing that happened is that I watched my two friends on a break, one sat down and paid $1500 in bills, and the other pulled out a super fancy new 35mm camera.
There is such a web of making money and spending it and needing and desiring and wanting and have to have new stuff, and car payments, and make a lot and spend a lot… AND FUCKING A. It’s just exhausting.
I guess I feel silly, I lived in this city for 10 years, and in this country for 29 years… I’ve only been gone 4 months… so why then, is this all SO weird? Truth is, I don’t know why, it just kinda is…
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I am going over to Carters house for the last 4 episodes of the OC today with Damaris and then Jamie is throwing a party in my honor tonight. It’s memorial day weekend, as true and American holiday as they come… so I am gonna try not to bug out too hard, hang with my friends and make some money.
Tutti Va bene as they say…
My parents have a really nice house. Showers you can turn around in, hot water you can control, TV!! More than one TV, airports for internet, fancy soap in the tray, food in the fridge, garage door clickers… just so much stuff that I have gotten used to life without and it’s wild to be so immersed back into it.
I mean last night I took a bath in a room that is bigger than my bathroom AND kitchen combined….
It’s nice. I can see why I lived here for so long, TV with 500 channels, phone lines, fax machines, Jacuzzi tubs… I get it, I remember. It’s… it’s nice. It is.
It’s making me feel wired. Like I want it all again. But I don’t really…
I mean, yesterday I worked for the first time and I am fucking beat now… I forgot how HARD I worked for the last 10 years, I mean no wonder I moved to Italy to slow down. Don’t get me wrong, the craft service table was awesome, and the free lunch was great… but fuck man, MY BODY HURTS today. Film is really hard work.
But the other thing that happened is that I watched my two friends on a break, one sat down and paid $1500 in bills, and the other pulled out a super fancy new 35mm camera.
There is such a web of making money and spending it and needing and desiring and wanting and have to have new stuff, and car payments, and make a lot and spend a lot… AND FUCKING A. It’s just exhausting.
I guess I feel silly, I lived in this city for 10 years, and in this country for 29 years… I’ve only been gone 4 months… so why then, is this all SO weird? Truth is, I don’t know why, it just kinda is…
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I am going over to Carters house for the last 4 episodes of the OC today with Damaris and then Jamie is throwing a party in my honor tonight. It’s memorial day weekend, as true and American holiday as they come… so I am gonna try not to bug out too hard, hang with my friends and make some money.
Tutti Va bene as they say…
Monday, May 23, 2005
ONMAWAY
it’s 10:30 and I am going to bed- I have a brutal day of travel ahead of me. Have to get up at 4am. Rome to Frankfurt. Frankfurt to Chicago, then Chicago to LA. Get into LA at 7pm… that’s like, 4am Italy time… blarg. It’s a solid 24 hours of travel. Dio Mio. Fucking hell it’ gonna suck. But I have dollars and euros, so no matter what airport I’m in, I can always get a drink…
I’m beside myself, so excited to see everyone.
See you there.
C
I’m beside myself, so excited to see everyone.
See you there.
C
Sunday, May 22, 2005
FUCK
Man, fuck shit fuck shit fuck.
Argggg.
So irritated. 4 very annoying pieces of information have been brought to my attention: 1. Nikki is going out of town when am home. Unbelievable.. Fuck.
2. Turns out, there’s not going to be a whole lot of work while I am home. Major fuck. 3. I think my unemployment is not going to be renewable for a long time. Really fucking fuck. And 4. My favorite boss, is doing a commercial in southern Italy while I am in the states.
Fucking shit fucker bastard cunt blister shit fuck.
Fuck.
Argggg.
So irritated. 4 very annoying pieces of information have been brought to my attention: 1. Nikki is going out of town when am home. Unbelievable.. Fuck.
2. Turns out, there’s not going to be a whole lot of work while I am home. Major fuck. 3. I think my unemployment is not going to be renewable for a long time. Really fucking fuck. And 4. My favorite boss, is doing a commercial in southern Italy while I am in the states.
Fucking shit fucker bastard cunt blister shit fuck.
Fuck.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
GOOD
So everything is really good. I am totally pumped to go home for a spell, can’t wait to see everyone and eat my foods and see my friends … can’t wait to take a bath, watch basketball, whatever … and all of all these little things. Do some work, make some money… Just, really excited.
Things in Rome are really better than ever. I like my friends so much here. I think I may be making a few worth bothering about. Maybe, we’ll see. Takes a long time to really trust someone doesn’t it? I’ve had all my friends for so many fucking years, I never think about trust… you know? How am I not going to trust these people that I have had by my side for my whole life??? But now, with new people… there is just, so much that is unfamiliar… and that is fine at first.. but a few months down the road… when you find the people you’ve been spending time with and enjoying… sometimes its hard to judge… how well can I trust you? It’s weird.
But there may, actually be some here. Had a good week. After I got out of my weird funk (that lasted for like 4 days…blah) I feel so good. Got a bonus as work for being awesome (smile) and that felt good. And I’ve been having a good time with my friends. Starting to be very included in the community… whatever, it’s nice.
I’m gonna miss Rome. Really gonna miss my cats. That sucks I have to leave them… but, it will be that much sweeter to come back…
Been really writing a lot, I feel like my fingers are glued to the fucking keyboard… like I can’t stop. It’s all crap, dribble really. But can’t stop so fuck it.
Star wars is out, and I can’t FUCKING BELIEVE I haven’t seen it yet, forse domane. (maybe tomorrow).
Anyway. Going to bed now. More soon.
Things in Rome are really better than ever. I like my friends so much here. I think I may be making a few worth bothering about. Maybe, we’ll see. Takes a long time to really trust someone doesn’t it? I’ve had all my friends for so many fucking years, I never think about trust… you know? How am I not going to trust these people that I have had by my side for my whole life??? But now, with new people… there is just, so much that is unfamiliar… and that is fine at first.. but a few months down the road… when you find the people you’ve been spending time with and enjoying… sometimes its hard to judge… how well can I trust you? It’s weird.
But there may, actually be some here. Had a good week. After I got out of my weird funk (that lasted for like 4 days…blah) I feel so good. Got a bonus as work for being awesome (smile) and that felt good. And I’ve been having a good time with my friends. Starting to be very included in the community… whatever, it’s nice.
I’m gonna miss Rome. Really gonna miss my cats. That sucks I have to leave them… but, it will be that much sweeter to come back…
Been really writing a lot, I feel like my fingers are glued to the fucking keyboard… like I can’t stop. It’s all crap, dribble really. But can’t stop so fuck it.
Star wars is out, and I can’t FUCKING BELIEVE I haven’t seen it yet, forse domane. (maybe tomorrow).
Anyway. Going to bed now. More soon.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
EXCITED/ BOARD/RESTLESS
feel weird. The past week has been so strange. My roommate has been out of town, and I am really excited to go home, and work has really slowed down so I am not that busy…. I feel weird and kinda, well, board.
I don’t really feel like getting all involved or started on a new project because I leave for the states in less than a week. And so I am sleeping in, and not really going out, and just going to work… being a real homebody… and it’s fucking weird as hell. I never stay home this much. But I just don’t wanna go out the front door, I can’t be asked to. It’s strange. (wow, I really am going crazy)
And I am so fucking excited to go home. And it’s kinda freaking me out how much I am looking forward to it. It’s surprises me that I am so excited about it. I’m afraid I am gonna wanna stay or something.
Non-sense- impossible. But still. I’m all twitter-pated and excited about next week- but this week is like, stagnation city.
Stayed up till 4 in the morning watching old Dawson Creeks and last season OC. Seriously… what the fuck is happening to me?
I feel like I am in the calm before the storm. Feels so weird.
I feel like I just wanna get drunk until I go. And I just might. Just drink my way thru this week. If I had the stamina I just might… but that would be so 2001. ha.
Anyway. Have a few errand I have blown off for like 6 days and now I HAVE to do them. So despite the almost rainy weather, I’m going out there today.
Yikes.
