Saturday, October 09, 2004

UP AND DOWN

At first I was so happy to be back- telling stories, sharing pictures... talking about Alejandro.

But then I had my first Friday night/ sat morning alone. And all the sad, depressed loneliness that has been so prevalent in my life in the past few years in America came back to me in a flash.

You see, when you want your life to change, you want it to change RIGHT AWAY. And I am in NYC for a few more days and I really can’t do anything here to get my life packed up and move onto Rome until I get back to LA. So last night and this morning I felt this overwhelming feeling of limbo, and boredom and missing Rome and Alejandro so much I thought I might break. Tears and anger. Why am I here? What was the point of coming to NYC, I just want to go home, sell my car, pack my house and get the fuck out of here. God I'm so sick of the states.

So I got up and thought “I have to get out of the house”. I took a shower, got dressed, put make up on and blow dried my hair- I was ready for a day in NYC. But then I had no one to meet, and didn't feel like going out to that dirty stinky city. So instead I sat down and cried my make up off.

What a girl.

Right in the middle of it Alejandro called. It's like he must have known. It made me feel so much better to know that he is sitting in Italy feeling the same way waiting for me to get back to him.

But what the real savior if the day was, was going to lunch with Megan. She's so rad and she just listened to me vent, and vented right back. At after a few hours I feel so much better. I feel restored, ready to take it all on again.

Sometimes, no matter how tough it gets, all you need is love to call in and an old friend to listen to.

I'm a lucky girl. Even if I it forget sometimes.

1 comment:

megan said...

was happy to be there for you.
i needed you too. funny how it works that way. ;)