THE THING IS…

I can’t think of anything substantial to write.. only opening liners..you know they way we start blogs… and so…

THE FLOWERS By my bedside table are finally wilting

I WANTED To go to that party tonight…but I eni-meni-mighted it so may times and every time it came up no…so I didn’t go

FINALLY I went and say good theater in LA tonight… twice

I LOVE IT WHEN My frys at McDonalds are salted well

HELLO My little soon to be Italian cats… do you know that I’m going to put you on a plane to be taken so far away? DO you have any idea?

I’M ACTUALLY Remembering why I love this city… pity really

CREATIVITY Is totally the best feeling in the world…

ITS BEEN A LONG TIME Since I really FELT like an artist.. I did this week… its nice.

ID LOVE TO SHOW YOU My Christmas presents that I made, but on the off chance my family might check this, I can’t . Let me just say I am proud of the work I’ve done over the past few days.

WHAT THE HELL Are my friends going to do without me when I’m gone? More to the point, what am I going to do without them?

I LOVE Christmas- everyone is too busy to call- so I don’t have to feel guilty about not calling them back.

SHOWERING Is overrated.

AMAZING I had forgotten what it was like to be inspired by music… especially when it’s by your friends.

BY THE WAY for those of you keeping track, I am borrowing a car right now

AND FINALLY I think I will miss my weekly episodes of the oc the most.

HOLY SHIT

well its official, like really really official.

My car now belongs to someone else. It's paid for, I've cancled my insurance and today a nice vegan named Jason drove it away.

Thank you sweet car for being so good to me.

I will miss you.

Sweet land of Vespas.... here I come.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE

since I've blogged. I've been kinda nuts. Something about America that keeps me so fucking busy.

I sold my car, I sublet my apartment (furnished) starting Jan 1st for 5 months. I got rid of 90% of my clothes, I've been selling cds, I sold my art dept kit... I turned 29, and organized a fundraiser at the Santa Monica Museum of Art. And Alejandro came to the states to which I've been playing serious hostess. All in all it’s been a big few weeks.

Having Alejandro here has been really fun, hard but fun. We have fought a few times... (this is where the Sound of Music song "getting to know you" comes in....) I am so out of practice of being a girlfriend its ridiculous... but we are stumbling our way through.

It has been SO much fun to rediscover Los Angeles. I made a list of the things I haven't done while I've lived here for the past 8 years and I have been starting to do them all. What fun. I went to the opera, and I snuck him onto the Universal lot, and gave him the Chase Carter tour, and we took a double Decker bus ride thru Hollywood (so much fun) and god knows how long it had been since I stood in front of the Chinese Mann and put my hands in the cement... we drove up the coast, we are going to LACMA today, and to a clipper game tomorrow.

It's been kinda jam packed but a lot of fun. And I am remembering how much fun I've had living in this town for the last 8 years.


I have been so looking forward to leaving and moving on I haven't even really stopped to think about all the shit I am leaving behind. Which is mostly just friends. But damn- it's hard to believe this chapter of my life is closing. I have the most amazing friends, and they are such a good support system, and such wonderful, kind, fun, like-minded people.

My brother and nikky threw me a birthday party last Sunday after noon. Very easy- just about 15- 20 people, pizza beer, that’s it. No big deal.

And do you know what those mother fuckers did for me? They all pitched in and raised over $1000 for me to buy a vespa when I get to Italy. Can you fucking believe that? Do you have any idea what it is like to look at $1000 in 20's, 10's, 5's and ones?

It was awesome. Anyway, they also wrote these notes to me about riding off into the sunset, and going to miss me and all of that kind of stuff, an it made me cry. For the first time since I decided to go, I realized that I am going to leave my people. My family, my peeps. I live and die by these people. How am I going to survive without them? I mean Jesus! The thought is almost unbearable.

There are so many of us in LA- anytime I ant to have just my closest friends it’s still like 20 people. Because that’s how big it is out here. and we've all known each other all out lives... and I am leaving that.

Because I have to , it really isn’t a choice. it's just sad. and hard, and scary.

But totally totally right.

ELEVEN THINGS I AM EMBARRESED ABOUT

I weighed myself for the first time in a long time today. I’ve officially hit 170. Brutal.

I just ate chocolate.

I’m addicted to 6 different TV shows. Ugly.

I am scared to move to Italy.

I am at this point right now where I know what needs to be done. And yet I am terrified. 3 months ago I would have been my usual paralyzed self. But right now I know there is action to be taken... and I am still scared. It’s so hard. It’s so big. In theory it’s so easy. Sell the car, rent the apt, sell my shit, pack the rest…. But yikes, I mean seriously. What am I doing? Am I serious? I know I don’t belong here any longer, but do I really belong there? A month ago I was positive I did- but now… what if I don’t? The thought is paralyzing… I am freaking out- and I don’t know who to tell, or even how to deal with it myself. When I came home everyone was so supportive as to me leaving- taking a risk – going for it. But I’m scared. It’s hard. It’s so much harder to do than to say.

Alejandro is coming here in19 days- and I am tripping. How will he like it? Will he be comfortable? Will I totally have to chaperone him? All these thoughts? How do I deal with them- where do I put them?

I met Alejandro when I was in fantasy land- and now I am in reality- and the thought of introducing him into my reality is really… Scary. More than that it’s terrifying. It’s almost paralyzing. I am trying to DO every Day. DO SOMETHING that furthers me along the path of leaving. I can’t tell you how intense the viewfinder of leaving has on this place. I am able to see this land- this LA- LA land so much clearer from the “I am almost out of here” view…. Its nuts.

I hate LA. I feel like I have lost. Like when I came here I thought I would win… but now somehow I think it’s defeated me. I am humbled so much by that thought. It almost keeps me up at night.

I can’t wait to leave my family. I want to be away from them. I am scared I will never want to come home. I am more afraid I might learn to miss them. What if I do decide to come home? I’ve never stuck my tail between my legs before… I’ve also never stuck my neck out this far.

I am nervous about Alejandro coming here. I want to do things my way- declare my own life. But I also want to accommodate home. I feel torn. I feel scared.

Number eleven:

I thought going to Italy would help me have it all figured out. And for a while I did. But now, being back I am starting to question everything. And that makes me feel very, very strange. I guess I just need to go again. Because it is only away from all of this that I can feel right. Cuz I definite y don’t feel right here in LA.

OVERLOAD

I think what I will miss most about living in America is the fun of multi tasking at once. And by that I mean this.

It’s Sunday night and I am sitting at home alone watching TV, reading Vanity Fair, downloading music, smoking cigarettes and writing emails ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I’m not sure Italy goes this fast. I don’t think it’s prepared for this kind of speed.

That’s ok though. Sometimes it’s cool to slow down.

SEXPERT

I’m not really the kind of person that works for free. I don’t volunteer or offer my time. I’m more of a “can I write you a check?” kinda gal. I like to donate- just not usually my time.

SO when I volunteered to work the merchandise table at a Martin Sexton (martinsexton.com) concert the other night I was pretty surprised with myself.