I don’t really feel like getting all involved or started on a new project because I leave for the states in less than a week. And so I am sleeping in, and not really going out, and just going to work… being a real homebody… and it’s fucking weird as hell. I never stay home this much. But I just don’t wanna go out the front door, I can’t be asked to. It’s strange. (wow, I really am going crazy)
And I am so fucking excited to go home. And it’s kinda freaking me out how much I am looking forward to it. It’s surprises me that I am so excited about it. I’m afraid I am gonna wanna stay or something.
Non-sense- impossible. But still. I’m all twitter-pated and excited about next week- but this week is like, stagnation city.
Stayed up till 4 in the morning watching old Dawson Creeks and last season OC. Seriously… what the fuck is happening to me?
I feel like I am in the calm before the storm. Feels so weird.
I feel like I just wanna get drunk until I go. And I just might. Just drink my way thru this week. If I had the stamina I just might… but that would be so 2001. ha.
Anyway. Have a few errand I have blown off for like 6 days and now I HAVE to do them. So despite the almost rainy weather, I’m going out there today.
Yikes.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
LINKAGE
I thought I’d show you some of the shit I have found recently that I enjoyed, laughed at, cringed at.. what-have –you.
This made me laugh
This made me sad.
This man should win an MTV music video award
But not as much asThis guy
This site is UNBELIEVABLE
This is like the funniest thing I have ever seen
This little bitch deserves everything she gets
This man is your president
This is how everyone should clean their computer screen
This is brutal
This is a place to seriously waste some time
This girl is the shit
This woman makes me feel unworthy
This shit is hillarious if you like boston sports
This man is too fucking smart for his own good
This is the best cartoonist I have seen in a long time
There are more… but I think that’s enough for now. Right?
Appologies if you have seen some of them before... but fucking hell, some of them just never get old...
ps: I linked some of these puppies to the sidebar... cuz I'm so fucking snazzy with a computer... so don't get yr undies in a bunch if you get some repeats...
This made me laugh
This made me sad.
This man should win an MTV music video award
But not as much asThis guy
This site is UNBELIEVABLE
This is like the funniest thing I have ever seen
This little bitch deserves everything she gets
This man is your president
This is how everyone should clean their computer screen
This is brutal
This is a place to seriously waste some time
This girl is the shit
This woman makes me feel unworthy
This shit is hillarious if you like boston sports
This man is too fucking smart for his own good
This is the best cartoonist I have seen in a long time
There are more… but I think that’s enough for now. Right?
Appologies if you have seen some of them before... but fucking hell, some of them just never get old...
ps: I linked some of these puppies to the sidebar... cuz I'm so fucking snazzy with a computer... so don't get yr undies in a bunch if you get some repeats...
Monday, May 16, 2005
FAQ
So I have been getting some emails and phone calls recently asking me pretty obvious questions… like, What’s going on? Where are you? Are you OK? And what have you done with Chase, your blog is totally fucking nut ball these days and I feel like you’ve gone crazy. Which, I take as a complement... even if I am crazier than normal.
But alas- here is my FAQ section.
Yes, I am still in Italy. I live here.
Yes, I am staying here. I think.
Yea, I’m fucking dead broke.
No I am not dating the Argentinean/ Italian anymore.
Yes, I still see him, yes we are still friends, yes he still boring as shit, and yes, he will be watching my cats when I leave.
No, I don't know who the crazy anonymous/ catholic people were who made the blog a fun place to be a few weeks back. And ideas? Anyone? Ahh the power of anonimity...
No, I haven’t gotten a raise at work yet, but it has been alluded to the fact that I will.
No, I am not at Cannes Film Festival with my boss, I am instead here in the office, with surprising little to do. And so, I am getting super savvy at surfing the net.
This is not a question, just a fact- I am going to put a bunch of awesome links I have been discovering one of these days for all to peruse.
Yes, I have gone a little nuts. Lack of TV, Cash and close friends is kinda catching up with me. Cannonball!
No I am not dating anyone, but I have had some strange tongues pushing their way in my direction recently. Gross.
The cats are fine. Awesome actually.
And finally- I get to LA next Tuesday the 24th. The party is on Saturday the 28th. (email me for details). I don’t have my ticket back via NYC yet- so stop asking, I don’t know when I will be there. When I do I’ll let you know.
And that’s it.
Normal enough?
Manga Scatola.
C
But alas- here is my FAQ section.
Yes, I am still in Italy. I live here.
Yes, I am staying here. I think.
Yea, I’m fucking dead broke.
No I am not dating the Argentinean/ Italian anymore.
Yes, I still see him, yes we are still friends, yes he still boring as shit, and yes, he will be watching my cats when I leave.
No, I don't know who the crazy anonymous/ catholic people were who made the blog a fun place to be a few weeks back. And ideas? Anyone? Ahh the power of anonimity...
No, I haven’t gotten a raise at work yet, but it has been alluded to the fact that I will.
No, I am not at Cannes Film Festival with my boss, I am instead here in the office, with surprising little to do. And so, I am getting super savvy at surfing the net.
This is not a question, just a fact- I am going to put a bunch of awesome links I have been discovering one of these days for all to peruse.
Yes, I have gone a little nuts. Lack of TV, Cash and close friends is kinda catching up with me. Cannonball!
No I am not dating anyone, but I have had some strange tongues pushing their way in my direction recently. Gross.
The cats are fine. Awesome actually.
And finally- I get to LA next Tuesday the 24th. The party is on Saturday the 28th. (email me for details). I don’t have my ticket back via NYC yet- so stop asking, I don’t know when I will be there. When I do I’ll let you know.
And that’s it.
Normal enough?
Manga Scatola.
C
Friday, May 13, 2005
THE AMERICAN WEIGH
I’ve been in Rome for almost 4 months now, and in all that time I have felt really good about myself. Physically, that is. I haven’t felt fat or heavy or “thick” or whatever. I feel good and it makes me look good. No one talks about diet or carbs or any of that horse shit and mashed potatoes here, and as a result we are all just happy the way we are, and everyone is a heluva lot more laid back about themselves. At least I am.
Why then, does it surprise me, that now that I am going back to Los Angeles, the vainest city on the planet, that I feel the pangs of self consciousness creep back in.
“Fuck man, have I gained weight? Do I look fat, shit, I wonder?… Shit I did, I am fat, fuck….I can’t go home like this, ok- I’m gonna diet for the next two weeks, and exercise…” and my brain goes on and on like this.
How does this happen? And seemingly overnight. One day I am prancing along the street, owning the situation, and the next minute I am checking and double checking the bathroom mirror- examining my faults and shortcomings like a fucking grand jury.
Fucking America.
I’ve decided that America’s obsession with diet and weight is akin to Right Wing Conservative’s obsession with Jesus. And by that, I mean this: Even if you don’t subscribe to their belief, you still somehow feel like maybe you should. Or, that, if you are fat, or say, a heathen- somehow they make you feel wrong for doing your own thing.
Not that I feel wrong- at all. It’s just all a part of that same self righteous, dogmatic bullshit.
If I disagree with the self mutilation someone has to endure to fit into a size 2- I am regarded with the same distasteful looks, as if I walked into Mass and yelled “Jesus is a cunt”
Because- they all look at you as if they know better. Because in America Thin equals healthy. And you should be thin, because it will be better for you in the long run. Which to me, makes about as much sense as embracing Jesus in my heart will be better for me in the long run.
Says who? What the fuck kind of logic is that? Seriously.
And both are sold to me with equal amounts of zeal and fervor.
Which makes me want to use a purely California phrase- GAG ME WITH A FUCKING SPOON.
So I can know all this- and I can think esoterically about weight and size and self consciousness, and even Jesus. BUT. Can I put those thoughts into action in the next few weeks while I am in the devils mouth?
We’ll see. We shall see.
Ciao box.
Why then, does it surprise me, that now that I am going back to Los Angeles, the vainest city on the planet, that I feel the pangs of self consciousness creep back in.
