IT’S A LOVE FEST

Here in Rome. Leaving in a week and 1/2. Turning 30 in two days… oh just let the celebrations begin. And they have.

We celebrated my last Friday night of my 20’s, and I suffered greatly on Saturday… but Suzie and Zoe disguised as a UPS package (as if) weaseled their way into my apartment and bloody mary in hand carried me out to celebrate me last SATURDAY night in my twenties.

Next week is already a blur and I it hasn’t even happened yet. SPQR baby. SPQR.

I’ve decided to get a third tattoo to commemorate my time here. I think I will do on the Tuesday. I like to bring in decades with a bit of irreverent behavior. The last night of my teens I shaved my head bald. (thank you very much for your help Max Wheeler)…

But thirty needs champagne and caviar no? Too bad I’m so broke it’s more like Prosecco and gnocchi, but do I sound like I’m complaining?

On a different note quite suddenly it became winter here. I mean holy fucking shit it is cold. Too cold to go outside to smoke a cigarette, you need a COUPLE of coats to just walk down the street. I’m sure last night was in the low 30’s. I don’t think I could take it all winter. I don’t know how people do it.

I tell you one thing, my ass is RUNNING back to the wintertime in LA. Gimme some bitches in bikinis on rollerblades on the beach. Woo-hoo heat and alliteration. That’s what I am looking for. I say god damn.

But so anyway- I am leaving so so soon, and it’s a love fest out here. Can’t believe I am leaving. I just, can’t believe it. I think actually maybe it hasn’t hit me? How is that possible? I feel really aware and present- it’s just, I can’t believe that I am not going to get to walk into fins and see 25 people I know at any giving moment. I think I get the big picture, but it is the little things that I don’t even know that I love that I will miss- I have that feeling very strongly.

Is it possible that there is something greater at work here? That, for all my introspection I have still somehow missed, the biggest part of this whole deal? Perhaps one day in a month or two I will be in Colorado with the boys or in LA at work or wherever the fuck, in whole foods and BAM, Whatever I feel I am missing, will hit me like a ton of bricks. And I will find myself in a whole in the sidewalk. Looking up at the sky- seeing in it a shade of blue for the first time? Or am I wrong about that.

Is the sky really just that color?

I also am feeling a little apprehensive about going to LA. It’s not so much that I won’t have fun, or love to see my people again, but I’m afraid that the silent sneaking depression that was so present in my life for the last few years of my tenure there, will return. I know I am in a different place and much stronger and smarter and whatever… I HAVE THIS. This thing inside me that I got from coming here. And I think it is probably strong enough to ward off whatever LA can throw at me. But I am still a little scared.

But I guess that means I’m paying attention. Wouldn’t be right if I turned 30, left Rome and moved in with my parents all in the same 2 weeks… I SHOULD BE SCARED. Which I guess is why I am excited to go.

Because I dig that what scares me. BRING IT THE FUCK ON. You know? Lets do this.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Stay the course Chase. Buy the ticket. Take the ride.

I say God damn. I’ll see those bikini clad bitches yet.