LUXURY

Man, talk about rags to riches.

My parents have a really nice house. Showers you can turn around in, hot water you can control, TV!! More than one TV, airports for internet, fancy soap in the tray, food in the fridge, garage door clickers… just so much stuff that I have gotten used to life without and it’s wild to be so immersed back into it.

I mean last night I took a bath in a room that is bigger than my bathroom AND kitchen combined….

It’s nice. I can see why I lived here for so long, TV with 500 channels, phone lines, fax machines, Jacuzzi tubs… I get it, I remember. It’s… it’s nice. It is.

It’s making me feel wired. Like I want it all again. But I don’t really…

I mean, yesterday I worked for the first time and I am fucking beat now… I forgot how HARD I worked for the last 10 years, I mean no wonder I moved to Italy to slow down. Don’t get me wrong, the craft service table was awesome, and the free lunch was great… but fuck man, MY BODY HURTS today. Film is really hard work.

But the other thing that happened is that I watched my two friends on a break, one sat down and paid $1500 in bills, and the other pulled out a super fancy new 35mm camera.

There is such a web of making money and spending it and needing and desiring and wanting and have to have new stuff, and car payments, and make a lot and spend a lot… AND FUCKING A. It’s just exhausting.

I guess I feel silly, I lived in this city for 10 years, and in this country for 29 years… I’ve only been gone 4 months… so why then, is this all SO weird? Truth is, I don’t know why, it just kinda is…

I don’t know.

What I do know is that I am going over to Carters house for the last 4 episodes of the OC today with Damaris and then Jamie is throwing a party in my honor tonight. It’s memorial day weekend, as true and American holiday as they come… so I am gonna try not to bug out too hard, hang with my friends and make some money.

Tutti Va bene as they say…

ONMAWAY

it’s 10:30 and I am going to bed- I have a brutal day of travel ahead of me. Have to get up at 4am. Rome to Frankfurt. Frankfurt to Chicago, then Chicago to LA. Get into LA at 7pm… that’s like, 4am Italy time… blarg. It’s a solid 24 hours of travel. Dio Mio. Fucking hell it’ gonna suck. But I have dollars and euros, so no matter what airport I’m in, I can always get a drink…

I’m beside myself, so excited to see everyone.

See you there.

C

FUCK

Man, fuck shit fuck shit fuck.


Argggg.

So irritated. 4 very annoying pieces of information have been brought to my attention: 1. Nikki is going out of town when am home. Unbelievable.. Fuck.
2. Turns out, there’s not going to be a whole lot of work while I am home. Major fuck. 3. I think my unemployment is not going to be renewable for a long time. Really fucking fuck. And 4. My favorite boss, is doing a commercial in southern Italy while I am in the states.

Fucking shit fucker bastard cunt blister shit fuck.


Fuck.

GOOD

So everything is really good. I am totally pumped to go home for a spell, can’t wait to see everyone and eat my foods and see my friends … can’t wait to take a bath, watch basketball, whatever … and all of all these little things. Do some work, make some money… Just, really excited.

Things in Rome are really better than ever. I like my friends so much here. I think I may be making a few worth bothering about. Maybe, we’ll see. Takes a long time to really trust someone doesn’t it? I’ve had all my friends for so many fucking years, I never think about trust… you know? How am I not going to trust these people that I have had by my side for my whole life??? But now, with new people… there is just, so much that is unfamiliar… and that is fine at first.. but a few months down the road… when you find the people you’ve been spending time with and enjoying… sometimes its hard to judge… how well can I trust you? It’s weird.

But there may, actually be some here. Had a good week. After I got out of my weird funk (that lasted for like 4 days…blah) I feel so good. Got a bonus as work for being awesome (smile) and that felt good. And I’ve been having a good time with my friends. Starting to be very included in the community… whatever, it’s nice.