“Fuck man, have I gained weight? Do I look fat, shit, I wonder?… Shit I did, I am fat, fuck….I can’t go home like this, ok- I’m gonna diet for the next two weeks, and exercise…” and my brain goes on and on like this.
How does this happen? And seemingly overnight. One day I am prancing along the street, owning the situation, and the next minute I am checking and double checking the bathroom mirror- examining my faults and shortcomings like a fucking grand jury.
Fucking America.
I’ve decided that America’s obsession with diet and weight is akin to Right Wing Conservative’s obsession with Jesus. And by that, I mean this: Even if you don’t subscribe to their belief, you still somehow feel like maybe you should. Or, that, if you are fat, or say, a heathen- somehow they make you feel wrong for doing your own thing.
Not that I feel wrong- at all. It’s just all a part of that same self righteous, dogmatic bullshit.
If I disagree with the self mutilation someone has to endure to fit into a size 2- I am regarded with the same distasteful looks, as if I walked into Mass and yelled “Jesus is a cunt”
Because- they all look at you as if they know better. Because in America Thin equals healthy. And you should be thin, because it will be better for you in the long run. Which to me, makes about as much sense as embracing Jesus in my heart will be better for me in the long run.
Says who? What the fuck kind of logic is that? Seriously.
And both are sold to me with equal amounts of zeal and fervor.
Which makes me want to use a purely California phrase- GAG ME WITH A FUCKING SPOON.
So I can know all this- and I can think esoterically about weight and size and self consciousness, and even Jesus. BUT. Can I put those thoughts into action in the next few weeks while I am in the devils mouth?
We’ll see. We shall see.
Ciao box.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
CONFESSIONS OF AN ADDICT
There are a few things that, admittedly I don’t like to live without. Cigarettes come to mind, (been smoking way longer than I care to think about). Chocolate, (I gave it up for lent… come on…). Alcohol (addiction is an ugly word), and finally The OC.
The OC is that terrible TV show that is running rampant thru the neilson ratings in the US. AND I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT. My brother, (god bless him) has been taping the shows for me ever since I left the states. And my mother (god bless her) has been sending them to me. The two of them should be sainted for keeping me in my junkie state.
It’s pretty pathetic, I know. Carter (brother) tapes them on to mini DV tapes and mom ships them over here, where I, hook my DV camera up to my computer and watch them in imovie. It doesn’t even fill the whole screen…. And yet, every couple of weeks when a new batch of tapes arrive, I sit down with a glass of wine, a pack of smokes, a bunch of chocolate, AND I INDULGE.
Oh man, it’s really the greatest fucking thing in the world. Sincerely. Now, initially, in my first month here I got real freaked out watching the commercials. The show didn’t bother me, to the contrary, the show was like my fix.. couldn’t get enough. But the ads haunted me… like they were from a world I just wanted to be away from. Advertisements, work, the debasement of the soul. You know, all things American. It freaked me out to see upcoming shows on Fox, that I would never watch, news clips of the Michael Jackson case… old movie trailers. (realize, I am getting these tapes several weeks after they have aired).
I got this weird spooky feeling of being at home, watching those tapes. Like for a few hours I was back at home, on my couch, eating Chinese take out with Damaris, and I wasn’t a foreigner. Like everything out my front door was normal, understood, familiar. But then, the shows would end, and I would think- holy shit, I’M STILL IN ITALY. Weird.
Maybe I’m getting used to it, maybe I don’t feel like such a foreigner anymore, maybe it’s because I am going home in 2 weeks. But I just watched three blissful hours of the OC, and that feeling is gone.
I’m no longer haunted by the “Big Ford Tough” commercials. I have found a new appreciation for them. As if now, after only 3 and a half months, I am detached enough… like maybe I am starting to appreciate the states again.
Or maybe I’m just not homesick anymore, and I can see it all for what it is and enjoy it.
But when the show starts and that fucking California song comes on… I swear my heart soars. I FUCKING LOVE IT.
And I know the show is fucking garbage. A lot like cigarettes, and booze, and lets face it chocolate. But I don’t give a rat’s ass. I fucking live for it.
God bless it. (that one was for you anonymous).
The OC is that terrible TV show that is running rampant thru the neilson ratings in the US. AND I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT. My brother, (god bless him) has been taping the shows for me ever since I left the states. And my mother (god bless her) has been sending them to me. The two of them should be sainted for keeping me in my junkie state.
It’s pretty pathetic, I know. Carter (brother) tapes them on to mini DV tapes and mom ships them over here, where I, hook my DV camera up to my computer and watch them in imovie. It doesn’t even fill the whole screen…. And yet, every couple of weeks when a new batch of tapes arrive, I sit down with a glass of wine, a pack of smokes, a bunch of chocolate, AND I INDULGE.
Oh man, it’s really the greatest fucking thing in the world. Sincerely. Now, initially, in my first month here I got real freaked out watching the commercials. The show didn’t bother me, to the contrary, the show was like my fix.. couldn’t get enough. But the ads haunted me… like they were from a world I just wanted to be away from. Advertisements, work, the debasement of the soul. You know, all things American. It freaked me out to see upcoming shows on Fox, that I would never watch, news clips of the Michael Jackson case… old movie trailers. (realize, I am getting these tapes several weeks after they have aired).
I got this weird spooky feeling of being at home, watching those tapes. Like for a few hours I was back at home, on my couch, eating Chinese take out with Damaris, and I wasn’t a foreigner. Like everything out my front door was normal, understood, familiar. But then, the shows would end, and I would think- holy shit, I’M STILL IN ITALY. Weird.
Maybe I’m getting used to it, maybe I don’t feel like such a foreigner anymore, maybe it’s because I am going home in 2 weeks. But I just watched three blissful hours of the OC, and that feeling is gone.
I’m no longer haunted by the “Big Ford Tough” commercials. I have found a new appreciation for them. As if now, after only 3 and a half months, I am detached enough… like maybe I am starting to appreciate the states again.
Or maybe I’m just not homesick anymore, and I can see it all for what it is and enjoy it.
But when the show starts and that fucking California song comes on… I swear my heart soars. I FUCKING LOVE IT.
And I know the show is fucking garbage. A lot like cigarettes, and booze, and lets face it chocolate. But I don’t give a rat’s ass. I fucking live for it.
God bless it. (that one was for you anonymous).
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
DECISION
It’s so hard to plan anything in my life… everything is so fucking up in the air… well it’s a bit god-dam exhausting.
But after a phone call with my mother and Nikki (in which my voice flew around the car like a creepy ghost and the two of them spoke pointedly into the steering wheel)… I made a decision. Which was cemented by spending money on a rental car so I guess it’s official.
I AM COMING TO LOS ANGELES FOR TWO WEEKS(ish). Hoo-ray. And, as if that’s not fun as hell- I will also be coming thru NYC for two days… so halijefuckingluja,… I get to see my fucking peeps.
The decision was made for a number of reasons- some long and convoluted- but briefly they are as a follows:
- I already have a flight going back on the 24th of May which I cannot change- so I might as well use it.
- My parents are about to sell their beautiful house in LA, and this may be the last time I get to see it
- There is allegedly “a fucking ton of work” (which you know will dry up the day I arrive)… and I am hoping to go and partake of that paprika.
- My need for sushi and a burrito has become unmanageable
- My parent have generously offered to help my with a return ticket to Rome (hoo-ray!!!!!)
- My tourist visa has expired, so I need to travel anyway- might as well go somewhere, where there is a potential to make $$$$$
- I just rented a car there for two weeks- so now I have to go
- And finally because I want to. And I do things I want to- because life is an occasion. And I believe in rising to it.
And so there it is. Chase will be in LA from May 24th to June 5/6th ish (depending on work) and then I will go to NYC for 2 days on my way home to Roma.
I am actually really excited- I will be going home with two empty suitcases so I can bring massive amounts of shit back- I want things like my airport and art and summer clothes, and some books and oh man…my 35mm camera…cheddar cheese…my jean jacket.. oh man lots of shit. That being said I also plan to bring ALL MY UNDERWEAR AND SOX- so they can be washed and made “only in America” brand dryer soft…. Ahhhhh.