And even more surprising was that I had a fucking blast.

For one thing- I’m a huge Marty fan- I’ve seen about 10 of his shows and it’s always a pretty amazing experience. Marty is a singer songwriter type who has the MOST AMAZING voice- and a range that boarders on insane. Every time I have ever been to one of his shows I have always been nestled deep in the crowd quietly singing along and letting him rock my world.

Not this time. This time I was that girl behind the table during the entire show with a view of the stage a beer in my hand talking to people, selling shirts, cds, stickers and answering questions. I was sort of shocked how much I knew about his career and all his music… I had no idea I was such a Martin Sexton head.

But as the night wore on and people asked more and more specific questions about the tour, about what album is that song on- which bootleg is the best… I totally had all the answers, and when I didn’t I just sort of made it up- and because I was behind the merch table- and people believed me… It was hilarious.

Anyway at some point his manager came up and said- get out in the crowd- take a break. So I walked out during halleluiah and it was so bizarre… because once I was in the crowd I thought to myself “oh yea, I’ve done this before- I love this show…” it was really odd to be there- but having such a different experience.

It was as if, I was at his show, but not. But some how more. It was a great night.

Any way, I don't know that I will start voluteering for the fire department senior dance anytime soon. But it was pretty cool to do something nice for marty.

CATCHING UP

I didn’t really watch TV when I was in Europe. I mean, maybe from time to time in I saw some terrible variety show in Italian, or some shit in a hotel room or in a bar.

But today, in my hung over state I watched TV and movies, and ate Mexican and sat on my couch ALL DAY.

It was delicious. Today is my only day off this week- and I was hung over from Mimi’s Birthday party last night- and I just kinda needed to veg out.

Oh and I did. It was spectacular. I caught up on weeks and weeks of tivo. Saw season finales, season premieres… old sex in the city. I basically fit a month of TV into one day.

But now it’s 11:30pm and I’m going to bed. Because I have to go to work tomorrow. And I am suddenly back at work in the middle of a huge hard job- making money so I can leave.

Oh yes- and pretty big news- it’s official Alejandro is coming to the LA for his first ever American visit. He will be here for 10 days in November, for my birthday and thanksgiving.

It’s pretty fucking sweet.

It’s kinda like watching TV all day.

Only better.

OH YEA

I remember this life.

I remember getting up at 6 am for work, and having dinner with Mimi and Santiago, and dinner at my parent’s house, and sitting at my computer fucking around at work. I remember paying bills and balancing my checkbook. It wasn't THAT long ago that I cleaned the fucking shit out of my apartment (with my cleaning lady's help of course)- and went to Whole Foods and stocked up.... I remember what a burrito tastes like.

It seems so simple and easy to put the top down and drive around in this gorgeous weather and go thru the motions of my life here. I've been doing it for 8 years- of course I can. I remember why I've stayed here for so long- that house, my friends this weather... good god- it's easy here. And nice.

But sort of numbing too. It's strange to be back- here in my vacuous numb existence that is my life in LA. It's safe and warm and totally familiar. And I am instantaneously back.

Except this time- I have a trick up my sleeve and a love in my heart. And that makes me different. And strong. And defiantly NOT numb.

My time here is temporary- and that makes everything great. I have a lot to do, and I am working- and my mother and father are making it so easy for me to make this move- Letting me do whatever I need with my apartment-and totally being supportive. I didn’t realize how important that was to me- it’s making the transition easy...

And you know all signs point to this decision being right and good and healthy and ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN.

And Alejandro has decided to come out for my birthday and thanksgiving. Which is totally awesome- because it relieves some of the pressure to GET OUT OF HERE... now I feel like I can take my time and do it right- and well- I get to see ali.

So....

So I am at work (working hard as you can see)... and I don't know. I had Italian for lunch.

3p today. I was at my desk working, kinda different than the past 7 weeks- but what are you gonna do- things change.

PACK WITH CARE

And so, after almost 7 weeks I travel back to Los Angeles this morning. I have been to 2 continents, 4 countries… and used exactly 56 different toilets.

I have packed and repacked the same 2 suitcases so many times over the past seven weeks- finding different arrangements for the same things.. each time I took such care thinking- what do I need on the next leg- how do I pack most effeciantly.. how can I do this so when I get there I don’t even have to open this bag… all this thought as to how to make it easier.

But this morning-

Fuck it. I just rammed shit everywhere- it was so satisfying. I didn’t fold, I didn’t plan- I just crammed it in- dirty socks and clean underware in the same section- (the horror!!) My carry on is the most mish moshed group of unessasry shit. But who fucking cares… soon I’ll be at home and I can turn the suitcases upside down on my living room floor and spill it all out if I want to.

Terrificly I am going to be in MY OWN SPACE tonight. And it always feels good to go home. Especially this home. I love my apartment so much. It’s really the greatest place I’ve ever lived…it’s the reason I haven’t moved for the past few years- this house- this home where my cats are so comftorable- and so am I….. I can’t believe I am giving it up. It makes me a little sad- the thought of leaving a house that I have put so much work into. It’s perfect really- I never need to leave this apartment.

Except that I do. Because it’s in the wrong city. And sometimes you have to go after something different than the comforts of home.

So today I don’t think about leaving- only returning. Because from time to time, all of us need to go home.

UP AND DOWN

At first I was so happy to be back- telling stories, sharing pictures... talking about Alejandro.

But then I had my first Friday night/ sat morning alone. And all the sad, depressed loneliness that has been so prevalent in my life in the past few years in America came back to me in a flash.

You see, when you want your life to change, you want it to change RIGHT AWAY. And I am in NYC for a few more days and I really can’t do anything here to get my life packed up and move onto Rome until I get back to LA. So last night and this morning I felt this overwhelming feeling of limbo, and boredom and missing Rome and Alejandro so much I thought I might break. Tears and anger. Why am I here? What was the point of coming to NYC, I just want to go home, sell my car, pack my house and get the fuck out of here. God I'm so sick of the states.

So I got up and thought “I have to get out of the house”. I took a shower, got dressed, put make up on and blow dried my hair- I was ready for a day in NYC. But then I had no one to meet, and didn't feel like going out to that dirty stinky city. So instead I sat down and cried my make up off.

What a girl.

Right in the middle of it Alejandro called. It's like he must have known. It made me feel so much better to know that he is sitting in Italy feeling the same way waiting for me to get back to him.

But what the real savior if the day was, was going to lunch with Megan. She's so rad and she just listened to me vent, and vented right back. At after a few hours I feel so much better. I feel restored, ready to take it all on again.

Sometimes, no matter how tough it gets, all you need is love to call in and an old friend to listen to.

I'm a lucky girl. Even if I it forget sometimes.

THE LADIES THE LADIES

It is such an amazing thing to have good women in your life. Especially when you've just fallen in love and all you want to do is gush about your boyfriend and look at pictures and watch video tape... and have them tell you how cute he is, and how sweet he seems and oh my god he's such a babe, and your so lucky and "tell me more tell me more"

I felt like I was in grease. You know, summer lovin, had me a blast.

