Monday, October 11, 2004


And so, after almost 7 weeks I travel back to Los Angeles this morning. I have been to 2 continents, 4 countries… and used exactly 56 different toilets.

I have packed and repacked the same 2 suitcases so many times over the past seven weeks- finding different arrangements for the same things.. each time I took such care thinking- what do I need on the next leg- how do I pack most effeciantly.. how can I do this so when I get there I don’t even have to open this bag… all this thought as to how to make it easier.

But this morning-

Fuck it. I just rammed shit everywhere- it was so satisfying. I didn’t fold, I didn’t plan- I just crammed it in- dirty socks and clean underware in the same section- (the horror!!) My carry on is the most mish moshed group of unessasry shit. But who fucking cares… soon I’ll be at home and I can turn the suitcases upside down on my living room floor and spill it all out if I want to.

Terrificly I am going to be in MY OWN SPACE tonight. And it always feels good to go home. Especially this home. I love my apartment so much. It’s really the greatest place I’ve ever lived…it’s the reason I haven’t moved for the past few years- this house- this home where my cats are so comftorable- and so am I….. I can’t believe I am giving it up. It makes me a little sad- the thought of leaving a house that I have put so much work into. It’s perfect really- I never need to leave this apartment.

Except that I do. Because it’s in the wrong city. And sometimes you have to go after something different than the comforts of home.

So today I don’t think about leaving- only returning. Because from time to time, all of us need to go home.

No comments: