Wednesday, April 27, 2005

SURVIVOR

Well, I survived my first day of work relatively unscathed. It’s not so bad- fuck man 4 hours a day- NO PROBLEM. I really like my boss- he’s super fucking cool, really smart, and I think he might actually like me. And by that I mean this- he sort buys the act- he gets it.

I mean here’s the thing- a friend of a friend calls a friend who calls this guy who say “you gotta meet her” Now, I don’t know this dude for shit, and he doesn’t know me- but I walk a few weeks ago, and do my best” I’m so fabulous you don’t even know what to do with yourself” and he buys it. Awesome.

Thing is- now I’ve talked my way into this job, and suddenly he and I are looking at each other, like, now what? It’s kinda great. So I am just learning the ropes, keeping my self busy with little shit- re-organizing them (or as I put it to him- bringing your office up to the 21st century man)… you know- fixing their pathetic excel programs that have address, phone list- this type of thing.

But at days end he brought me into his office- gave me some treatments to read, a book to read that we have been approached to finance, and a script to check out. I think he know I am wasting my time answering his phone- but it’s cool, cuz he sees that.

So I don’t know. I mean, I never fancied myself as a film distributor/ financer/ pencil pusher/ festival goer type. But maybe I could try it on for a while.

At least it’s a job, and at least its in film… and at least It doesn’t suck.


Beyond that- had a pretty tough weekend… got completely freaked out and super duper homesick- like- was ready to pack it in homesick. Haven’t felt that way before- and it was really jarring. Luckily for me- I have a few women in my life that make everything so much better with a phone call… you know who are- I couldn’t live without you.

So I invested in the healing properties of flowers, buying myself dinner, and giving myself time to think it all thru. Gave myself a morning to discover a new church with two GORGEOUS Caravaggio paintings in it… and you know…. Try to calm myself.

I just can’t believe how out of focus everything still is- I really thought would be getting clearer for me… but it’s not- it’s so wild. So again- chilling, biding time, staying the course.

We’ll see. We’ll see.

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KP....

Sunday, April 24, 2005

FUCKING HELL MAN

Well- I got a job. Still can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not. I’m grateful that I FINALLY got a job- but good lord man I have loved not working and the thought of going to work on Tuesday kinda blows… it’s just in the afternoons- 4 to 8. And it IS in film. I am working as an assistant at Medusa (Italy’s largest film distribution company). So basically I am an asset because I am from LA and know film- and finally all of those years of reading the trades are finally going to be put to use.

The money is, ahemm. Not so good. Let me put it this way, I will make LESS in a month than what I used to in a day.

Tough stuff. Truly. But the upshot is- everyone in the office only really speaks Italian- so it is time for me to sack the fuck up in a serious way and start talking and dealing. Scary.

I was given the job as a favor… they don’t really need anyone- so I am going to reorganize the office for them to start. They actually still keep all their addresses in a paper book. It’s fucking archaic. So I am going to EXCEL my brains out and whip up a little program to ease their life- then I will flirt my way to a promotion and all will be well in the world.

Actually I’ll probably quit before I grow to care about the place. I have been thinking rather seriously about coming back to the states for a few weeks in May/ June to work in the film buis and MAKE SOME REAL MONEY. I am trying to imagine a life where I do one month in LA, three in Rome. Is that possible? It just might be. I don’t know. There are a lot of issues to be addressed. But as the financial situation tightens it’s grip- I am FORCED to make some decisions.

As a result of said job- I had to cancel my plans to spend the week in Tuscany. Fuck. It’s all right. Rome just won’t let me go yet. What can I say?

Had a totally wild weekend- went to bed at noon on Saturday morning. Gotta love those Irish boys- they love to party.

Had a bunch of fun getting involved into some religious banter on the last blog. If you haven’t seen the comments on the last entry- I recommend it. It is by far the most interesting thing that has occurred on this site in a long while. Maybe ever. Don’t know who my anonymous friend is- but I say bravo to them.

Beyond that- the rapsinger is our new pope- and I am looking forward to his CD release party- celebrating his new singe “OG Vaticano- the birth of a papal Gangsta”… it’s gonna be off the hook.

Hope your all well.

Xoxo
C

Thursday, April 21, 2005

SCRAMBLED EGGS BENEDICT XVI

Well- the cardinals have really done it this time. They found themselves a safely insane conservative kraut to head the “New Roman Catholic Church” good luck fuckers- your gonna need it. Way to fuck it up boys… like I give a shit… everyone here is so concerned with choosing the right guy- a man who can keep the young people in the church, continue what JPII did… and I was right there with em… it’s important… than, at some point I was like- what the fuck am I talking about?… I hate the Catholic church- AIDS is a huge fucking problem- AND IT’S THEIR FAULT… homosexuals are still fucking in bushes- AND IT’S CUZ OF THEM- and chicks still can’t be a ordained (which is OUR fault actually- fuck man, I got ordained online in like- 5 minutes… you don’t need a bunch of old men in robes panting over 14 year old boys to be a reverend- take it from me.)

A Highlight- (or something like that) I was giving my usually “tour of the city” to Susan and Ian Eastman (wife and son of The Late Great Bob Eastman)… we did the Spanish steps, and the pantheon, and as we were just finishing our wine in the Piazza Navona- all the bells started ringing- I mean- every fucking bell in the city… it was 6:10- no time for normal bells- this only meant one thing- so we jumped up and started a running towards St. Peters- it was amazing- everyone- closing shops and just hauling ass over there. We lost Ian and his camera- he would be fine. And then- Susan, god bless tripped and broke her fucking foot.

I’m not joking. First day on her 10 day vacation- and she broke her goddamn foot.

She was a trooper- she walked all the way up to the square- we heard the announcement- saw little beneDICK come out and greet the crowd- then I took her home and got her drunk. Ahh, the healing properties of gin and tonic.

So- The two of them spend most of yesterday in the hospital getting x-rays and a cast put on…. So in true form for them- they are remembering, and learning- to truly, LET GO OF EXPECTATIONS. Fucking hell man- with all they have been thru the two of them are such champs, they are, as we speak with my friend Zoe on a WALKING tour of the coliseum, forum, and the historic center. She may go slow- but she’s still going.


Think I have decided to join them- in their rental car and go up north to Tuscany- to their 5 bedroom rented Villa for a few days. My roommate can watch the pussys, and I could use a little time out of the city- so fuck it, I think I’m gonna do it. Haven’t been out of Rome in ages- and I’ve never been to Pisa or Siena…. So Imma do it. Woo-hoo right?

And with one final note- there is hope for us bastard ex-pats after all- my roommate Penelope, got a job today- a proper job with UK SKY TV- it’s great- good money, travel, the whole nine… she’s gonna get to stay in Italy- and wants to stay in the apartment.

So there’s hope for a couple of over qualified bitches living in the eternal city…. there’s hope.

And fucking hell man there better be, because in the words of an old friend named Hunter- “we’re doing important work here man.”

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

UNTITLED

So I have so much to say- and I have to be honest- I can’t be fucked to say any of it. So here are some of the basics.

BLACK SMOKE. Funniest shit I have ever seen in my whole life. When the smoke first started to come out of the chimney- it was white… and oh man people were crying and looking at each other in disbelief… oh happy day! There is a new pope! It only took one day! It’s a miracle! And mother fuck if the smoke didn’t turn black. I haven’t laughed that hard- shit, since the last pope died- it was fucking funny as hell…. It was like the greatest April fools joke of all time. 100,000 people all at the same time- noooooo…. God damn I almost snorted gelato out of my nose it was so funny.

