THE FAIREST OF THE SEASONS

Now that Patrick is gone- it means I am the next one to go. I leave in exactly one month and I am so not looking forward to it. Blatantly.

Obviously it will be fine- but after 30 years of being sentimental and lets-face-it, a bit melodramatic… (why stop now?) I feel all this sadness about leaving…

I keep blaming my departure on the fact that I can’t afford it- and while that is the truth, it’s not about money… you can ALWAYS make money, it’s not that… it’s… you know I chose to leave, and I’m going to. Because it’s time. An I just really don’t want it to be.

I just feel sad. I liked living in Rome, and I liked being a vespa owner, and I liked being an ex-pat, and I liked saying- “I hate George Bush why do you think I don’t live there?” And as I watched TV last night (a friend has a satellite and he actually had CNN on in his house… it was wild)… but there I was, watching Condoleezza Rice talk in circles about Syria, and I just thought- fuck man, I can’t go back to that country- where you have to drive in the lines, and you can’t carry a beer down the street, and works starts at 4 AM instead of PM… and the PTA of America has so much control… I’m just not sure I can deal with it all again.

I guess I need to stop looking at everything like a life sentence, it’s only temporary, if I choose to make it that way… I can be on a plane right back here in a few months if I decide to…

I think I just know deep down I probably wont, and even if I do… it’s never the same as when you left. It wasn’t the same when I came back in February, as it was last summer- NO FUCKING WAY- not even close, and it won’t be when I come back next time… and so, I am, in a way mourning the closing of THIS PERIOD….

And you know it’s fine, it’s great. It’s all ok, and part of being a grown up… and I get it... It’s just sad…to look out my window on a rainy November day in Rome and think that this is all coming to an end.

Ahh Nico said it best didn’t she?

“Do I stay or do I go, and it is finally that I decide that I‘ll be leaving in the fairest of seasons”

Anyway. Megan, got some Halloween Pics up for you… I was road kill. Stupid. But totally fun. Did you know in Europe Halloween doesn’t equal costume? It has to be gory, in fact they make fun of Americans that say “I’m totally going as a cheerleader this year” if it ain’t dead or bloody it don’t count over here… funny huh?