Sunday, January 30, 2005

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

I’m sitting in the airport- I’ve said goodbye to everyone I know. All my possessions INCLUDING my cats are packed into two cat crates, 3 suitcases and a box. And that’s it.

I’m moving. Via airplane out of the country.

Holy fucking shit.

This is intense.

My cats were crying so loud in the airport- now they are probably howling on the tarmac. Good lord. After much deliberation I decided NOT to sedate them. I, on the other hand just dosed up… Thank god for Vicki and her magic pills.

So here I am- all puffy and cry-faced- sitting listening to the worst smooth jazz airport nightmare music. All sorts of visions of my life in LA running thru my head- and crying. People walking by, looking at the girl in the corner quietly crying into her laptop.

Thank god I’ve got a sense of humor.

I guess is what people mean when they say I am brave for doing this. This is fucking intense.

So I go to Philadelphia tonight where my cousin will be greeting me and taking me home for a night to relax with the cats. She’s gone food shopping and rented movies- and she is going to take care of me for my last night in the states.

And that’s it. That’s all. I feel crazy- and excited and scared and like I want to throw up and sob and laugh and freak out all at once. I’m on the verge of a panic attack and then I remember the colloseum or the way the traffic snarls itself around the piazza Venetia… and I get a secret smile. And the fear goes away.

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