FOOTBALL. Went to my first European football game. Roma vs. Regginna. Reggina sucks and they were supposed to loose- but fucking hell Rome did. They're crap if you ask me... but then, so is the sport. The aptly named Stadio Olimpico is the old Olympic stadium from the 60’s. It‘s a bit worse for the wear- but the game was pretty fun. Went with the roommate and a friend- NO BOOZE at the stadium… pretty low budge if you ask me… they do however sell espresso but the fucking gallon full… strange food fare at the Roman football game- no pizza as one might expect- hot dogs (or at least a pretty brutal version thereof) espresso, soda- (all made by Virgin- like the airline… fucking vertical integration…)…. But there are some espressos with Rum in it… you would have to drink about 50 to feel any effects and by then you’d have so much fucking caffeine in your system you’d probably be dead anyway. But the truth is- Italians don’t hold their liquor well- and they are so pumped up anyway- with all the rioting that happens on a regular basis at those game… probably better not to feed em liquor anyway. Highlights include a mascot who looked more like a drowned sewer rat, a couple of big smoke bomb motherfuckers- some flares, and a fuck load of riot police. I was hoping for a big fuck all riot… but they didn’t deliver… fucking Italians.

CARAVAGGIO. Have decidedly fallen in love withthe bastard- and I love his life story… what a criminal he used to be! He used prostitutes and drunks as models for the Virgin Mary and shit… totally awesome- His art is all over the city- and I have made it my mission in the next few weeks to see it all. Project!

UNEMPLOYED BLISS. Do I really need to explain that?

FREE AND EASY. Bit of a play on the last one- but ahh the joys of discovering what can be done on a budget. And really- truth is, I am at my happiest when I am on my Vespa, driving madly, ipod blaring in search of some obscure church on the edge of town. Turns out- I’m pretty easy to please.

FUCKIN COLD. Sick of this ass fuck cold weather- it keeps threatening to be warm- but it almost always turns out to be cold and shit fuck rain crap. Blahhhhhhhh.

OTHER THAN THAT. All systems go. Shit is good- I am poor- happy, just chilling. If I can’t get a job, and therefore can’t stay- gonna make the most of this- see as much as I can, spend my days seeing shit, nights reading about it- checking out the whole pope situ… you know. Do what I can while I can. And the rest- will work itself out- or it wont. I feel pretty lax about the whole thing though.

You know. Fuck it.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

ONE GOOD THING

About being unemployed is I have plenty of time for creative ventures. I have been writing up a storm… which is so awesome. And I threw together another little video of the popes funeral. If your not sick of all the hype… (I’m sure you all didn’t get too much) check it out.

And that’s all I have to say.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

AMERICAN EX-PAT IN ROME

I’ve been here for 2 and a half months… feels like a lifetime. Still fell really funny and unsure about the future. Want to stay… can’t believe I really live here. Without a decent job- feel like I still don’t. In a world where everything is up in the air- I have one decision made. I have rented my apartment out in the states thru the fall- till thanksgiving-ish I think. So there’s that.

Been missing the states a lot in the past week. It was rainy and shitty for a few days there, and all I wanted to do was crawl into a movie theater and watch movies all day. Just wanted to show up unannounced at my parents house and see what was in the fridge, wanted to meet Carter and Nikky for happy hour in Venice, get Chinese with Damaris and watch bad TV.

The only movie in playing in English here is called “the Jacket” but it looks a little scary for my taste. I hate that I am too much of a pussy to handle scary movies. Such a problem… a whole genre of movies I can’t enjoy. Not fair. So I sat at home and watched movie trailers on the internet… pathetic, I know, but it worked. I watched like 40 fucking trailers, I’m not kidding. I just needed SOMETHING. You know?


Found a pair of sox today that I haven’t worn yet here. I know this because they are soft. Soft like laundry from back home- laundry at moms house, washed, softened, dried with dryer sheets. I almost don’t want to put them on. They are so delicious. And they are the last of the soft stuff. You can’t believe how stiff towels can be… like drying off with sandpaper really. We adjust though… we change.

They don’t sell zip lock bags here. I have about 8. I reuse them. I clean them out- let them dry and save them. I used to blow thru those fuckers. Funny how little things change in a foreign place.

I still so much feel like a foreigner. I straneri. (The strangers.) That’s what we are: us ex-pats. Here in Rome, looking for work, looking to escape whatever reality we all have at home. There is a very strange energy one attains when living in a foreign land: broader, more interested, the black sheep of all of our families, and yet- there is always this quiet numb silent hum- that constantly runs thru all of us… we are not at home. We are strangers in a strange land. No matter how long you live here, how fluent your Italian is… we remain ALWAYS I straneri.

The Italian youth is exceptionally hard to crack. Men befriend you because they want to fuck you, and the women just can’t be bothered to deal with you at all. Even in the slickest of LA clubs, I was never THIS invisible… The Italian culture is so odd. They are all such fuckin mama’s boys, and the girls are all so jealous and weird. It is totally commonplace here for a single guy to live with his mother until he is well into his 30s. Till, basically he finds a wife and moves downstairs from his mother- and now the wife will wait on him. It’s pretty archaic shit.

I think I thought the rules didn’t apply to me. Like I would be able to break thru all the other molds, all the traditions. What a crock of shit, I feel a little foolish. EVERYONE says it’s hard to get work- why then do I still believe these rules don’t apply to me? What is this hopeless optimism/ stupidity / irreverency… this hubris….

My family, aka “Team America” have been sending me packages. Thanks to them, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the other day… holy creamy delightful heavenly bliss. (And I don’t even like PB and J that much)… it was just SO GOOD. Ummm. But Carter- the little lamb that he is, tapes TV for me and sends it to me to watch on my computer. Last week I got 5 episodes of Lost, 3 episodes of the OC, and deadwood.

It’s really fun. And it is, the only time that silent numb of unfamiliatry lifts- only for an hour at a time. I have a really hard time watching the commercials, they freak me out- hearing about upcoming shows on Fox, or ABC or some fucking shit… it’s weird. And while I watch I am totally on my couch at home, Tivo remote in hand… absorbed. And then it’s over and I think- whoa… I’m still in Rome. I had forgotten for a minute.

It’s the strangest. And I can’t decide if it’s a good thing or not. When shoni came she brought a bunch of trashy mags- us, people…etc. and at first it was like- YES…. But after about 15 seconds- I just thought… who fucking cares, and I feel like my life is better without all this crap… there is a part of me that misses it, and another part of me that simply can’t be bothered- past it, over it, that is a part of my old life… But there is comfort in that garbage. And sometimes I miss it.

Cinnamon gum. That’s what I miss the most these days. Cinnamon gum. And mail. As always drier sheets- in fact just a drier. God dam cat hair… how I adore the lint tray… never knew my love for it till I didn’t have one.

Here life in Rome pushes on. I have gotten past the honeymoon stage, realized that on these travels- I brought myself… great.

Organizing a ladies night… have found some good bitches, and I’m gonna take em all out and have a good time. Seems like fun.

Looking for work under every rock. Just don’t want to settle- want so much out of life- I know there is an opportunity for me here… its why I came. Still looking for it- undeterred… but a little tired admittedly. But relentless. Like the eternal flame. If I want it bad enough it WILL emerge. IT WILL. I just have to keep repeating that….

Monday, April 11, 2005

PICTURES

As promised, here are pictures from the popes funeral, Friday April 9th, MMV.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I'M WORKING ON IT

So I have a ton of Amazing pictures of the funeral to post and I promise I am working on it- but I need another day of so…. We went to the funeral- and we were one of the thousands standing in the square…

But we have also gone out and done a bit of celebrating. Ok a lot of celebrating. Yesterday was one of those days where I kept the sunglasses on inside. Shoni and I have had the MOST AMAZING TIME.

Turns out it’s been a long time since I laughed that hard.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I don’t really laugh here like I do at home- I guess it’s just a level of trust and comfort ability. Having Shoni here and being able to laugh and snort and freak-out and stomp my feet and fall over….