Plus it is worth noting that in the time since I have left- basically everything that could have gone wrong in America has. And by that I mean this:
- I am being audited for the year 2003
- I got jury duty
- My unemployment is under review for fraud…
So- it’s kinda time to go home and deal with some of that shit in person… you know.
So it’s good. All will be OK here in Rome. Cats will be tended to thanks to a kind roommate, and an even kinder ex-boyfriend Alejandro.
And it’s only a few weeks- and my boss says I can still work for him in LA… so it seems like it’s gonna work.
Yea.
I most look forward to being in a bar- and looking around and realizing, not only do I know everyone in it- BUT I LOVE THEM. (be careful what you wish for Chase…you seem to be getting it these days).
Such a lucky girl I am. A lucky girl indeed.
But after a phone call with my mother and Nikki (in which my voice flew around the car like a creepy ghost and the two of them spoke pointedly into the steering wheel)… I made a decision. Which was cemented by spending money on a rental car so I guess it’s official.
I AM COMING TO LOS ANGELES FOR TWO WEEKS(ish). Hoo-ray. And, as if that’s not fun as hell- I will also be coming thru NYC for two days… so halijefuckingluja,… I get to see my fucking peeps.
The decision was made for a number of reasons- some long and convoluted- but briefly they are as a follows:
- I already have a flight going back on the 24th of May which I cannot change- so I might as well use it.
- My parents are about to sell their beautiful house in LA, and this may be the last time I get to see it
- There is allegedly “a fucking ton of work” (which you know will dry up the day I arrive)… and I am hoping to go and partake of that paprika.
- My need for sushi and a burrito has become unmanageable
- My parent have generously offered to help my with a return ticket to Rome (hoo-ray!!!!!)
- My tourist visa has expired, so I need to travel anyway- might as well go somewhere, where there is a potential to make $$$$$
- I just rented a car there for two weeks- so now I have to go
- And finally because I want to. And I do things I want to- because life is an occasion. And I believe in rising to it.
And so there it is. Chase will be in LA from May 24th to June 5/6th ish (depending on work) and then I will go to NYC for 2 days on my way home to Roma.
I am actually really excited- I will be going home with two empty suitcases so I can bring massive amounts of shit back- I want things like my airport and art and summer clothes, and some books and oh man…my 35mm camera…cheddar cheese…my jean jacket.. oh man lots of shit. That being said I also plan to bring ALL MY UNDERWEAR AND SOX- so they can be washed and made “only in America” brand dryer soft…. Ahhhhh.
Plus it is worth noting that in the time since I have left- basically everything that could have gone wrong in America has. And by that I mean this:
- I am being audited for the year 2003
- I got jury duty
- My unemployment is under review for fraud…
So- it’s kinda time to go home and deal with some of that shit in person… you know.
So it’s good. All will be OK here in Rome. Cats will be tended to thanks to a kind roommate, and an even kinder ex-boyfriend Alejandro.
And it’s only a few weeks- and my boss says I can still work for him in LA… so it seems like it’s gonna work.
Yea.
I most look forward to being in a bar- and looking around and realizing, not only do I know everyone in it- BUT I LOVE THEM. (be careful what you wish for Chase…you seem to be getting it these days).
Such a lucky girl I am. A lucky girl indeed.
Monday, May 02, 2005
IT'S IN THE AIR
Fucking hell man- spring is here! Full force- full on. Actually Europe is having a bit of a heat wave- and it’s fucking great! Although I can sense the underlying heat that is on it’s way… (Rome summers are kinda like NYC summers hot, sticky, horrible- you know, your basic nightmare…) it hasn’t yet arrived. Right now it is just delicious and lovely… I spent the whole of Sunday chilling in Ville Pamphille- the most exquisite park I have ever seen.
I guess I had gotten into a bit of a schedule… go here, eat there, visit friends… it had been a while since I had gotten on Luigi (the Vespa) and just gone out for a drive. Didn’t realize the park I was trying to find was on a hill- and on the way there I got the most unbelievable view of Rome… (and of course didn’t have my camera- bitch). Then once I got there- holy shit, fountains and lakes and tall grass- more like a field of wild flowers than a park with short cut grass- all over grown and wild, and water falls… it was breathtaking…. Rome is so good like that- give her a chance to show you something new, and boy does she deliver… it’s amazing.
So my new job is kinda great… we are still figuring out exactly what my roll is- but so far I have been reading scripts of unmade films and writing coverage (synopsis/ comments/ review) of them. It’s kinda of the greatest job ever. We’ll see if I can’t parlay it into something else- bigger better, but it’s pretty dope for now.
Also got another job that is super part time- only 2 weeks this summer- being a tour director for EF tours- so at some point in the beginning of June I will take 40 or so Canadian and US teenagers all over Italy- or something like that. (now these kids have teachers, chaperones ect- and we have local tour guides everywhere we go… I just kind of take them around… coordinate the thing- basically I get to travel Italy and get paid for it- doesn’t sound too bad right?) Technically could be anywhere in Europe/ the world- but I have a feeling for my first tour I will just get Italy… Could be amazing… we’ll see.
Been trying to arrange a trip home to work and make some cashish for a few weeks in may/ june… but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now. Quite simply it’s not worth it financially. After airfare, car rental, taxes and the fucking euro exchange- I’ve basically traveled a long way for not so much… so I don’t know. Thinking I’m gonna resign my lease till September- but without a jobby job where I am making real money I can’t tell if that’s stupid or not. My roommate is into it- so we might just go for it.
As of this morning I am officially in Italy illegally- the tourist visa expired today- which means I have officially been here 3 months. So I am going to go to London in the next few weeks- it’s not technically outside of the EU- but it is enough of a trip that I can talk my way out of any problems that might arise if I was stopped- never made a whole trip just to get a stamp on the passport. Think it’ll be fun… gonna get to see some friends that live in London- and of course go to the greatest museum of all time- the Tate Modern…. Plus- SUSHI!!!!!! Wow- that literally just occurred to me. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.
Have to say- Italians hate anything that is not Italian food- and I mean yea- Italian food is awesome- no doubt- but good lord man- mama wants a fucking burrito- or a kebab, or some pad thai and mother fuck- MY KINGDOM FOR A SPICY TUNA ROLL. There IS some sushi… but it’s really expensive and not so good. And although I love Italian… it’s just, after a while… come on. Yes…. I think London will be good. Yum.
Enjoying my friends here more and more. This weekend was fun- went out (in a far more moderate manner than last weekend…) and just, had a really good time.
Can’t remember if I wrote about this or not- but back in February I had a going away party in LA. And I remember looking around and thinking- I know every single person in this bar. And more than that I have history and I LOVE all these people so much. And I just felt so safe, and so at home… albeit ready to move on- still so at home.
Well this weekend, as I sat in Finnegan’s- my local haunt, I looked around and I realized- I knew almost everyone in the bar. And while I don’t love them as much- or in some cases even at all, and I certainly don’t have the history with them… I still kinda felt at home- this weird home away from home. Because in this place we are all ex-pats, we are all removed and estranged. And I feel like in a land where they really don’t accept foreigners all that much- we have banded together. As if finding no nucleus to which we could cling, we have become a nucleus ourselves.
And I feel included, and a part of it.
And it’s pretty fucking sweet.
So anyway- more later- as always- till the next time- I will remain
Chase.
I guess I had gotten into a bit of a schedule… go here, eat there, visit friends… it had been a while since I had gotten on Luigi (the Vespa) and just gone out for a drive. Didn’t realize the park I was trying to find was on a hill- and on the way there I got the most unbelievable view of Rome… (and of course didn’t have my camera- bitch). Then once I got there- holy shit, fountains and lakes and tall grass- more like a field of wild flowers than a park with short cut grass- all over grown and wild, and water falls… it was breathtaking…. Rome is so good like that- give her a chance to show you something new, and boy does she deliver… it’s amazing.