I think I needed to tell them all about it to somehow validate it- make it real. Before then it was still all mine- just in my head- now it's out there- shared. Real.

And they were so good- oohing and ahhing at all the right times- listening to my every story so intently- the way only a group of your closest girls can.

Last night we were exactly the kind of scene all men wonder about when they ask "what do you girls talk about when you get together on ladies night?" Last night we were they...in FULL force.

It was exactly what I needed.

I have spoken a few times to my man- and it's tough. Long distance is a bitch and it's been years since I've done this. It's also been years since I cared enought to try... Talking on the phone sucks- and when calling italy it's also- EXPENSIVE. but fuck it right?

I do have to say that I LOVE text messages. I can totally send him notes all day and it's cheap.

This is gonna suck I can already tell. But I'mma do it.

Cuz love is worth it.

(oh my god someone shoot me I sound like I'm in some terrible romantic comedy with jessica alba or mandy moore or something...gag).

Anyway- I love my ladies and I want to say thank you to them for letting me fall into them.... love my girls. LOV-ING-AHH.

PICTURES

it you want to view some pics... this is where you can find them

http://www.flickr.com/photos/16677352@N00/

BACK IN THE BIG APPLE

So all good things must have a bookend...or at least this good thing does.

I am alive and well in NYC, I made it here fine. Took some uber drugs (thank you Vicki) and slept thru the entire flight.

Arrived into the arms of Miss Emily Henry and am about to go to sleep after being awake for what seems to be 25 hours. It is 6 am my time and I am exausted.

Will write more when I'm not so fucking tired.

Good god.

Right now I just miss Rome and I really miss Alejandro.

AHHHHHH.

ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME

So as it turns out it’s true.

While I was driving around in some of the neighboring villages of Rome I got a little lost- and I found myself on some strange road going in a direction which I was sure was AWAY from Rome… and lo and behold- the road took a turn and there it was – the sign.

Rome. This way.

So I took it. Cuz rome was the way I was going.

Tomorrow morning I will take the road away from Rome- but not for long. I will come back. A little later today I will go to the trevi fountain where I will toss an American quarter over my right shoulder to insure my return

It seems that all my life my roads have lead me to Rome.

Thank god. Today I feel really really happy. I was sad yesterday- but today I feel great. I am so grateful to have had this experience and to have been able to so totally open myself up and receive it. I would say this is the best time of my life…but that just feels so cliché. And quite frankly- I think I can do better. I feel for the first time in a long long while that the best is still yet to come.

I want to thank you all for reading my stories- and I will see you in the states.

Con Amor

Chase.

THE SADNESS SETS IN

Started crying this morning. Shit. Have no idea if I’ll ever be able to stop. All I want in the world is to come back here. I figure it’s at least 3 months… wait for the holidays- and then 2005 brings me back.

I have a huge list of things to do today- go back to the coliseum, buy that bag, get food and wine and coffee to bring home….. buy the apartment and vespa magazines, get a picture by the pyramid… and try not to cry.

Thank god so many of my girls will be in NYC to greet me with open arms. I am going to seriously need some support when I get home. Thank god for them.

So I am trying to keep my shit together so I can still be HERE for my last 2 days.

Anyway.

On a different note- I have been eating out so much lately and I haven’t really reported about it in a while- but the food is so amazing. Lamb chops, pasta with carbonara, and homemade ravioli, meet filled tortellini, tiramisu, gelato, oh my god the FUCKING WINE, and espressos, and crème caramel, and steak, and DID I SAY RED WINE, grappa is evil…, and mozzarella and fucking hell the pizza… oh god spinach, veal (yes veal, Mimi and santi can be proud)…it’s all just so good.

I had the pleasure of being pre menstrual last week and as a result went thru one of those- “I could eat and never stop” days. And so I just let myself. I had 5 meals that day. It was SO AWESOME. I didn’t really eat for about a day and a half after- but that one day I had panini, pizza, pasta, steak in red wine sauce, more pasta and then another slice of pizza. Rome is definitely the best place in the world to binge eat. Bulimics unite- I have found your Mecca.

Anyway. I am off. My last blog from Rome will be tomorrow.

See you all soon. Don’t panic if I’m different. Don’t panic if I’m not.

That’s actually a note to myself. Don’t panic. It’s just America. Don’t panic Chase. Don’t panic.

UNTITLED

Wow- went on a long drive yesterday to Tivoli and to all the neighboring villages- it was so breathtakingly beautiful. Found abandoned castles and little hillside villages- and long winding single lane country roads. Hopped a fence and stole grapes from a vineyards. Stared at a waterfall for hours…it was a great great day.

It’s total paradise here.

I can’t wait to come back and find a little apartment of my own- I actually found a village I wouldn’t mind living in a writing my memoirs in… I wish.

Does anyone have any contacts in Publishing? Seriously- I HAVE to come to Italy to write. I just need someone to pay me for it.

All is well- We went to THE MOST INCREDIBLE dinner for Alejandro’s birthday. His sister used to work there- it was on the top of a hill with this majestic view and it’s one of those places where you don’t order they just bring you food- holy shit it was out of control. Then we went driving thru the center at night- which is really amazing. The tiny roman alleys in the center are always so busy during the day but to have them all to yourself in the middle of the night is just the best.

I willed my cold away. I feel fine. I’m sure I’ll collapse when I get home. But until then….

I’m off time to have some coffee. (oh yes- for those of you that remember me as a decaf only girl…yea, that’s way fucking over- the Italians have shown me the perfected art of coffee. God bless them.)

Missing you all

c

VA BENE

Back in Rome and I’m sorry I haven’t written in the ol blog- but I’ve had a crazy couple of days. We got back and I couldn’t believe how happy I was to be here. England definitely made me appreciate this city. It was great to get back, jump on my vespa and go. I spent a bunch of hours finally seeing things and stores and churches and paintings and restaurants that people told me I should see while I was here. I didn’t really have the chance to see them before- and now that I am leaving I feel the distinct need to see all that shit. Loren Jenkins was resoundingly right on all the tips he gave me. Yes, Giolittis really IS the best gelato in the city- and the Caravaggio’s in the St Francis church ARE a marvel to behold…. Good looking out.

Yesterday Alejandro and I took the train down south to a small coastal town called Terracina to pick up a Vespa that was being repaired. In classic Italian fashion we were told to be there at one and of course the bike wasn’t ready until 6pm. So we spent the day at the beach hanging out- and Ali got paid for it. It was a totally unexpected great day. (Admittedly the 2 hour drive home was a bit chilly.) Driving on the back of a Vespa in the dark is a lot like being in the back seat of a convertible- you get a bit blown about and the extremities go a bit numb. It was an adventure…

Today is Alejandro’s birthday and I am taking him out to super fancy dinner tonight…we are going to his favorite restaurant in Rome- and I am totally looking forward to getting all dressed up and eating fancy yummy….