That kind of trust, love and friendship is a marvelous thing. I had it in such abundance in the states, and it is so sparse here.

Anyway- pictures are coming- Shoni leaves tomorrow (she got a new passport- just one hour at the American Embassy and viola…amazing)… and it’s been raining, so we have had a lot of huddled walks under my sagging shitty umbrella…

Fucking hilarious.

Pictures and more thoughts to come.

Friday, April 08, 2005

JUST A QUICK CHECK IN

So holy fucking shit the pilgrims have arrived. Fucking hell man- the streets are lined with all kinds of fuckers- all dressed in the same outfits, carrying flags- wearing matching sox, hats, scarves… these people are out of their fucking minds.

There are so many people here- and absolutely no where to put them all- there are no more hotels, no more apartments, even the tents and temporary cots and shit are full… so people are sleeping on the streets, in sleeping bags, in the parks, propped up on benches… the Catholics have become the homeless… everyone loves Jesus and they are all here to prove it…

It’s overwhelming.

Tomorrow is the funeral and the whole city is going to be shut down to cars- they are going to be driving him thru the city in a glass coffin- we are planning to go down to gawk at the crowds and see what it’s all about.

My apologies I have no pictures to post… went down there with out my camera yesterday- amateur.

Shoni arrived today- so amazing to see her- it is her first time to Rome and I am having the most fun showing here around- waxing tour guide and showing off just how little Italian I speak.

Shoni, ever the adventurous one has already had her passport stolen- wasn’t in town 5 minutes when it was slipped right out of her back pocket- AWESOME. So our morning tomorrow will be spent at the Embassy seeing if the situation can’t be resolved- I spoke with the embassy today and they assured me not to worry- so we have decided to take their advise and have a night on the town… all things considered I think she is doing well- no passport, and no babies clinging to her side for the first time in 18 months… and she’s got a smile as big as the coliseum… what a fucking champ.

For me- tutti va bene. Will write more soon- and I promise to post more pics from the heart of the eternal city.

Till then, I remain eternally

Chase.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

TUESDAY AT THE VATICAN

Was a spectacle like I have never seen.

Rome is under siege. The amount of people that have descended upon the city in the last few days has now exceeded many of the previous invasions that Rome fought with force.

This time they are not coming to sack the city… or fight for power they are coming to get in line…

And lemme tell you the line is MASSIVE. It is almost a mile long now- my roommate yesterday waited NINE hours to see the pope. When I think of the line as it was on Monday- just 2 short hours, I can’t believe I got out… now there is no way I will see him. I cannot bear it- nor do I have the faith or patience to endure that kind of wait. I did spend a few hours down there yesterday taking still more pictures , shooting video, etc… the difference in the amount of people is TERRIFYING.

Just when I thought the square simply couldn’t hold anymore people- the amount triples. It is overwhelming- and not a place for the anxious. There are reporters and cameras everywhere- pilgrims, homeless, children, families with prams, young school groups, singing, praying waiting. The line wraps thru 9 city blocks- the streets themselves becoming stanchions. My Kingdome for a helicopter… what a view it would be.

The strange thing is- the rest of Rome is sort of quite, undisturbed… I suppose because everyone is at the fucking Vatican… but it’s amazing to Ride my vespa thru the quite streets and then descend upon this scene where there are literally A MILLION PEOPLE milling around, taking pictures, stopping, talking, crying, praying, wailing,…. It’s just amazing. I sat on a corner and watched a young boy so overwhelmed by the situation he just suddenly starting throwing up…

Noting is unusual here. People are trapped in their homes- on some streets- you simple CANT OPEN your front door- and then, even if you could there is no where to go the streets Are lined wall to wall with people.

It is amazing.

Photos are up- check them out. They are crazy… but they really don’t do the scene justice.

Besides my daily pilgrimages to document the madness, all is well for me. Making friends- seeing people more and more, recognizing people on the street- excited for Shoni to come… quit my job- fucking boss gave me a promotion instead… won’t last long- looking hard for other work- I can’t deal… but he wants me to stay… whatever.

