I remember this life.
I remember getting up at 6 am for work, and having dinner with Mimi and Santiago, and dinner at my parent’s house, and sitting at my computer fucking around at work. I remember paying bills and balancing my checkbook. It wasn't THAT long ago that I cleaned the fucking shit out of my apartment (with my cleaning lady's help of course)- and went to Whole Foods and stocked up.... I remember what a burrito tastes like.
It seems so simple and easy to put the top down and drive around in this gorgeous weather and go thru the motions of my life here. I've been doing it for 8 years- of course I can. I remember why I've stayed here for so long- that house, my friends this weather... good god- it's easy here. And nice.
But sort of numbing too. It's strange to be back- here in my vacuous numb existence that is my life in LA. It's safe and warm and totally familiar. And I am instantaneously back.
Except this time- I have a trick up my sleeve and a love in my heart. And that makes me different. And strong. And defiantly NOT numb.
My time here is temporary- and that makes everything great. I have a lot to do, and I am working- and my mother and father are making it so easy for me to make this move- Letting me do whatever I need with my apartment-and totally being supportive. I didn’t realize how important that was to me- it’s making the transition easy...
And you know all signs point to this decision being right and good and healthy and ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN.
And Alejandro has decided to come out for my birthday and thanksgiving. Which is totally awesome- because it relieves some of the pressure to GET OUT OF HERE... now I feel like I can take my time and do it right- and well- I get to see ali.
So I am at work (working hard as you can see)... and I don't know. I had Italian for lunch.
3p today. I was at my desk working, kinda different than the past 7 weeks- but what are you gonna do- things change.