I am fighting off a cold with all my heart and soul. Had a bit of a scratchy throat yesterday- and today I have a runny nose and the cough has begun. But I am ignoring it as best as I can- I went to the pharmacy to think maybe I’d get some medicine. Anyone know how to say non-drowsy decongestant in Italian? Good grief.

I refuse to be sick my last few precious days in Rome.

But the clock is ticking- and I will be in the big Apple on Wednesday the 6th. Which is far more than I can fathom at this point.

Once I get home my whole life will revolve around getting the hell back here. I need to learn Italian, sell the car, rent the apartment, vote for Kerry and get the hell out of dodge.

That being said, I am actually beginning to look forward to going home. I feel like this trip was the perfect length and I am so happy I gave myself the extra week. I needed it. But I am looking forward to seeing all of you and being in my house and seeing my cats and just being AT HOME. And I want to eat dinner at my parents house with my family. I think I am looking forward to that the most.

Ok- I will write more soon.

Ciao ciao.

I WILL BE...

In rome in a few hours.... I can't wait to go home. I mean Rome, I mean, whatever. I can't wait to be a Roman again.

I am realizing that this thing is finally coming to an end...and it's ok- I'm ready. Looking forward to friends and familiar, and New York, and Family.


But first. ROME.

IT'S TOTALLY RIDICULOUS

...that I am still on vacation.

I mean seriously how is this still possible? Does anyone else feel like I've been gone for ages?

Jesus Christ, I mean- I can't even remember what half of you look like anymore. I've really gotten used to this life style- wake up, take it slow, figure out what I want to do- consult the map, then forget the map and go have an adventure.

The thought of going home makes me want to cry.

I mean- it will be nice to sleep in my bed, use MY bathroom, and spoon my cats. But beyond that- shit. I mean- I miss Damaris so much some time I want to explode. I wish she was here with me. But really the rest of it I don't miss. And then sometimes I do.

It's just- I still have something like 15 days till I get home. (In my first 15 days in Rome I had practically lived a life time)

I am just.... I am just grateful. To the universe for letting me have this much need time to reflect and sort and play. And I am grateful for my friends who have written me so much to keep me connected, and I am grateful for the world sending me Ali, and Rome, and the chance to have something wonderful land in my lap, and a chance to start over.

And I just can't believe it's still going.

I mean jesus christ- how good can it get????

MIND THE GAP

Hello and greetings from the UK.....

Well, all is well here- having a total blast...spent the first two days wandering london, taking the tube, having yummy food, and freaking out at all things american....

We just got back from Brighton where we went and spent an amazing day and night with the Delemoses... (Nikky's parents). They were such great hosts- totally took us in and fed us, and we had proper english tea, and indian food, and it was so wonderful to BE IN A HOME and to be taken care of.

But we are back in London tonight, and we will hit the town tonight and then be off tomorrow to shop and see the markets, and the parks and gardens and I've got a few friends here that all come back into town (mike, louise, Melanie) so it will be fun to be here with people I know.

It's so fucking expencsive here- my mind is kind of blown (so is the wallet actually).. and as such we are staying in a decent hotel- really far out of town. When I told nikky where I was staying she relpied 'that's the armpit of london' like she needed to tell me that. let me put it this way- it's in Zone 3- for those of you familiar with london.

But the fucking pound is DOUBLE the dollor. So take out $500 bucks at the ATM, and you've just spent a grand.

Brutal.

But god bless London- there are lots of cheap eats, and I've got my tube pass, and all the museams are free...so we're just fine.

We will be here till tuesday- then it's back to Rome.

And I have to say- I'm really looking forward to going home to Rome. I love it so much there- and this little trip to civilization- or at least one that I recogonise so easily-has really reinforsed my desire to stay in Rome.

It's crazy to be around all this American shit. And I probably wouldn't be enjoying myself as much if it weren't for Ali. This is his first time to London, or an english speaking country for that matter. He is like a deer in headlights....he had his first starbucks the other day...it was really exciting, and made a totaly mundane experience for me really fun.

You get the idea.

We are having a blast, and when I return to Rome I will write much longer.

Hope this finds you all well. I hit American soil on the 6th in NYC and I hit the west coast on the 10th or the 11th...( can't remember).

So- I will see you soon.

Much love

c

THE LONDON EYE

Wow it's so wierd to be in a english speaking country. All the advertisments and stores and radio and televsion and conversations come rushing at me like a tital wave of TOO MUCH AT ONCE. Holy shit- I have been in the dark for 3 weeks- deafly ambling the most beautiful streets in the world and now- in the hustle and bustle of London I...am...a little overwhelmed.

But having on hell of a time.

Didn't get to london until today- showed up a bit early to the airport yesterday- like a full fucking day early. Christ almighty. I'm such a stupid girl sometimes. I swear i thought the ticket said the 21st. How about the 22nd... Got all the way to airport and everything, Gave me a lot to laugh about ALL DAY LONG... Oh well- spent the day in Rome and had a picnic in the park with alejandro and it was amazing- then I went to the cinema- saw Catwoman in Italian. Thank god it wasn't in English is all I can say...at least it made it interesting.

Got here to a whirlwind of madness- found a cheap hostel but only got the room for the night- going to have to sort out different lodging for the morning... Fun times.

It's really wild to be here- it's so much like the states- starbucks virgin, KFC, Burger King...it's nuts. But I think it's good to have a week here to begin the assimilation back to familliar culture. I am glad I get to go back to rome for a week. I miss it a little bit.

TOmmorrow we adventure. I can't wait to explore London and all of this. Plus it is really empowering to SPEAK THE LANGAGE. I feel like I can do anything here- except that it's so bloddy expensive I could die. In addition to already being pricy it's two dollars to every pound. Tough times.

Anyway- will write more later- to all that emailed me- don't have time to resond- but I love you and will write more soon.

Caio, cheers...whatever.

CIAO FOR NOW

So I am off to London in the morning- and after much deliberation I have decided to NOT bring my computer- I haven’t the adapter for England and funds being what they are don’t want to buy one. So if I am a bit in-communicado for a while not to worry- I will be back at my beloved internet point in a week.

Had a crazy day of packing- running around- shipping boxes to the states- shopping (ahh the guilt runs deep for the souvenirs) and the like. But I am almost done with it all- and then I am off to London and I will return in a week. I will check in when I can.

Love to you all.

Big ben here I come.

Xoxo

c

I FEEL LIKE I LIVE HERE

I feel so at home in this place- it’s totally wild.

I wake up and I have a schedule- and I have errands and fun shit to do- and I feel like I seamlessly fit in- like I have dissolved right into the fabric of this city. I’ve never had this before. It’s just- it’s – well, I‘m home.

So.

I have decided to move here. After the holidays- jan- feb ish. And what makes that so remarkable is that I am more scared NOT TO MOVE. It would be scarier to stay.

I can’t go back to my old life. (it’s so under the tuscan sun I want to gag…) Instead I am just totally ready. It’s nuts because it seems so obvious to me. I would be weirder if I DIDN’T move here. I just belong. And that is a very strange thing.

And so now my life is filled with a new kind of excitement. But my mind is racing.