So my new job is kinda great… we are still figuring out exactly what my roll is- but so far I have been reading scripts of unmade films and writing coverage (synopsis/ comments/ review) of them. It’s kinda of the greatest job ever. We’ll see if I can’t parlay it into something else- bigger better, but it’s pretty dope for now.
Also got another job that is super part time- only 2 weeks this summer- being a tour director for EF tours- so at some point in the beginning of June I will take 40 or so Canadian and US teenagers all over Italy- or something like that. (now these kids have teachers, chaperones ect- and we have local tour guides everywhere we go… I just kind of take them around… coordinate the thing- basically I get to travel Italy and get paid for it- doesn’t sound too bad right?) Technically could be anywhere in Europe/ the world- but I have a feeling for my first tour I will just get Italy… Could be amazing… we’ll see.
Been trying to arrange a trip home to work and make some cashish for a few weeks in may/ june… but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now. Quite simply it’s not worth it financially. After airfare, car rental, taxes and the fucking euro exchange- I’ve basically traveled a long way for not so much… so I don’t know. Thinking I’m gonna resign my lease till September- but without a jobby job where I am making real money I can’t tell if that’s stupid or not. My roommate is into it- so we might just go for it.
As of this morning I am officially in Italy illegally- the tourist visa expired today- which means I have officially been here 3 months. So I am going to go to London in the next few weeks- it’s not technically outside of the EU- but it is enough of a trip that I can talk my way out of any problems that might arise if I was stopped- never made a whole trip just to get a stamp on the passport. Think it’ll be fun… gonna get to see some friends that live in London- and of course go to the greatest museum of all time- the Tate Modern…. Plus- SUSHI!!!!!! Wow- that literally just occurred to me. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.
Have to say- Italians hate anything that is not Italian food- and I mean yea- Italian food is awesome- no doubt- but good lord man- mama wants a fucking burrito- or a kebab, or some pad thai and mother fuck- MY KINGDOM FOR A SPICY TUNA ROLL. There IS some sushi… but it’s really expensive and not so good. And although I love Italian… it’s just, after a while… come on. Yes…. I think London will be good. Yum.
Enjoying my friends here more and more. This weekend was fun- went out (in a far more moderate manner than last weekend…) and just, had a really good time.
Can’t remember if I wrote about this or not- but back in February I had a going away party in LA. And I remember looking around and thinking- I know every single person in this bar. And more than that I have history and I LOVE all these people so much. And I just felt so safe, and so at home… albeit ready to move on- still so at home.
Well this weekend, as I sat in Finnegan’s- my local haunt, I looked around and I realized- I knew almost everyone in the bar. And while I don’t love them as much- or in some cases even at all, and I certainly don’t have the history with them… I still kinda felt at home- this weird home away from home. Because in this place we are all ex-pats, we are all removed and estranged. And I feel like in a land where they really don’t accept foreigners all that much- we have banded together. As if finding no nucleus to which we could cling, we have become a nucleus ourselves.
And I feel included, and a part of it.
And it’s pretty fucking sweet.
So anyway- more later- as always- till the next time- I will remain
Chase.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
SURVIVOR
Well, I survived my first day of work relatively unscathed. It’s not so bad- fuck man 4 hours a day- NO PROBLEM. I really like my boss- he’s super fucking cool, really smart, and I think he might actually like me. And by that I mean this- he sort buys the act- he gets it.
I mean here’s the thing- a friend of a friend calls a friend who calls this guy who say “you gotta meet her” Now, I don’t know this dude for shit, and he doesn’t know me- but I walk a few weeks ago, and do my best” I’m so fabulous you don’t even know what to do with yourself” and he buys it. Awesome.
Thing is- now I’ve talked my way into this job, and suddenly he and I are looking at each other, like, now what? It’s kinda great. So I am just learning the ropes, keeping my self busy with little shit- re-organizing them (or as I put it to him- bringing your office up to the 21st century man)… you know- fixing their pathetic excel programs that have address, phone list- this type of thing.
But at days end he brought me into his office- gave me some treatments to read, a book to read that we have been approached to finance, and a script to check out. I think he know I am wasting my time answering his phone- but it’s cool, cuz he sees that.
So I don’t know. I mean, I never fancied myself as a film distributor/ financer/ pencil pusher/ festival goer type. But maybe I could try it on for a while.
At least it’s a job, and at least its in film… and at least It doesn’t suck.
Beyond that- had a pretty tough weekend… got completely freaked out and super duper homesick- like- was ready to pack it in homesick. Haven’t felt that way before- and it was really jarring. Luckily for me- I have a few women in my life that make everything so much better with a phone call… you know who are- I couldn’t live without you.
So I invested in the healing properties of flowers, buying myself dinner, and giving myself time to think it all thru. Gave myself a morning to discover a new church with two GORGEOUS Caravaggio paintings in it… and you know…. Try to calm myself.
I just can’t believe how out of focus everything still is- I really thought would be getting clearer for me… but it’s not- it’s so wild. So again- chilling, biding time, staying the course.
We’ll see. We’ll see.
PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KP....
I mean here’s the thing- a friend of a friend calls a friend who calls this guy who say “you gotta meet her” Now, I don’t know this dude for shit, and he doesn’t know me- but I walk a few weeks ago, and do my best” I’m so fabulous you don’t even know what to do with yourself” and he buys it. Awesome.
Thing is- now I’ve talked my way into this job, and suddenly he and I are looking at each other, like, now what? It’s kinda great. So I am just learning the ropes, keeping my self busy with little shit- re-organizing them (or as I put it to him- bringing your office up to the 21st century man)… you know- fixing their pathetic excel programs that have address, phone list- this type of thing.
But at days end he brought me into his office- gave me some treatments to read, a book to read that we have been approached to finance, and a script to check out. I think he know I am wasting my time answering his phone- but it’s cool, cuz he sees that.
So I don’t know. I mean, I never fancied myself as a film distributor/ financer/ pencil pusher/ festival goer type. But maybe I could try it on for a while.
At least it’s a job, and at least its in film… and at least It doesn’t suck.
Beyond that- had a pretty tough weekend… got completely freaked out and super duper homesick- like- was ready to pack it in homesick. Haven’t felt that way before- and it was really jarring. Luckily for me- I have a few women in my life that make everything so much better with a phone call… you know who are- I couldn’t live without you.
So I invested in the healing properties of flowers, buying myself dinner, and giving myself time to think it all thru. Gave myself a morning to discover a new church with two GORGEOUS Caravaggio paintings in it… and you know…. Try to calm myself.
I just can’t believe how out of focus everything still is- I really thought would be getting clearer for me… but it’s not- it’s so wild. So again- chilling, biding time, staying the course.
We’ll see. We’ll see.
PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KP....
Sunday, April 24, 2005
FUCKING HELL MAN
Well- I got a job. Still can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not. I’m grateful that I FINALLY got a job- but good lord man I have loved not working and the thought of going to work on Tuesday kinda blows… it’s just in the afternoons- 4 to 8. And it IS in film. I am working as an assistant at Medusa (Italy’s largest film distribution company). So basically I am an asset because I am from LA and know film- and finally all of those years of reading the trades are finally going to be put to use.
The money is, ahemm. Not so good. Let me put it this way, I will make LESS in a month than what I used to in a day.
Tough stuff. Truly. But the upshot is- everyone in the office only really speaks Italian- so it is time for me to sack the fuck up in a serious way and start talking and dealing. Scary.
I was given the job as a favor… they don’t really need anyone- so I am going to reorganize the office for them to start. They actually still keep all their addresses in a paper book. It’s fucking archaic. So I am going to EXCEL my brains out and whip up a little program to ease their life- then I will flirt my way to a promotion and all will be well in the world.
Actually I’ll probably quit before I grow to care about the place. I have been thinking rather seriously about coming back to the states for a few weeks in May/ June to work in the film buis and MAKE SOME REAL MONEY. I am trying to imagine a life where I do one month in LA, three in Rome. Is that possible? It just might be. I don’t know. There are a lot of issues to be addressed. But as the financial situation tightens it’s grip- I am FORCED to make some decisions.
