VIA VENETO

Tue. 8. 31. 04 7:48pm NYC: JFK international airport.

Everything that has happened today is so easy to read as an omen. As I said goodbye to Vicki at the subway the train came immediately…good omen. Got to the airport with not much traffic…good omen. Atm was out of cash in the terminal. Bad Omen. Forgot my computer at the fucking security check in… had to run back in a panic that the one REALLY important thing I brought with me this month was already lost. Terrible omen. The nice guard that I was flirting with – who distracted me in the first place was standing there with it. Smiling handsome omen. Song from favorite romantic comedy playing at bar while I got a pre flight drink…terrific omen. Waiting for my flight and board already. Not such a good omen.

Truth is I’ve had such a surreal day- I am so excited and nervous. I’ve already cried twice today. Once in church and once at a bar. Amazing. I was on my way to St Patrick’s cathedral in NYC to light a candle for my grandmother (a tradition since her death in 1997). And on my way there I got really of panicked and scared and frantic and I started to cry. And as I sat in a pew like some zealous crazed bible bumper crying for my lord. But that wasn’t it at all. It actually made me feel better- crying in that church I felt safe. And it was the first time in my life I associated a church- a cathedral with a feeling of safety and solace.

I suppose you could say for a girl that is on her way to Rome- the fucking cathedral capital of the world- for a month, alone. That could be read as a very good omen.

(for those of you wondering about the second time I cried I read a note my best friend wrote me about being brave and strong and…god damn her…It fucking made me cry…what can I say- I got a lot going on today….).

OH SHIT

It's 10 days until I leave for Rome and each day is like an eternity. I have been waiting for this trip my whole life it feels like- and as it draws near I am...numb.