I’m gonna miss Rome. Really gonna miss my cats. That sucks I have to leave them… but, it will be that much sweeter to come back…

Been really writing a lot, I feel like my fingers are glued to the fucking keyboard… like I can’t stop. It’s all crap, dribble really. But can’t stop so fuck it.

Star wars is out, and I can’t FUCKING BELIEVE I haven’t seen it yet, forse domane. (maybe tomorrow).

Anyway. Going to bed now. More soon.

EXCITED/ BOARD/RESTLESS

feel weird. The past week has been so strange. My roommate has been out of town, and I am really excited to go home, and work has really slowed down so I am not that busy…. I feel weird and kinda, well, board.

I don’t really feel like getting all involved or started on a new project because I leave for the states in less than a week. And so I am sleeping in, and not really going out, and just going to work… being a real homebody… and it’s fucking weird as hell. I never stay home this much. But I just don’t wanna go out the front door, I can’t be asked to. It’s strange. (wow, I really am going crazy)

And I am so fucking excited to go home. And it’s kinda freaking me out how much I am looking forward to it. It’s surprises me that I am so excited about it. I’m afraid I am gonna wanna stay or something.

Non-sense- impossible. But still. I’m all twitter-pated and excited about next week- but this week is like, stagnation city.

Stayed up till 4 in the morning watching old Dawson Creeks and last season OC. Seriously… what the fuck is happening to me?

I feel like I am in the calm before the storm. Feels so weird.

I feel like I just wanna get drunk until I go. And I just might. Just drink my way thru this week. If I had the stamina I just might… but that would be so 2001. ha.

Anyway. Have a few errand I have blown off for like 6 days and now I HAVE to do them. So despite the almost rainy weather, I’m going out there today.

Yikes.

LINKAGE

I thought I’d show you some of the shit I have found recently that I enjoyed, laughed at, cringed at.. what-have –you.

This made me laugh

This made me sad.

This man should win an MTV music video award

But not as much asThis guy

This site is UNBELIEVABLE

This is like the funniest thing I have ever seen

This little bitch deserves everything she gets

This man is your president

This is how everyone should clean their computer screen

This is brutal

This is a place to seriously waste some time

This girl is the shit

This woman makes me feel unworthy

This shit is hillarious if you like boston sports

This man is too fucking smart for his own good

This is the best cartoonist I have seen in a long time

There are more… but I think that’s enough for now. Right?

Appologies if you have seen some of them before... but fucking hell, some of them just never get old...

ps: I linked some of these puppies to the sidebar... cuz I'm so fucking snazzy with a computer... so don't get yr undies in a bunch if you get some repeats...

FAQ

So I have been getting some emails and phone calls recently asking me pretty obvious questions… like, What’s going on? Where are you? Are you OK? And what have you done with Chase, your blog is totally fucking nut ball these days and I feel like you’ve gone crazy. Which, I take as a complement... even if I am crazier than normal.

But alas- here is my FAQ section.

Yes, I am still in Italy. I live here.

Yes, I am staying here. I think.

Yea, I’m fucking dead broke.

No I am not dating the Argentinean/ Italian anymore.

Yes, I still see him, yes we are still friends, yes he still boring as shit, and yes, he will be watching my cats when I leave.

No, I don't know who the crazy anonymous/ catholic people were who made the blog a fun place to be a few weeks back. And ideas? Anyone? Ahh the power of anonimity...

No, I haven’t gotten a raise at work yet, but it has been alluded to the fact that I will.

No, I am not at Cannes Film Festival with my boss, I am instead here in the office, with surprising little to do. And so, I am getting super savvy at surfing the net.

This is not a question, just a fact- I am going to put a bunch of awesome links I have been discovering one of these days for all to peruse.

Yes, I have gone a little nuts. Lack of TV, Cash and close friends is kinda catching up with me. Cannonball!

No I am not dating anyone, but I have had some strange tongues pushing their way in my direction recently. Gross.

The cats are fine. Awesome actually.