I’ve been tossing and turning thinking about things like health insurance and taxes and absentee voting- and visas and I don’t know- my cats.

I want to be here- I like this life- I want to get paid to write and live in Rome. I want to learn to speak Italian and I want to be an ex pat. I want to be away from all the things that I hate in America- I want to learn to appreciate America again.

I want to live in Rome. And take weekend trips to sienna and Tuscany and I don’t know- everywhere. I want to do it.

I can- I mean- I think I can.

What the fuck? For so long I have come up with excuses- not to act, no to direct, not to do any of the things I want to do- no more.

I want to change my life.

And I’m the only one that can do that.

But right now it’ keeping me up- making me nervous- makes me want to smoke and pace and jump up and down and totally freak out.

I’m also anxious because this is going to be a big week. Tomorrow I am moving out of my apartment- which makes me really nervous- I really love my apartment. And so then I have to return my Vespa and take a taxi to Ali’s apartment (he doesn’t live In the center of town like I do- he’s about a 10 minute vespa ride into the suburbs)…then on Tuesday we are going to London- which is so weird. I am nervous- because I don’t know where I’m staying and I haven’t got a clue what to do when I am there- and I don’t know…it’s weird. I’m sure we’ll have fun- I’m sure were going to have a blast- it’s just- I think I am also nervous to travel with someone else- I am fine on my own- but with another person.. its just, I don’t know. I hope I’m not too selfish to travel with someone else. That’s the one thing about being on your own- you can be as selfish as you want…. And I’ve been on my own for a long time.

SO.

Does any one want my house? I’ll deliver it furnished- it’s a great house. Does anyone want my car? Can’t BELIEVE I’m selling my car- that’s so nuts. I can’t wait to sell my car. I can’t wait to get rid of all my shit- I can’t wait to start over.

I am scared. But happy scared- not morbid depressed LA scared. God I hate LA- I mean I actually love LA- it’s just so blahhhhhhh. I never want to go back.

Actually- I’m excited to go home. I am excited for my closet of clothes- I hate everything I own here- so sick of it all- perhaps I should go clothes shopping… And I am excited to see my friends and my cats- and then I am excited to come back.

But right now it’s 2 am and I can’t sleep because my mind is racing.

Because I’ve decided to make this fantasy into a reality…. And that is totally fucking crazy.

WHEN IN ROME

Do as the Romans do, of course- and if that means staying up until 6 in the morning and wandering around from one pub to another- gathering in crowds of thousands- watching cirque du solie for free with about 30,000 other people perform on the Spanish steps- Then god damn it DO IT.

What a night- do you remember that English football match in the 80’s where everyone died because they squished each other to death?

There was a moment in the piazza spanga (Spanish steps) that I honestly was so squished and surrounded by so many people- and I wasn’t moving- but WE were moving as a solid mass of hundreds of people…. It was insane. Times square on new years eve insane.

People come from all over Europe for Notte Bianco…. It was really wild.

Had a great time.

Savagely hung over this morning- and the cruel thing about Italy is- on Sunday everything is closed- cafes, stores, everything: so if you happen to be me: a girl who woke up at 2:30 and wants to call clair, or hugh or alejandro- but cant cuz her phone is dead (allright I called the states twice on my cell phone…fuck it) and I can’t get a new card because it’s Sunday- and I am desperate for a coffee and a slice of pizza- but all the fucking café’s are closed… so you go to the only place that is open.

The intrnet point and you type into your computer and try not to think about how fucking thirsty you are…..

VESTAL VIRGINS CAN SUCK IT

My fucking foot hurts. A few weeks ago while I was still in the states with my brother- we got shit faced and I took a tumble which hurt my foot. It hurt pretty bad for a few days- I even resorted to the use of a cane at one point- but after some ice and some rest- no problem- I was fine.

And so. The other night I did a walking tour of Rome in my flip flops and I think I reinjured the fucking thing. I don’t know what happened but when I woke up it hurt- a lot. Like – oh shit- I know this pain.

Bastard.

So I limped my way thru the most exquisite sculpture garden this morning and thru the entire Borgese Museo… which has an UNBELIEVABLE Bernini sculpture collection. But after 5 hours on the foot I needed a break.

The good part about landing an Italian boyfriend- is that when you get hurt he takes care of you.

So this afternoon- while it’s raining with a furry- I am at home writing and drinking wine and taking pain killers- while Alejandro has gone to the store to buy food to make us lunch and take care of me.

I’m no doctor- but I’d say I’ve got the system here wired.

Ps: remember that construction worker I told you about- he was making a light- and it’s so fucking cool I can’t even tell you: there is a maginifiing glass thru the center of the tube- and it creates the MOST bitchin effect ever. I fucking love Rome. A totally unnecessary but fabulous detail. They just get it here.

GATTI Y CANI

It’s raining cats and dogs over here. Awesome huge powerful roman thunder- the whole fucking city shakes- it’s spectacular. Dangerous as shit on the vespa though- I’m not sure about what I’ll do today if this keeps up too much- it’s fantastic out there. I was thinking about it and I absolutely cannot remember the last time it rained- anywhere- Rome LA…. Anywhere. It’s been hot and sunny over my head for SO LONG. The rain feels great.

Saturday is something called Notte Bianca- the white night. And it’s gonna be great- it is an all night festival where all the museums- and the monuments- the buses- the metro, shops bars- everything- it all stays open all night long- and everything is free. Rome is really big on entertainment and keeping it’d Romans happy- there is so much free music and performances- free theater- just tons of things to keep you entertained- Saturday night is just an example. So it’s gonna be fun. (although last year they had a blackout for almost 18 hours right smack in the middle of the night- apparently it was total madness)

Yesterday I watched these two construction workers put up- what I know believe to be a special temporary light for Saturday night. But I was watching them work and they were just – so fucking Italian. First of all- they showed up to the metro station across the street from my apt- and they pulled their truck up DIRECTLY onto the sidewalk. No cones- no tape- just parked right half way up on the curb. And then with this enormous crane they lifted a steel tube (about 3ft diameter- 15 feet long) up over the sidewalk and onto the roof of the station. Now- if this shit had happened in the states- there would have been hard hats- comes- barricades- probably a cop or two and defiantly a permit.

Not so in Rome. (They’re so FUCKING laid back here). They just hoisted that fucker up and over the wall- wearing flip flops and smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. My favorite was as they were sawing the end of the tube- (at the time it seemed like jagged nonsense- Now it looks like a flame) The tube started to roll because the guy who was supposed to be holding the thing had knocked his beer over –and just abandoned his post to get another one.

It was truly priceless. If that shit happened in the states..fuck tiper gore and her buddies would have to probably call an emergency PTA meeting and have someone sued. SOMEONE’S GOT TO PAY…. What about the children????

Ahh- It’s nice to be away. I think the rain has let up.

Hope all is well at home.

Keep in touch.

Ciao ciao.

ART, RAIN, VESPAS AND HANGOVERS…

I’m a bit hung over today- I found myself surrounded by everyone I know in Rome last night and that made me feel like celebrating. I really have made some good friends here- people to keep in touch with that’s for sure.