As a result of said job- I had to cancel my plans to spend the week in Tuscany. Fuck. It’s all right. Rome just won’t let me go yet. What can I say?
Had a totally wild weekend- went to bed at noon on Saturday morning. Gotta love those Irish boys- they love to party.
Had a bunch of fun getting involved into some religious banter on the last blog. If you haven’t seen the comments on the last entry- I recommend it. It is by far the most interesting thing that has occurred on this site in a long while. Maybe ever. Don’t know who my anonymous friend is- but I say bravo to them.
Beyond that- the rapsinger is our new pope- and I am looking forward to his CD release party- celebrating his new singe “OG Vaticano- the birth of a papal Gangsta”… it’s gonna be off the hook.
Hope your all well.
Xoxo
C
The money is, ahemm. Not so good. Let me put it this way, I will make LESS in a month than what I used to in a day.
Tough stuff. Truly. But the upshot is- everyone in the office only really speaks Italian- so it is time for me to sack the fuck up in a serious way and start talking and dealing. Scary.
I was given the job as a favor… they don’t really need anyone- so I am going to reorganize the office for them to start. They actually still keep all their addresses in a paper book. It’s fucking archaic. So I am going to EXCEL my brains out and whip up a little program to ease their life- then I will flirt my way to a promotion and all will be well in the world.
Actually I’ll probably quit before I grow to care about the place. I have been thinking rather seriously about coming back to the states for a few weeks in May/ June to work in the film buis and MAKE SOME REAL MONEY. I am trying to imagine a life where I do one month in LA, three in Rome. Is that possible? It just might be. I don’t know. There are a lot of issues to be addressed. But as the financial situation tightens it’s grip- I am FORCED to make some decisions.
As a result of said job- I had to cancel my plans to spend the week in Tuscany. Fuck. It’s all right. Rome just won’t let me go yet. What can I say?
Had a totally wild weekend- went to bed at noon on Saturday morning. Gotta love those Irish boys- they love to party.
Had a bunch of fun getting involved into some religious banter on the last blog. If you haven’t seen the comments on the last entry- I recommend it. It is by far the most interesting thing that has occurred on this site in a long while. Maybe ever. Don’t know who my anonymous friend is- but I say bravo to them.
Beyond that- the rapsinger is our new pope- and I am looking forward to his CD release party- celebrating his new singe “OG Vaticano- the birth of a papal Gangsta”… it’s gonna be off the hook.
Hope your all well.
Xoxo
C
Thursday, April 21, 2005
SCRAMBLED EGGS BENEDICT XVI
Well- the cardinals have really done it this time. They found themselves a safely insane conservative kraut to head the “New Roman Catholic Church” good luck fuckers- your gonna need it. Way to fuck it up boys… like I give a shit… everyone here is so concerned with choosing the right guy- a man who can keep the young people in the church, continue what JPII did… and I was right there with em… it’s important… than, at some point I was like- what the fuck am I talking about?… I hate the Catholic church- AIDS is a huge fucking problem- AND IT’S THEIR FAULT… homosexuals are still fucking in bushes- AND IT’S CUZ OF THEM- and chicks still can’t be a ordained (which is OUR fault actually- fuck man, I got ordained online in like- 5 minutes… you don’t need a bunch of old men in robes panting over 14 year old boys to be a reverend- take it from me.)
A Highlight- (or something like that) I was giving my usually “tour of the city” to Susan and Ian Eastman (wife and son of The Late Great Bob Eastman)… we did the Spanish steps, and the pantheon, and as we were just finishing our wine in the Piazza Navona- all the bells started ringing- I mean- every fucking bell in the city… it was 6:10- no time for normal bells- this only meant one thing- so we jumped up and started a running towards St. Peters- it was amazing- everyone- closing shops and just hauling ass over there. We lost Ian and his camera- he would be fine. And then- Susan, god bless tripped and broke her fucking foot.
I’m not joking. First day on her 10 day vacation- and she broke her goddamn foot.
She was a trooper- she walked all the way up to the square- we heard the announcement- saw little beneDICK come out and greet the crowd- then I took her home and got her drunk. Ahh, the healing properties of gin and tonic.
So- The two of them spend most of yesterday in the hospital getting x-rays and a cast put on…. So in true form for them- they are remembering, and learning- to truly, LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS. Fucking hell man- with all they have been thru the two of them are such champs, they are, as we speak with my friend Zoe on a WALKING tour of the coliseum, forum, and the historic center. She may go slow- but she’s still going.
Think I have decided to join them- in their rental car and go up north to Tuscany- to their 5 bedroom rented Villa for a few days. My roommate can watch the pussys, and I could use a little time out of the city- so fuck it, I think I’m gonna do it. Haven’t been out of Rome in ages- and I’ve never been to Pisa or Siena…. So Imma do it. Woo-hoo right?
And with one final note- there is hope for us bastard ex-pats after all- my roommate Penelope, got a job today- a proper job with UK SKY TV- it’s great- good money, travel, the whole nine… she’s gonna get to stay in Italy- and wants to stay in the apartment.
So there’s hope for a couple of over qualified bitches living in the eternal city…. there’s hope.
And fucking hell man there better be, because in the words of an old friend named Hunter- “we’re doing important work here man.”
A Highlight- (or something like that) I was giving my usually “tour of the city” to Susan and Ian Eastman (wife and son of The Late Great Bob Eastman)… we did the Spanish steps, and the pantheon, and as we were just finishing our wine in the Piazza Navona- all the bells started ringing- I mean- every fucking bell in the city… it was 6:10- no time for normal bells- this only meant one thing- so we jumped up and started a running towards St. Peters- it was amazing- everyone- closing shops and just hauling ass over there. We lost Ian and his camera- he would be fine. And then- Susan, god bless tripped and broke her fucking foot.
I’m not joking. First day on her 10 day vacation- and she broke her goddamn foot.
She was a trooper- she walked all the way up to the square- we heard the announcement- saw little beneDICK come out and greet the crowd- then I took her home and got her drunk. Ahh, the healing properties of gin and tonic.
So- The two of them spend most of yesterday in the hospital getting x-rays and a cast put on…. So in true form for them- they are remembering, and learning- to truly, LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS. Fucking hell man- with all they have been thru the two of them are such champs, they are, as we speak with my friend Zoe on a WALKING tour of the coliseum, forum, and the historic center. She may go slow- but she’s still going.
Think I have decided to join them- in their rental car and go up north to Tuscany- to their 5 bedroom rented Villa for a few days. My roommate can watch the pussys, and I could use a little time out of the city- so fuck it, I think I’m gonna do it. Haven’t been out of Rome in ages- and I’ve never been to Pisa or Siena…. So Imma do it. Woo-hoo right?
And with one final note- there is hope for us bastard ex-pats after all- my roommate Penelope, got a job today- a proper job with UK SKY TV- it’s great- good money, travel, the whole nine… she’s gonna get to stay in Italy- and wants to stay in the apartment.
So there’s hope for a couple of over qualified bitches living in the eternal city…. there’s hope.
And fucking hell man there better be, because in the words of an old friend named Hunter- “we’re doing important work here man.”
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
UNTITLED
So I have so much to say- and I have to be honest- I can’t be fucked to say any of it. So here are some of the basics.
BLACK SMOKE. Funniest shit I have ever seen in my whole life. When the smoke first started to come out of the chimney- it was white… and oh man people were crying and looking at each other in disbelief… oh happy day! There is a new pope! It only took one day! It’s a miracle! And mother fuck if the smoke didn’t turn black. I haven’t laughed that hard- shit, since the last pope died- it was fucking funny as hell…. It was like the greatest April fools joke of all time. 100,000 people all at the same time- noooooo…. God damn I almost snorted gelato out of my nose it was so funny.