And finally- I get to LA next Tuesday the 24th. The party is on Saturday the 28th. (email me for details). I don’t have my ticket back via NYC yet- so stop asking, I don’t know when I will be there. When I do I’ll let you know.

And that’s it.

Normal enough?

Manga Scatola.

C

THE AMERICAN WEIGH

I’ve been in Rome for almost 4 months now, and in all that time I have felt really good about myself. Physically, that is. I haven’t felt fat or heavy or “thick” or whatever. I feel good and it makes me look good. No one talks about diet or carbs or any of that horse shit and mashed potatoes here, and as a result we are all just happy the way we are, and everyone is a heluva lot more laid back about themselves. At least I am.

Why then, does it surprise me, that now that I am going back to Los Angeles, the vainest city on the planet, that I feel the pangs of self consciousness creep back in.

“Fuck man, have I gained weight? Do I look fat, shit, I wonder?… Shit I did, I am fat, fuck….I can’t go home like this, ok- I’m gonna diet for the next two weeks, and exercise…” and my brain goes on and on like this.

How does this happen? And seemingly overnight. One day I am prancing along the street, owning the situation, and the next minute I am checking and double checking the bathroom mirror- examining my faults and shortcomings like a fucking grand jury.

Fucking America.

I’ve decided that America’s obsession with diet and weight is akin to Right Wing Conservative’s obsession with Jesus. And by that, I mean this: Even if you don’t subscribe to their belief, you still somehow feel like maybe you should. Or, that, if you are fat, or say, a heathen- somehow they make you feel wrong for doing your own thing.

Not that I feel wrong- at all. It’s just all a part of that same self righteous, dogmatic bullshit.

If I disagree with the self mutilation someone has to endure to fit into a size 2- I am regarded with the same distasteful looks, as if I walked into Mass and yelled “Jesus is a cunt”

Because- they all look at you as if they know better. Because in America Thin equals healthy. And you should be thin, because it will be better for you in the long run. Which to me, makes about as much sense as embracing Jesus in my heart will be better for me in the long run.

Says who? What the fuck kind of logic is that? Seriously.

And both are sold to me with equal amounts of zeal and fervor.

Which makes me want to use a purely California phrase- GAG ME WITH A FUCKING SPOON.

So I can know all this- and I can think esoterically about weight and size and self consciousness, and even Jesus. BUT. Can I put those thoughts into action in the next few weeks while I am in the devils mouth?

We’ll see. We shall see.

Ciao box.

CONFESSIONS OF AN ADDICT

There are a few things that, admittedly I don’t like to live without. Cigarettes come to mind, (been smoking way longer than I care to think about). Chocolate, (I gave it up for lent… come on…). Alcohol (addiction is an ugly word), and finally The OC.

The OC is that terrible TV show that is running rampant thru the neilson ratings in the US. AND I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT. My brother, (god bless him) has been taping the shows for me ever since I left the states. And my mother (god bless her) has been sending them to me. The two of them should be sainted for keeping me in my junkie state.

It’s pretty pathetic, I know. Carter (brother) tapes them on to mini DV tapes and mom ships them over here, where I, hook my DV camera up to my computer and watch them in imovie. It doesn’t even fill the whole screen…. And yet, every couple of weeks when a new batch of tapes arrive, I sit down with a glass of wine, a pack of smokes, a bunch of chocolate, AND I INDULGE.

Oh man, it’s really the greatest fucking thing in the world. Sincerely. Now, initially, in my first month here I got real freaked out watching the commercials. The show didn’t bother me, to the contrary, the show was like my fix.. couldn’t get enough. But the ads haunted me… like they were from a world I just wanted to be away from. Advertisements, work, the debasement of the soul. You know, all things American. It freaked me out to see upcoming shows on Fox, that I would never watch, news clips of the Michael Jackson case… old movie trailers. (realize, I am getting these tapes several weeks after they have aired).