Cats are fine- weather is AWESOME, spring is here and I love this city. Getting to know it well, going shopping and learning the ropes.

It’s an amazing time to live in Rome. And as usually I am humbled and grateful for all of it.

More pics to come. Stay tuned.

Monday, April 04, 2005

PHOTOS FROM THE FRONT LINE

St Peters is the center of the world right now.

I have never seen so many fucking people ever in my whole fucking life...

I took some pictures today- and plan to go down again tomorrow- earlier. I want to get closer than I did today….

I have posted some pictures… and there are more to come tomorrow….

But for now....

Ciao papa.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

IL PAPA

It’s 11:32 pm. The pope has been dead for just over two hours and I am standing in St Peters Square with about 15 thousand other people.

And I have never heard such silence.

I have spent most of my week here actually. I was here last night. Out of respect, and curiosity- But I spent the first few days of this week actually working here. Illegally selling tourists a tour of the Basilica. It seems like ages ago that a cop stopped me to see if I was working… “no, non capisco niente…” (no, I understand nothing) I said. Playing my dumbest American possible. It worked and he left me alone.

Now I feel sacrilegious for trying to make a sleazy buck off the place.

Tonight it is far from the hustle and bustle of the black market. Tonight is it silent, somber… people with candles, silently crying, a few openly weeping. None if the usual Italian old ladies weeping and crying… it is far too respectful for that.

I was at a party tonight- across town with a whole gaggle of Irish ex-pats… when all of the sudden everyone’s phone went off at once. We turned on the TV. The Pope was dead. I turned to my friend Sinead and said- “want to go down there?”

Within minutes we were in a cab on our way. I don’t know why I wanted to go so bad. For the sheer possibility that I COULD. But also out of respect, and reverence.

The church is so present in Rome- in the buildings and the statues, and the churches… fucking hell the churches. I could go to a different church everyday and it would still take me the better part of a year to see them all. I go into churches all the time. I love the smell- it’s always the same. It smells like stone and cool and rock and marble. Tall cool air, quite, stillness, age. It’s the smell of faith.

I was in St Peters Basilica a few days ago, working, and I saw a woman- all dolled up- Gucci glasses, French manicure, highlighted hair, the whole nine- she was in her late 40s… and there she was, not 5 feet inside the church door, on her knees, eyes closed, whole body involved… praying, pleading… having a word with god, or herself, or whomever. And I thought to myself- I have never felt like she feels right now. I’ve never known a faith like that. I can’t say I want to- at least not with this church… but I wonder sometimes, am I missing out?
She looked so vulnerable. And I wonder- is there anything that could possibly make me trust and believe that hard?

There is a mass being held tonight. Prayers, singing. The applause washed over us in waves. First from the speakers, and then right next to you. Such acoustics in the square. “Padre. Figlio. Spiritus Santi”


I am interviewed for Irish TV. I don’t know what to say. I am not religious, I am here out of respect- and out of Awe. It is quite a spectacle.

The next month will be strange in Rome. We are bracing ourselves for a flood of believers. His body will be on display for a few days. Then the funeral. (the Vatican has yet to announce whether he will be buried inside the Vatican or in Poland where he was from) Then the cardinals will file into the Sistine Chapel and vote in a new pope. They get locked in until a decision is made. If they vote, and there is no decision made the burn chemicals that produce black smoke. If they elect a new pope- they burn chemicals to make white smoke.

There will be people parked out here for days to see that smoke. I may very well be one of them.

I saw the pope last summer… sat pretty close in fact. Now all we see is his bedroom window.

I stay for an hour or so. Walking out is a maze. A parade of people coming, going… a parade of pilgrims.

I don’t have my Vespa so I walk home.

The bus stops are jammed with people- all the restaurants are still open at 1 am.

And the pizza joint just down the street from St Peters is hopping.