FOOTBALL. Went to my first European football game. Roma vs. Regginna. Reggina sucks and they were supposed to loose- but fucking hell Rome did. They're crap if you ask me... but then, so is the sport. The aptly named Stadio Olimpico is the old Olympic stadium from the 60’s. It‘s a bit worse for the wear- but the game was pretty fun. Went with the roommate and a friend- NO BOOZE at the stadium… pretty low budge if you ask me… they do however sell espresso but the fucking gallon full… strange food fare at the Roman football game- no pizza as one might expect- hot dogs (or at least a pretty brutal version thereof) espresso, soda- (all made by Virgin- like the airline… fucking vertical integration…)…. But there are some espressos with Rum in it… you would have to drink about 50 to feel any effects and by then you’d have so much fucking caffeine in your system you’d probably be dead anyway. But the truth is- Italians don’t hold their liquor well- and they are so pumped up anyway- with all the rioting that happens on a regular basis at those game… probably better not to feed em liquor anyway. Highlights include a mascot who looked more like a drowned sewer rat, a couple of big smoke bomb motherfuckers- some flares, and a fuck load of riot police. I was hoping for a big fuck all riot… but they didn’t deliver… fucking Italians.
CARAVAGGIO. Have decidedly fallen in love withthe bastard- and I love his life story… what a criminal he used to be! He used prostitutes and drunks as models for the Virgin Mary and shit… totally awesome- His art is all over the city- and I have made it my mission in the next few weeks to see it all. Project!
UNEMPLOYED BLISS. Do I really need to explain that?
FREE AND EASY. Bit of a play on the last one- but ahh the joys of discovering what can be done on a budget. And really- truth is, I am at my happiest when I am on my Vespa, driving madly, ipod blaring in search of some obscure church on the edge of town. Turns out- I’m pretty easy to please.
FUCKIN COLD. Sick of this ass fuck cold weather- it keeps threatening to be warm- but it almost always turns out to be cold and shit fuck rain crap. Blahhhhhhhh.
OTHER THAN THAT. All systems go. Shit is good- I am poor- happy, just chilling. If I can’t get a job, and therefore can’t stay- gonna make the most of this- see as much as I can, spend my days seeing shit, nights reading about it- checking out the whole pope situ… you know. Do what I can while I can. And the rest- will work itself out- or it wont. I feel pretty lax about the whole thing though.
You know. Fuck it.
BLACK SMOKE. Funniest shit I have ever seen in my whole life. When the smoke first started to come out of the chimney- it was white… and oh man people were crying and looking at each other in disbelief… oh happy day! There is a new pope! It only took one day! It’s a miracle! And mother fuck if the smoke didn’t turn black. I haven’t laughed that hard- shit, since the last pope died- it was fucking funny as hell…. It was like the greatest April fools joke of all time. 100,000 people all at the same time- noooooo…. God damn I almost snorted gelato out of my nose it was so funny.
FOOTBALL. Went to my first European football game. Roma vs. Regginna. Reggina sucks and they were supposed to loose- but fucking hell Rome did. They're crap if you ask me... but then, so is the sport. The aptly named Stadio Olimpico is the old Olympic stadium from the 60’s. It‘s a bit worse for the wear- but the game was pretty fun. Went with the roommate and a friend- NO BOOZE at the stadium… pretty low budge if you ask me… they do however sell espresso but the fucking gallon full… strange food fare at the Roman football game- no pizza as one might expect- hot dogs (or at least a pretty brutal version thereof) espresso, soda- (all made by Virgin- like the airline… fucking vertical integration…)…. But there are some espressos with Rum in it… you would have to drink about 50 to feel any effects and by then you’d have so much fucking caffeine in your system you’d probably be dead anyway. But the truth is- Italians don’t hold their liquor well- and they are so pumped up anyway- with all the rioting that happens on a regular basis at those game… probably better not to feed em liquor anyway. Highlights include a mascot who looked more like a drowned sewer rat, a couple of big smoke bomb motherfuckers- some flares, and a fuck load of riot police. I was hoping for a big fuck all riot… but they didn’t deliver… fucking Italians.
CARAVAGGIO. Have decidedly fallen in love withthe bastard- and I love his life story… what a criminal he used to be! He used prostitutes and drunks as models for the Virgin Mary and shit… totally awesome- His art is all over the city- and I have made it my mission in the next few weeks to see it all. Project!
UNEMPLOYED BLISS. Do I really need to explain that?
FREE AND EASY. Bit of a play on the last one- but ahh the joys of discovering what can be done on a budget. And really- truth is, I am at my happiest when I am on my Vespa, driving madly, ipod blaring in search of some obscure church on the edge of town. Turns out- I’m pretty easy to please.
FUCKIN COLD. Sick of this ass fuck cold weather- it keeps threatening to be warm- but it almost always turns out to be cold and shit fuck rain crap. Blahhhhhhhh.
OTHER THAN THAT. All systems go. Shit is good- I am poor- happy, just chilling. If I can’t get a job, and therefore can’t stay- gonna make the most of this- see as much as I can, spend my days seeing shit, nights reading about it- checking out the whole pope situ… you know. Do what I can while I can. And the rest- will work itself out- or it wont. I feel pretty lax about the whole thing though.
You know. Fuck it.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
ONE GOOD THING
About being unemployed is I have plenty of time for creative ventures. I have been writing up a storm… which is so awesome. And I threw together another little video of the popes funeral. If your not sick of all the hype… (I’m sure you all didn’t get too much) check it out.
And that’s all I have to say.
And that’s all I have to say.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
AMERICAN EX-PAT IN ROME
I’ve been here for 2 and a half months… feels like a lifetime. Still fell really funny and unsure about the future. Want to stay… can’t believe I really live here. Without a decent job- feel like I still don’t. In a world where everything is up in the air- I have one decision made. I have rented my apartment out in the states thru the fall- till thanksgiving-ish I think. So there’s that.
Been missing the states a lot in the past week. It was rainy and shitty for a few days there, and all I wanted to do was crawl into a movie theater and watch movies all day. Just wanted to show up unannounced at my parents house and see what was in the fridge, wanted to meet Carter and Nikky for happy hour in Venice, get Chinese with Damaris and watch bad TV.
The only movie in playing in English here is called “the Jacket” but it looks a little scary for my taste. I hate that I am too much of a pussy to handle scary movies. Such a problem… a whole genre of movies I can’t enjoy. Not fair. So I sat at home and watched movie trailers on the internet… pathetic, I know, but it worked. I watched like 40 fucking trailers, I’m not kidding. I just needed SOMETHING. You know?
Found a pair of sox today that I haven’t worn yet here. I know this because they are soft. Soft like laundry from back home- laundry at moms house, washed, softened, dried with dryer sheets. I almost don’t want to put them on. They are so delicious. And they are the last of the soft stuff. You can’t believe how stiff towels can be… like drying off with sandpaper really. We adjust though… we change.
They don’t sell zip lock bags here. I have about 8. I reuse them. I clean them out- let them dry and save them. I used to blow thru those fuckers. Funny how little things change in a foreign place.
I still so much feel like a foreigner. I straneri. (The strangers.) That’s what we are: us ex-pats. Here in Rome, looking for work, looking to escape whatever reality we all have at home. There is a very strange energy one attains when living in a foreign land: broader, more interested, the black sheep of all of our families, and yet- there is always this quiet numb silent hum- that constantly runs thru all of us… we are not at home. We are strangers in a strange land. No matter how long you live here, how fluent your Italian is… we remain ALWAYS I straneri.
The Italian youth is exceptionally hard to crack. Men befriend you because they want to fuck you, and the women just can’t be bothered to deal with you at all. Even in the slickest of LA clubs, I was never THIS invisible… The Italian culture is so odd. They are all such fuckin mama’s boys, and the girls are all so jealous and weird. It is totally commonplace here for a single guy to live with his mother until he is well into his 30s. Till, basically he finds a wife and moves downstairs from his mother- and now the wife will wait on him. It’s pretty archaic shit.
I think I thought the rules didn’t apply to me. Like I would be able to break thru all the other molds, all the traditions. What a crock of shit, I feel a little foolish. EVERYONE says it’s hard to get work- why then do I still believe these rules don’t apply to me? What is this hopeless optimism/ stupidity / irreverency… this hubris….