I got this weird spooky feeling of being at home, watching those tapes. Like for a few hours I was back at home, on my couch, eating Chinese take out with Damaris, and I wasn’t a foreigner. Like everything out my front door was normal, understood, familiar. But then, the shows would end, and I would think- holy shit, I’M STILL IN ITALY. Weird.

Maybe I’m getting used to it, maybe I don’t feel like such a foreigner anymore, maybe it’s because I am going home in 2 weeks. But I just watched three blissful hours of the OC, and that feeling is gone.

I’m no longer haunted by the “Big Ford Tough” commercials. I have found a new appreciation for them. As if now, after only 3 and a half months, I am detached enough… like maybe I am starting to appreciate the states again.

Or maybe I’m just not homesick anymore, and I can see it all for what it is and enjoy it.

But when the show starts and that fucking California song comes on… I swear my heart soars. I FUCKING LOVE IT.

And I know the show is fucking garbage. A lot like cigarettes, and booze, and lets face it chocolate. But I don’t give a rat’s ass. I fucking live for it.

God bless it. (that one was for you anonymous).

DECISION

It’s so hard to plan anything in my life… everything is so fucking up in the air… well it’s a bit god-dam exhausting.

But after a phone call with my mother and Nikki (in which my voice flew around the car like a creepy ghost and the two of them spoke pointedly into the steering wheel)… I made a decision. Which was cemented by spending money on a rental car so I guess it’s official.

I AM COMING TO LOS ANGELES FOR TWO WEEKS(ish). Hoo-ray. And, as if that’s not fun as hell- I will also be coming thru NYC for two days… so halijefuckingluja,… I get to see my fucking peeps.

The decision was made for a number of reasons- some long and convoluted- but briefly they are as a follows:

- I already have a flight going back on the 24th of May which I cannot change- so I might as well use it.

- My parents are about to sell their beautiful house in LA, and this may be the last time I get to see it

- There is allegedly “a fucking ton of work” (which you know will dry up the day I arrive)… and I am hoping to go and partake of that paprika.

- My need for sushi and a burrito has become unmanageable

- My parent have generously offered to help my with a return ticket to Rome (hoo-ray!!!!!)

- My tourist visa has expired, so I need to travel anyway- might as well go somewhere, where there is a potential to make $$$$$

- I just rented a car there for two weeks- so now I have to go

- And finally because I want to. And I do things I want to- because life is an occasion. And I believe in rising to it.


And so there it is. Chase will be in LA from May 24th to June 5/6th ish (depending on work) and then I will go to NYC for 2 days on my way home to Roma.

I am actually really excited- I will be going home with two empty suitcases so I can bring massive amounts of shit back- I want things like my airport and art and summer clothes, and some books and oh man…my 35mm camera…cheddar cheese…my jean jacket.. oh man lots of shit. That being said I also plan to bring ALL MY UNDERWEAR AND SOX- so they can be washed and made “only in America” brand dryer soft…. Ahhhhh.

Plus it is worth noting that in the time since I have left- basically everything that could have gone wrong in America has. And by that I mean this:

- I am being audited for the year 2003
- I got jury duty
- My unemployment is under review for fraud…

So- it’s kinda time to go home and deal with some of that shit in person… you know.

So it’s good. All will be OK here in Rome. Cats will be tended to thanks to a kind roommate, and an even kinder ex-boyfriend Alejandro.

And it’s only a few weeks- and my boss says I can still work for him in LA… so it seems like it’s gonna work.

Yea.

I most look forward to being in a bar- and looking around and realizing, not only do I know everyone in it- BUT I LOVE THEM. (be careful what you wish for Chase…you seem to be getting it these days).

Such a lucky girl I am. A lucky girl indeed.

IT'S IN THE AIR

Fucking hell man- spring is here! Full force- full on. Actually Europe is having a bit of a heat wave- and it’s fucking great! Although I can sense the underlying heat that is on it’s way… (Rome summers are kinda like NYC summers hot, sticky, horrible- you know, your basic nightmare…) it hasn’t yet arrived. Right now it is just delicious and lovely… I spent the whole of Sunday chilling in Ville Pamphille- the most exquisite park I have ever seen.

