VERY DRUNK

At the airport. Its probably a federal offence, I am probably breaking the security act, or the patriot act, or the decency act, or whatever- but mama is SHITFACED at the airport. 7:37am. My flight leaves in 2 hours and I am HAMMERED. Sitting with my very sober dad at the fort Lauderdale airport, drunk as a skunk… 3 sheets to the wedding, hanging on my a shred, fucking wasted, blotto, still drunk from last night. Just. Drunk.

The last thing I remember was switching to tequila with my uncle,. HE HAD NEVER HAD PATRON. That needed to be remedied. I found my phone on the front lawn, or, I should say, my father found my phone on the front lawn by the rental car. I don’t remember a fucking thing. But in the words of my father I was a “total asshole”.

I’ve been drunk a million times, and I’ve made a jackass of myself at least that many times, but somehow being that sloppy in front of my 20 years sober father makes it all more vivid…

I think it was a fun wedding. I think. I actually remember very little. Dad says I was trying to light a cigarette in the car on the way home, and telling him to fuck off.. and god knows what else.

Dads been sober for almost 20 years, and he hates that I drink. Can you blame him? I’m a fucking sloppy drunk bastard (and especially so this morning)… all I want to do is get on the plane and pass out. Oh my god. Drunk.

Have to eat a bagel. Or two. Or twelve. And maybe a bloody mary. Or twelve. Ha.

God I smell good. MMMMMMMM.

I look good