My family, aka “Team America” have been sending me packages. Thanks to them, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the other day… holy creamy delightful heavenly bliss. (And I don’t even like PB and J that much)… it was just SO GOOD. Ummm. But Carter- the little lamb that he is, tapes TV for me and sends it to me to watch on my computer. Last week I got 5 episodes of Lost, 3 episodes of the OC, and deadwood.
It’s really fun. And it is, the only time that silent numb of unfamiliatry lifts- only for an hour at a time. I have a really hard time watching the commercials, they freak me out- hearing about upcoming shows on Fox, or ABC or some fucking shit… it’s weird. And while I watch I am totally on my couch at home, Tivo remote in hand… absorbed. And then it’s over and I think- whoa… I’m still in Rome. I had forgotten for a minute.
It’s the strangest. And I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not. When shoni came she brought a bunch of trashy mags- us, people…etc. and at first it was like- YES…. But after about 15 seconds- I just thought… who fucking cares, and I feel like my life is better without all this crap… there is a part of me that misses it, and another part of me that simply can’t be bothered- past it, over it, that is a part of my old life… But there is comfort in that garbage. And sometimes I miss it.
Cinnamon gum. That’s what I miss the most these days. Cinnamon gum. And mail. As always drier sheets- in fact just a drier. God dam cat hair… how I adore the lint tray… never knew my love for it till I didn’t have one.
Here life in Rome pushes on. I have gotten past the honeymoon stage, realized that on these travels- I brought myself… great.
Organizing a ladies night… have found some good bitches, and I’m gonna take em all out and have a good time. Seems like fun.
Looking for work under every rock. Just don’t want to settle- want so much out of life- I know there is an opportunity for me here… its why I came. Still looking for it- undeterred… but a little tired admittedly. But relentless. Like the eternal flame. If I want it bad enough it WILL emerge. IT WILL. I just have to keep repeating that….
Been missing the states a lot in the past week. It was rainy and shitty for a few days there, and all I wanted to do was crawl into a movie theater and watch movies all day. Just wanted to show up unannounced at my parents house and see what was in the fridge, wanted to meet Carter and Nikky for happy hour in Venice, get Chinese with Damaris and watch bad TV.
The only movie in playing in English here is called “the Jacket” but it looks a little scary for my taste. I hate that I am too much of a pussy to handle scary movies. Such a problem… a whole genre of movies I can’t enjoy. Not fair. So I sat at home and watched movie trailers on the internet… pathetic, I know, but it worked. I watched like 40 fucking trailers, I’m not kidding. I just needed SOMETHING. You know?
Found a pair of sox today that I haven’t worn yet here. I know this because they are soft. Soft like laundry from back home- laundry at moms house, washed, softened, dried with dryer sheets. I almost don’t want to put them on. They are so delicious. And they are the last of the soft stuff. You can’t believe how stiff towels can be… like drying off with sandpaper really. We adjust though… we change.
They don’t sell zip lock bags here. I have about 8. I reuse them. I clean them out- let them dry and save them. I used to blow thru those fuckers. Funny how little things change in a foreign place.
I still so much feel like a foreigner. I straneri. (The strangers.) That’s what we are: us ex-pats. Here in Rome, looking for work, looking to escape whatever reality we all have at home. There is a very strange energy one attains when living in a foreign land: broader, more interested, the black sheep of all of our families, and yet- there is always this quiet numb silent hum- that constantly runs thru all of us… we are not at home. We are strangers in a strange land. No matter how long you live here, how fluent your Italian is… we remain ALWAYS I straneri.
The Italian youth is exceptionally hard to crack. Men befriend you because they want to fuck you, and the women just can’t be bothered to deal with you at all. Even in the slickest of LA clubs, I was never THIS invisible… The Italian culture is so odd. They are all such fuckin mama’s boys, and the girls are all so jealous and weird. It is totally commonplace here for a single guy to live with his mother until he is well into his 30s. Till, basically he finds a wife and moves downstairs from his mother- and now the wife will wait on him. It’s pretty archaic shit.
I think I thought the rules didn’t apply to me. Like I would be able to break thru all the other molds, all the traditions. What a crock of shit, I feel a little foolish. EVERYONE says it’s hard to get work- why then do I still believe these rules don’t apply to me? What is this hopeless optimism/ stupidity / irreverency… this hubris….
My family, aka “Team America” have been sending me packages. Thanks to them, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the other day… holy creamy delightful heavenly bliss. (And I don’t even like PB and J that much)… it was just SO GOOD. Ummm. But Carter- the little lamb that he is, tapes TV for me and sends it to me to watch on my computer. Last week I got 5 episodes of Lost, 3 episodes of the OC, and deadwood.
It’s really fun. And it is, the only time that silent numb of unfamiliatry lifts- only for an hour at a time. I have a really hard time watching the commercials, they freak me out- hearing about upcoming shows on Fox, or ABC or some fucking shit… it’s weird. And while I watch I am totally on my couch at home, Tivo remote in hand… absorbed. And then it’s over and I think- whoa… I’m still in Rome. I had forgotten for a minute.
It’s the strangest. And I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not. When shoni came she brought a bunch of trashy mags- us, people…etc. and at first it was like- YES…. But after about 15 seconds- I just thought… who fucking cares, and I feel like my life is better without all this crap… there is a part of me that misses it, and another part of me that simply can’t be bothered- past it, over it, that is a part of my old life… But there is comfort in that garbage. And sometimes I miss it.
Cinnamon gum. That’s what I miss the most these days. Cinnamon gum. And mail. As always drier sheets- in fact just a drier. God dam cat hair… how I adore the lint tray… never knew my love for it till I didn’t have one.
Here life in Rome pushes on. I have gotten past the honeymoon stage, realized that on these travels- I brought myself… great.
Organizing a ladies night… have found some good bitches, and I’m gonna take em all out and have a good time. Seems like fun.
Looking for work under every rock. Just don’t want to settle- want so much out of life- I know there is an opportunity for me here… its why I came. Still looking for it- undeterred… but a little tired admittedly. But relentless. Like the eternal flame. If I want it bad enough it WILL emerge. IT WILL. I just have to keep repeating that….
Monday, April 11, 2005
Sunday, April 10, 2005
I'M WORKING ON IT
So I have a ton of Amazing pictures of the funeral to post and I promise I am working on it- but I need another day of so…. We went to the funeral- and we were one of the thousands standing in the square…
But we have also gone out and done a bit of celebrating. Ok a lot of celebrating. Yesterday was one of those days where I kept the sunglasses on inside. Shoni and I have had the MOST AMAZING TIME.
Turns out it’s been a long time since I laughed that hard.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I don’t really laugh here like I do at home- I guess it’s just a level of trust and comfort ability. Having Shoni here and being able to laugh and snort and freak-out and stomp my feet and fall over….
That kind of trust, love and friendship is a marvelous thing. I had it in such abundance in the states, and it is so sparse here.
Anyway- pictures are coming- Shoni leaves tomorrow (she got a new passport- just one hour at the American Embassy and viola…amazing)… and it’s been raining, so we have had a lot of huddled walks under my sagging shitty umbrella…
Fucking hilarious.
Pictures and more thoughts to come.
But we have also gone out and done a bit of celebrating. Ok a lot of celebrating. Yesterday was one of those days where I kept the sunglasses on inside. Shoni and I have had the MOST AMAZING TIME.
Turns out it’s been a long time since I laughed that hard.
And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I don’t really laugh here like I do at home- I guess it’s just a level of trust and comfort ability. Having Shoni here and being able to laugh and snort and freak-out and stomp my feet and fall over….
That kind of trust, love and friendship is a marvelous thing. I had it in such abundance in the states, and it is so sparse here.
Anyway- pictures are coming- Shoni leaves tomorrow (she got a new passport- just one hour at the American Embassy and viola…amazing)… and it’s been raining, so we have had a lot of huddled walks under my sagging shitty umbrella…
Fucking hilarious.
Pictures and more thoughts to come.
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