Last night the main topic of conversation was “how do we keep Chase in Rome…”

Oh man do I never want to leave this place. (and it’s not just because I don’t have to work and I get to do whatever I want all day long…. But that certainly doesn’t hurt). I have a lot of friends who work as tour guides…and it seems like a really great under the table way to survive here…they have all offered to teach me the tours and I could live here- and get an apartment –(this time not in the expensive tourist area…) and maintain my fantasy life….. then I was offered a job down at the pub as well- I’m serious, all signs point to me staying.

I loose my apartment next week and I think it will be whole new thing here without it… But I am going to London for a week and then I will have only a few days left- I will probably stay with Alejandro…. I am probably going to extend my stay by at least a week.

God damn bills- if I didn’t have an apartment, a car and a foot high stack of bills I’d never come home.

Enough about leaving – good god it’s depressing: OK- so yesterday I went to the Etruscan Museum at my friend Loren’s suggestion. What a marvel- the most amazing wonderful treasures… god it was so beautiful. And I have to say listening to classical music on the ipod- is really a nice thing in a museum like that. Just next store to that is the Museum of Modern Art. Which is my favorite- so I went in there- holy shit. I mean- you don’t really come to Rome to see modern art- modern here is the last 500 years…but that being said they had some wonderful pieces- and a whole touring Duchamp show which was a total treat. Not to mention the most exquisite singular sculpture I have ever seen.

Just thinking about it I suspect I’ll have to back there… it was amazing.

SO then I had a hankering for St Peters Square. I just really like it there- amazing people watching…(I love the bible bumpers) so I rode over there on my vespa- when a bus cut me off (welcome to Rome) and I damn near was projected into oncoming traffic…. It was a high light of the day…..

But so it started to rain- and there I was with on my vespa just getting wet- oh man it was awesome. Sat in the square for a while.

Been doing a lot of that. Just sitting. Thinking. Absorbing. Being still. It’s a nice contrast to my hectic life in LA.

Then I did a little shopping. Didn’t buy anything though. Actually I haven’t bought ANYTHING in Rome. Well- I did buy some puffy Jesus stickers because they were insane- and I’ve gotten some lighters- but other than that nothing. I just can’t be bothered. But FYI- the BEST place to but great Rome tourist crap is at the stores near the Vatican- they are filled with amazing glittery ceramic models of the pope and Jesus and- really amazing lighters and all that crap. I suspect I will go there before I leave and stock up.

I am going on walking tour of “Rome at night” tonight led by my friend Jill- she is from Philadelphia- and is great. It’s nice to have an American friend. Although I love the brits- and I’m doing great with the Italians- there really is something to say about being from the same place…just being able to talk. REALLY just gab- use phrases like- “hey just looking out for number one” and not have to do any explaining at all. It’s nice. And a welcome change… I spend a lot of time explaining what I’m talking about. Especially when the west coast in me comes out- the brits take such a piss when I use phrases like: “I reckon”, or “dude man that fucking rules”, or “I’ve got a hankering” or “Gnarly” and I got a full on public bashing when I said “ya’ll” a few nights ago.… any way. Fucking bastard friends of mine.


Any how. Going to pick up the equivalent of the weekly here and see what’s going on…. I hear that Roman Holiday is playing at the cinema. I think I’d like to see that on the big screen in Rome. Sounds delicious right?

Hope everyone’s good.

Love you all

c


ps: If your ever on via leonina here – stop at the tratorria across from the flower stand and order the filet of beef in wine sauce. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

LAUNDRY DAY

Well with all this living in Rome I sort of forgot I was working on a book. So today I’m doing laundry- and I’m going to write and write and write. I’ve been a bit neglectful.

I also wanted to say a public thank you to Justin Officer who is staying at my house (tandem style with Damaris) but who did a mother the best favor you can do …he posted pics of my cats on line for me. It was about the best thing in the world…..

Thank you Justin.

If you want to see them they can be found at:

http://www.pbase.com/justinoff/pics_for_chase&page=all

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

BOOKING CONFORMATION

Well, I’m not sure how exactly it all came about- but I’m going to London. I have my apartment until the 21st- and that afternoon, Alejandro and I are going to the land of the queen, and the spice girls- of pounds, brits, big ben and pints for a week. It was nothing I had anticipated happening on this trip- but I suppose that’s the beauty of having no real expectations.

Alejandro has had the last two days off- and now that he is finally back at work I am rising from the vortex that has been this week.

He doesn’t speak English very well, and god knows I can’t speak Italian- but I speak a little Spanish and between the two we get by.

There is a car in Italy called the “smart car.” It’s one of these tiny two seat cars that makes a mini look like a Cadillac… anyway- here is an example of one of our conversations.

“I think that he's smart” I say

“What is this word Smart?- smart is a car no?”

“Si, pero Smart also means intelligent- como intelligente-“

“Intelligente?- but Smart is a stupid car….”


And he’s right. The it IS a stupid car.



I am almost half way thru my trip. Blah!!!

Today I am going to go to the park- Villa Borgese to draw and read. Then I think I’ll go have a huge fancy lunch. And then- perhaps a nap and I’ll write for a little while. Then I need to go visit my friends at the pub. And then- Alejandro will get off work- and we will have dinner…. And then bed.


Life in Rome is nice. Too bad it’s not reality.

ROMAN HOLIDAY

Fuck paris- Rome is the most romantic city in the world. At night all the coloseum and the forum and all the fountains and the piazza’s, and the partheon are all lit up and it so remarkably breathtakingly beautiful. The trevi fountain in the middle of the night- when no one is there- and it is all lit up and you have the whole place to yourself is the most majestic place in the world. It is like a dream. I feel like I am living in a movie… On my vespa with my map and my dreams.

It’s funny to be aware that you are in the middle of a life changing event…it’s strange. To know that you are having one of the best times of your life and realize that its happening- and you are right in the thick of. And there is still time left- but I can sense the end approaching. And I am trying not to think about it- leaving here. Everyday I just focus on the here and the now. And it’s SO MUCH. But it’s mine, and even if I write here- it doesn’t begin to explain how alive this is.

Ahhh Roma.

PS: Some of my brits friends are throwing a "9/11" party tonight. They weren't sure at first if they should tell the American about it.... I think it's a great idea no?? Sick, but great.

CITY LIVING

I am getting very good at riding my vespa on these absurd roman streets. First of all there are no lines or lanes whatsoever- it’s all just kind of a free for all. And then all the streets are cobble stone and crazy bumpy and you flying along and bumping all over the place. Then of course all the streets are one way- so without a doubt the most direct route to any given place is assuredly the one way you will NOT be going. All these massive roundabouts and cars and scooters coming from EVERY direction…it’s FANTASTIC. And the rules…there a lot more like loose guide lines- scooters on the sidewalks- and going the wrong way down one way streets and no one cares about speed (unless you go too slow of course) and people just park anywhere they fancy.

