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Jesus it’s been seven months since I last wrote??

That’s fucking absurd.

My god, a lot has happened.

Tate and I renovated our apartment- it’s so beautiful, we really took it to the next level. Here are some before and after pictures.

Dad moved to Colorado for the summer. I managed to eek out about 3 1/2 weeks there- it’s such a magical place- and summer really is the best time ever there. I went to Mountain fair, and went swimming in the rivers and I hiked up to six mountain lakes- 4 of which I swam naked in… that really is the only way to hike I discovered. Here are some pictures from Colorado.

Doing some pretty intense therapy- which is good for me. It has helped me a lot- to deal with all these fucking emotions,

Mom will have been dead a year, in 3 weeks. This time last year was such a traumatic time. Watching her die was so brutal, and it’s just kinda nut s to have it all behind me and try to move on, and make her proud, and to still do what I want, and be happy. We kept a calendar on the wall during those 6 months. From her sickness to her death. It was purely out of necessity- to keep track of all the doctor appointments, and the visitors and all the madness. Now it reads like a reminder of the most awful six months of my life. It’s in a closet in my dad’s apartment next door. I happened to go in there yesterday and found my self gazing at it. A year ago today she had 5 appointments. FIVE. It was like having a child with a million summer classes- and we had to take her to all of them.

It was so overwhelming.

A year later and I am having a bridal shower in my beautiful kitchen and backyard that my mother’s death help renovate. I am using her china, and my grandmothers silver- I am using her vases, and her glasses, even her champagne cooler… The furniture and the linens are mine. Ha.

I think about her all the time and I hope she is watching from somewhere- feeling proud, or at least not totally disappointed.

I think she is.

Have a busy fall. Work coming up, then a trip to Mexico for Mimi’s 30th Birthday . Hopefully I will work for most of October so Tate and I can take a deeply overdue trip to Rome. Still yet another trip to Indiana and again to Colorado for the holidays… All this and I am unemployed right now. Good grief!

Things feel good to me right now. Or perhaps more accurately things don’t feel awful. And considering the year I’ve had, shit man I’m just taking it wherever I can get it.