I guess I had gotten into a bit of a schedule… go here, eat there, visit friends… it had been a while since I had gotten on Luigi (the Vespa) and just gone out for a drive. Didn’t realize the park I was trying to find was on a hill- and on the way there I got the most unbelievable view of Rome… (and of course didn’t have my camera- bitch). Then once I got there- holy shit, fountains and lakes and tall grass- more like a field of wild flowers than a park with short cut grass- all over grown and wild, and water falls… it was breathtaking…. Rome is so good like that- give her a chance to show you something new, and boy does she deliver… it’s amazing.

So my new job is kinda great… we are still figuring out exactly what my roll is- but so far I have been reading scripts of unmade films and writing coverage (synopsis/ comments/ review) of them. It’s kinda of the greatest job ever. We’ll see if I can’t parlay it into something else- bigger better, but it’s pretty dope for now.

Also got another job that is super part time- only 2 weeks this summer- being a tour director for EF tours- so at some point in the beginning of June I will take 40 or so Canadian and US teenagers all over Italy- or something like that. (now these kids have teachers, chaperones ect- and we have local tour guides everywhere we go… I just kind of take them around… coordinate the thing- basically I get to travel Italy and get paid for it- doesn’t sound too bad right?) Technically could be anywhere in Europe/ the world- but I have a feeling for my first tour I will just get Italy… Could be amazing… we’ll see.

Been trying to arrange a trip home to work and make some cashish for a few weeks in may/ june… but I don’t think that’s gonna happen now. Quite simply it’s not worth it financially. After airfare, car rental, taxes and the fucking euro exchange- I’ve basically traveled a long way for not so much… so I don’t know. Thinking I’m gonna resign my lease till September- but without a jobby job where I am making real money I can’t tell if that’s stupid or not. My roommate is into it- so we might just go for it.

As of this morning I am officially in Italy illegally- the tourist visa expired today- which means I have officially been here 3 months. So I am going to go to London in the next few weeks- it’s not technically outside of the EU- but it is enough of a trip that I can talk my way out of any problems that might arise if I was stopped- never made a whole trip just to get a stamp on the passport. Think it’ll be fun… gonna get to see some friends that live in London- and of course go to the greatest museum of all time- the Tate Modern…. Plus- SUSHI!!!!!! Wow- that literally just occurred to me. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT.

Have to say- Italians hate anything that is not Italian food- and I mean yea- Italian food is awesome- no doubt- but good lord man- mama wants a fucking burrito- or a kebab, or some pad thai and mother fuck- MY KINGDOM FOR A SPICY TUNA ROLL. There IS some sushi… but it’s really expensive and not so good. And although I love Italian… it’s just, after a while… come on. Yes…. I think London will be good. Yum.

Enjoying my friends here more and more. This weekend was fun- went out (in a far more moderate manner than last weekend…) and just, had a really good time.

Can’t remember if I wrote about this or not- but back in February I had a going away party in LA. And I remember looking around and thinking- I know every single person in this bar. And more than that I have history and I LOVE all these people so much. And I just felt so safe, and so at home… albeit ready to move on- still so at home.

Well this weekend, as I sat in Finnegan’s- my local haunt, I looked around and I realized- I knew almost everyone in the bar. And while I don’t love them as much- or in some cases even at all, and I certainly don’t have the history with them… I still kinda felt at home- this weird home away from home. Because in this place we are all ex-pats, we are all removed and estranged. And I feel like in a land where they really don’t accept foreigners all that much- we have banded together. As if finding no nucleus to which we could cling, we have become a nucleus ourselves.

And I feel included, and a part of it.

And it’s pretty fucking sweet.


So anyway- more later- as always- till the next time- I will remain

Chase.