It is... if I had my way- exactly how I would drive at home if they would allow it.

Now that I’ve done all the basics and seen all the major sights I am getting a little more courageous and learning the streets and traveling a bit further. Left the house without my map today in fact.

I might never come home.

Seriously.

Also- I suppose it’s pretty predictable… but I’ve found myself an Italian man. We have had a pretty intense two days- and tomorrow we are going to the beach. Unfortunately this area is censored to the blog. But know this-his name is Alejandro and he’s delicious

HELLO JOHN PAUL...

I got up super early this morning and got tickets to go see the pope and be blessed by him. I was so surreal. There I sat in this big ol room- with about 12 thousand people- all totally freaking out that the point of all their pilgrimages was about to be fulfilled. People had signs and pictures- one whole group of Russians were totally decked out from head to toe in some insane traditional garb, one dude had a loaf of bread. And there were husband and brides…like a lot of them…people I guess who came to be blessed in marriage. Couldn’t figure out if it was the day of the wedding- or after…it was weird. Cuz they were in their dresses and shit…veils and all. (the dresses looked dirty- so it could have been after the wedding- cuz isn’t it bad luck to see her in her dress before? But why would anyone put the dress back on?)

Either way it was some of the best people watching I’ve ever had this morning. Absolutely terrific.

So there I was. Listening to my ipod and reading a memoir about a young man who is discovering his homosexuality. And I kid you not- as I sat in the Vatican and waited for the pope I read a particularly graphic scene about this young man loosing his virginity in a not to subtle way…. Let’s just say I don’t imagine anyone has read anything quite that “colorful” in that hall ever before.

Anyway- and then after sitting there for the better part of the morning- out he came- with his little hat and his shinny white wheelchair. And they put a microphone in front of him- and you cannot believe the sound that came out of this man. He should be on life support. Not giving a sermon in SIX DIFFERENT LANGUAGES. As if the first time wasn’t enough….

Anyway- everyone around me was crying and praising this lord and that one..and it was really something else.

I am so glad I went.

Then I spent about 9 hours in the Vatican looking at one god damned masterpiece after another. Raphael was a genius. And the sisteen chapel…(not quite as amazing the 2nd time around…) and the whole day was amazing.

But right now I am so over saturated with jesus and all his buddies – all I can think is mommy needs a pint.

Hope this is finding all of you well.

C

Ps: public apologies to both Carter and Damaris who got the drunk dial the other night. Tough stuff.

CATACOMBES AND VESPAS....

Hello and greetings. First off I’d just like to thank you all for writing me and telling me that your reading. It’s odd that so many of you are reading all this shit…but it’s nice too.

I got quite drunk last night and that made this morning not so fun. I had some friends over to my apartment (always the host..it’s in my blood) we got quite drunk and had a grand old time. When I get drunk I start talking like a brit…it’s a fucking problem. Too many years at acting school I suppose- but it’s hard not to do it. No one seems to mind- I don’t even think anyone notices but me…but I can understand how one could loose their accent over time…. But every now and then I’ll say something like “ya’ll” and they’ll laugh at me. Good times.


Anyway- tough morning- but I shined it on and one of my new friends Clair is a tour guide- so she took me on one of her tours today thru the st. Sebastian catacombs. Holy fucking shit. 3 floors down of the dark cold tunnels that used to have dead people in them. Then in the middle there is this huge room- with a fucking church in it…it was like nothing I had ever seen. It was amazing. I can’t tell you. We went to a bunch more places and saw all kinds of churches, and I saw peters chains…poor fucking peter.

It’s about 7p and I have a hankering for some serious fucking pasta. I am going to bed early tonight as I am taking an audience with the pope in the morning.

I figure there should be some heathens in the crowd tomorrow when blessed everyone. Heathens know this: tomorrow I represent us all. Fucking blessed we art.

Oh yes and just as an update- the vespa is insane. It’s black and shiny and I love it so much. I can’t believe I even bothered for a week without one. I’ve rented it for the next two weeks- so I am fully mobile. It’s parked right outside my apartment as we speak. I got so incredibly lost yesterday- I accidentally got on the altostrati and holy shit when I finally got off I was in some parking lot that scooters aren’t allowed in… it was ridiculous. But I got out and discovered that I was right in the center of the villa borghese. Which is essentially Rome’s central park. It was so stunning. And the view of the city from up on high (cuz it’s on a hill) was really really magic.

Anyway.

I love getting lost and finding my way- pulling over with my map- and talking to myself the whole time- reciting the experience so that I never forget how precious this moment is and how wonderful it is to be alive right now.

OH MY GOD

Thank you D for fillong me in the news. GO KOBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm very pleased.


Even though it's fucked. I'm very very pleased.

Very pleased.

Terrific. I want to call you all and tell you how excited I am about it- but your all asleep. Bastards.

Great news, great.

ROMAN BEACHES

I went to the beach!! I realized I had never swam in the Mediterranean- and I just felt that that needed to be reminded pronto. SO my new friend and I rented a scooter and drove to the beach and had such a fun time. The water was AMAZING. After a day on a scooter I’ve realized there is so way to do this city but on a scooter- it’s like LA without a car- fuck that. So I am renting one today for the next two weeks- and I think I’ll really be able to see the city now. Plus it’s so fucking hot- you get a little cooled down by the breeze… plus the streets are so narrow and small- you kind of have to be on a scooter- even the tiny cars feel huge here.

I found out the pope does his mass blessing on Wednesday morning- I’m totally gonna go there and get blessed. Awesome. Bless us heathens….

I’ve officially been here a week and I’m getting quite settled in- I’m not going to want to leave- I can tell. Which sucks but- it’s ok- that’s life eh. I am writing lots, and reading, and drawing and eating very very well, and in about an hour I’ll be on my vespa saying ciao as I zoom by.

Very Eddie izzard.

By the way- today is my parent’s 35th wedding anniversary- which id totally fucking amazing. Good on you folks. Well done.

Be in touch soon.

LAZY SATURDAY

my first really lazy day- slept in- way in. I was supposed to go to the beach with my new brit friends today- but I can't tell you the freedom I felt when I realized this morning that I didn't have to DO anything. The Spanish steps would be there tomorrow- I can get a cell phone chip any day- I laid in bed and read, and then I wrote for 3 hours- and then I went back to sleep. It was delicious. I'll probably go out and try to find some of my new friends tonight...maybe we'll go to the beach tomorrow- either way I think it's hi time for me to rent a scooter....

The traffic is totally awesome here- it is exactly how I would drive if I didn't have any laws to abide by. Which is essentially what’s going on here- it's amazing.

Anyway- it's 5:30 pm and I still haven't eaten today- I gotta go have some pizza or something.

Hope this finds you all well- thanks for your emails from the last blog- but I'm doing fine. Fucking great actually.

Talk soon.

ciao.

16:31

What a day i've had- I started out feeling a bit sorry for myself...but good god- it's 4:30 am and I've just stumbled home- got fantastically lost on the way home....just ridiculous. My sense of direction has fallen to shit here. I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember my instinct. There was a point when I realized I was so lost and a girl and walking alone in Rome at 4 in the morning. I needed a cab- bad. Thank god I wasn't in LA- I got a cab right off- and in fact even figured out where I made my crucial wrong turn....

