I am filled with an overwhelming feeling like all good things must end.
I hate this feeling.
I am one of those people who are both blessed and cursed with a hyper aware sense of perception. Which means, when I am in the thick of a moment I become aware of it… this has been a gift and a curse in many ways. Often it has given me pause in a hectic splendid time to reflect, smile and be grateful for my present surroundings… but all the while appreciating that they are indeed temporary… and this time, in my life, will, at some point, end.
Because noting truly great lasts.
Not living with Vicki, not collage, not Shoni, not Miles, not 1450 with Emily and Jocelyn, not poker with Hugo, Brendan and Emily, not the days of Big Al and the ‘back to one’ crew… nothing. It all fades, it all passes… everything grows up.
And so shall I.
…One day.
I am overwhelmed with that feeling today.
Finally I am comfortable here, and with that casual happy, comes the inevitable impending sense that this too shall pass.
Most days I smile, and am grateful that I have been so tuned in, to learn to appreciate such moments as they progress, but today I feel melancholy, and a little premature longing for what I have at present.
Which is a sure fire sign.
That things, are about to change.
3 comments:
i know exactly what you mean. im THERE. and again and again. and again. . .
chase - guess what???? i drove (at 12:30PM - ALONE) from the 101 to the 405 to the 10 . . . and made it back to santa monica, from the valley. . . after 3 beers. im so proud of myself. it is stupid. but this was one of my greatest fears. between that, getting the huevos rancheros (with no bathroom near by) and canceling plans cause i wanted to. im feeling like a real adult person, doing it for myself first. WEIRDEST feeling ever . . . wish you were there to cheer me on! i know you are.
what's this? Driving after drinking, canceling plans just cuz, huevos rancheros... sounds like LA might fit after all?!?!?!?
you know I'll be there as of dec 1st. yikes.
ok, what the fuck are all of these anonymous people even saying. they make me feel crazy.
chase. i think you are going through some pretty important stuff. life is changing fast, and the good thing is you are letting it happen. i think that most people dont let themself go there. it is scary to make big changes.
but the best thing of all is that i get to see you in 12 days.
i am so excited!
i cant waite!!!!!
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