The streets are so funny here. Just one huge old stone thing after another. And it’s unbelievable how perfectly obvious they are…. they are everything you would expect them to be- old huge faces chipped apart by age but still magnificently perched on top of some old brick thing.

I made some friends tonight, a gaggle of brits, and Irish guys and a kiwi named Damaris. We smoked hash and walked thru the streets on our way somewhere we never made it to. I jumped into a fountain in piazza nuvona... laughed like crazy. Funny people those foreigners... there was a moment when I felt so happy- sitting on the set of stairs outside this pub- me with all these transplants. All in this strange city for some mysterious reason or another. But gathered here because it was Friday night, and we all wanted to do something fun, and here on these steps we all spoke the same language.

Apparently I am NOT the only one who doesn’t speak Italian. People have been here loads longer and still don't speak it for shit. There is such a big group of English speakers. It of course doesn’t seem to hurt that I keep going to an Irish pub… which to my defense is EXACTLY across the street from my apartment- which in Rome means an alley. Its amazing how tall and narrow they all are- and the streets are fucking cobblestone!! I mean, I knew that- but they really are. It’s hilarious. And get this- there are fountains in Rome that have fresh COLD water that is OK to drink all over the place, and everyone shares freely.

I was at the trevie fountain today. And I was perched right over a water spicket. I sat there for maybe an hour. Watching people come and go- all sitting next to each other at the fountains edge and having there picture taken. Cant be a very good picture I thought- I mean there's loads of people everywhere. It’s not like you can frame out the people and still get the fountain. The patient ones did.

Tonight when it was so late and I was walking home- I walked by the pantheon. It was the middle of the night and I had the place all to myself. Perfectly still- and quite. There was a guard out front wandering around and his female partner asleep in the front seat of their police car. I hurried thru even though my instinct was to stop and stare at the majesty of such a structure in the middle of the night all alone. But I thought it best to keep marching. I was far from home- and although I wasn’t lost yet I was well on my way.

I t was really nice to have a conversation today. It had been a few days since I had really spoken, and been spoke back to.

Anyway- I've had the most fun day- but it's almost six am now- I apologize for the late night ramblings.... arrividerchi.

LIVING AMONG THE ROMANS

It's so fucking wierd that I keep waking up here in rome- it's just so odd. I mean, I know a month isn't long- but today it feels like I'm gonna be here forever.

I explored for hours today... totally stumbled into the trevi fountain, and went to the parthenon where I sat and read for hours...then followed a couple for a while...finally ate at a restuarant that I read about first (so far I haven't had the best luck finding the places I read about- I do better just roaming and settle on some hole in the wall when I become starving). Just in case your wondering I had brushetta with fucking TRUFFLES and thier house specialty: fettucini with mushrooms and peas. Holy shit was that good... Gonna have to have some meat and fish for a few days here, or I'm gonna gone home one big fucking porco...(actually all this walking in this heat has me sweating like a porco too...)

Maybe it's the fact that I'm menstural as hell and that I've been combating crippiling cramps all day- but I am definatly a little home sick- not for the cities but for the people. I miss Damaris and Carter...and holy shit do I miss my cats. But I think it's so good for someone as social as me to not be near anyone I know. And I'm not really meeting anyone- I just, don't feel like it, and I don't speak itilian for shit- and well, I haven't had a real conversation in days. And I think I am going thru withdrawl.

But I keep telling myself it's all part of it. And it is. I wrote a funny story yesterday, and after I write this I am going to draw the coloseo...

It's REALLY FUCKING HOT here. And that makes the middle of the day brutal. So I came home around 3 and took myself a shower and a nap.

Vacation is good.

Send me emails- I miss you guys. And yes, the phone is still fucked up, I'll get around to fixing it..... someday.

HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I just ate the best meal ever.

Oh my god. Ravioli, red wine, caprese the way it's meant to be done. Gelaiti today, the coloseo, the formun, and a nap and writing like it's my job.


It's good here in rome. Hot, but good.

I'm going out tonight.

ha hah hah ahahahahahahahahah.

PRETTY FUCKING SATISFIED

Ok, so now I feel like I can get started. I moved into my totally awesomw apartment, I found the grocery store, the laundry, the post office, the internet cafe, the metro, the bus, ate well twice, slept in, and met some locals.

I am now ready to eat more, see more and get to fucking work already.

It''s 4 in the morning for you all. It's almost time for my siesta.


Happy.

SHALL WE..

My first night here and I have already had such an adventure…. Beyond the fact that I was sure my cell phone would work.. and now I‘m quite sure I can’t dial out…. Urgggg. But I got here, found my apartment, got totally situated and thought I’d wander for a while. Cut to me in a car with some strange man named David who is a nurse, he decided to drive me to a far away place to eat amazing- only-in-Roma pizza for no money at all- far away from the touristas.. and then to see the piazza nuvona and to another bar and still to yet another… oh dear…. Making friends already- he kissed me, wanted much more- I had to tell him no way- no how. Oh and did I mention that I don’t speak Italian nor him English. Thank god I am a big gesturer….


I’ve decided Fasone is a lot easier to say than Carter.

Thusly I’ve become Chase Fasone.

Viva Roma.

VIA VENETO

Tue. 8. 31. 04 7:48pm NYC: JFK international airport.

Everything that has happened today is so easy to read as an omen. As I said goodbye to Vicki at the subway the train came immediately…good omen. Got to the airport with not much traffic…good omen. Atm was out of cash in the terminal. Bad Omen. Forgot my computer at the fucking security check in… had to run back in a panic that the one REALLY important thing I brought with me this month was already lost. Terrible omen. The nice guard that I was flirting with – who distracted me in the first place was standing there with it. Smiling handsome omen. Song from favorite romantic comedy playing at bar while I got a pre flight drink…terrific omen. Waiting for my flight and board already. Not such a good omen.

Truth is I’ve had such a surreal day- I am so excited and nervous. I’ve already cried twice today. Once in church and once at a bar. Amazing. I was on my way to St Patrick’s cathedral in NYC to light a candle for my grandmother (a tradition since her death in 1997). And on my way there I got really of panicked and scared and frantic and I started to cry. And as I sat in a pew like some zealous crazed bible bumper crying for my lord. But that wasn’t it at all. It actually made me feel better- crying in that church I felt safe. And it was the first time in my life I associated a church- a cathedral with a feeling of safety and solace.

I suppose you could say for a girl that is on her way to Rome- the fucking cathedral capital of the world- for a month, alone. That could be read as a very good omen.

(for those of you wondering about the second time I cried I read a note my best friend wrote me about being brave and strong and…god damn her…It fucking made me cry…what can I say- I got a lot going on today….).

OH SHIT

It's 10 days until I leave for Rome and each day is like an eternity. I have been waiting for this trip my whole life it feels like- and as it draws near I am...numb.